Shudongjing discovered when chatting with friends that many people have problems with low self-esteem, and there are certain misunderstandings about low self-esteem.
Most people believe that low self-esteem is caused by the acquired environment and various unsatisfactory experiences. Completely an acquired product. In fact, this view is somewhat biased.
In fact, inferiority complex is an innate emotional reaction for everyone. Each of us will have some inferiority complex more or less. The earliest sense of inferiority in life originates from insecurity in infancy.
From a psychological point of view, each of us is separated from the protection of the womb from the moment we are born. Because of one's own weakness, one will naturally feel insecure.
If parents take good care of them in the later growth process. This natural insecurity. It can be completely eliminated. And if some parents are careless and fail to meet their children's needs in a timely manner during infancy and early childhood, they may leave seeds of self-denial deep in their children's subconscious minds.
Once a child encounters a suitable environment during his later growth, this seed of inferiority will sprout. Once the inferiority complex is formed and you want to eradicate it completely, it is really "the road to Shu is as difficult as climbing to the sky."
In today's adult society, the main sources of inferiority are nothing more than money, status, knowledge, health and other major factors.
I wonder if you have noticed an important point here, that is, inferiority complex must be a product of society. It is difficult for a person who lives alone away from others to develop an inferiority complex. Because he can't find any other reference standard for his own conditions. Even if you are not satisfied with the status quo, the only way out is to try your best to change the status quo. It is impossible to think about what happens to others and what happens to me.
Shudongjing said this not to encourage everyone to live in isolation, but to hope that if you are unable to change the current situation and become better for the time being, then try to adjust the coordinates of and in our understanding. Let our mentality and life become better.
In real life, it is not difficult to find that people who like to compare will always appear satisfied and happy for a while. After a while, I felt very dissatisfied and unhappy. The reason why
causes this phenomenon is because the coordinates they compare are constantly changing. Those who are inferior to themselves are not enough, and those who are inferior to themselves are more than sufficient. Always use others as a yardstick to measure yourself. This approach is no different than measuring your weight with a ruler and your height with a scale. No matter what the result is, it will always be rootless duckweed. There is no value at all.
Wang Yangming, a great thinker of the Ming Dynasty, emphasized the importance of the original mind in the xinxue system he created. What is the original intention? In layman's terms, it is a person's most authentic thoughts and wishes.
According to the theory of psychologist Jung , each of us plays a series of roles more or less actively or passively in this world. This includes pre-assigned roles in family relationships. Including career, social status and other achievement roles.
Due to various external restrictions, it is almost impossible for people to be 100% consistent and act casually. Just like a netizen whom Shudongjing knew, he wanted to become a freelance writer of travel articles. The world is so big, you can go and see it. But there are two parents at home who need to be taken care of, so it is impossible to completely follow one's heart.
Since there are so many restrictions in reality, do we still need to pay attention to our true intentions? What does this have to do with overcoming low self-esteem?
Confucius once said this: Follow your heart's desires and never go beyond the limit. What is said here is following one’s heart. And not exceeding the limit means not violating the society's and one's own code of conduct. It's an ideal state of balance.
Let us return to the theme of this article, how can we find the correct coordinate system and no longer feel inferior?
Shudongjing believes that the best way is to first eliminate the false and retain the true. Eliminate all interfering factors and think clearly about what we are striving for now? Then, use your own experience as a yardstick. It is enough to constantly surpass your past self.
