How can we let go of fear and tension? This friend didn't provide much material when asking the question. You mentioned that you were meditating. At that time, I saw myself speaking in front of everyone, and I always felt very scared and frightened. This was because I had been scared before, and then I was also very afraid of the death of my relatives. I think it’s because you didn’t mention being scared in your question, but maybe I’ll understand that when we talk about being scared, it may mean that we have really experienced a trauma. We are in this trauma, and the word connected with trauma is traumatic stress response.
We will have some stress reactions to trauma. This stress reaction may mean that we are not particularly able to understand why we are afraid in such a situation. For example, I may have fallen by the water before, and I have had a fear of drowning. Of course, I did not really drown, but the feeling of fear has remained in our subconscious.
In fact, this part has been demonstrated by neuroscientists in our nervous system . That is, when we really have such a traumatic past for an event, our brain circuits will leave this imprint. . In other words, our brain nerves may be in a state of high alert when dealing with similar things. To put it simply, if you have ever had the experience of drowning while walking by the water, then maybe next time you are by the water, your whole body will become nervous, and your nervous system will issue this command to put you in a A state of heightened alert similar to that of the drowning.
This is a kind of self-protection instinct of human beings, but it can also trouble our lives. Even this reaction of traumatic stress can also trouble our lives. So I think maybe your fear and fear are related to your past trauma, including now that you are afraid of the death of your loved ones. I don’t know which relative you are talking about and whether you are worried that someone close to you will die. But I think before this worry, you may have experienced the death of some relatives in your past life, or at some point in your childhood.
And that part of your experience as a child or the death of a loved one may not be something your mind can bear, and it is beyond the range of our minds. This individual may have suffered a trauma that can form a pattern and make us feel very fearful and nervous. So I want to answer your question, how can I not be afraid and nervous? Of course we can do some related mindfulness exercises. For example, you also mentioned that you are doing meditation. But I think the more important thing is that we need to re-face and deal with the thing that caused trauma at that time, to face us We have to figure out the inner possibility of these unbearable parts.
Regarding why I am so fragile as an individual, why am I so insecure, and why am I so afraid of such a thing at that time? How did I feel? What is the unbearable part? Then me. How to sort it out now and how to face it? I think this is such a problem. The second questioner today is Mr. Wei. His question is about interpersonal relationships. What he wanted to ask was that Mr. Wei always wanted to avoid interacting with others. For example, when he first met, he was unwilling and did not know how to talk to others. It took a long time before he could establish some connections.
In addition, his relationship with his leader also made him feel a little confused. I've known my boss for a long time, but I can't talk to him casually like others. I always feel awkward. I would like to ask Teacher Xiaokuan, what should I do if I encounter this situation? In fact, most people, or a considerable number of people, are not the kind of people who are familiar with each other. us. I know there is a word called "Zilaisui", which means that when you first meet someone, you can be very cheerful and open yourself up. However, a considerable number of people need to have a long period of testing and communication with others before they can truly establish a relationship. It also takes a long, long period of wandering before the relationship can deepen. I think this is normal. .For example, one of my courses talks about how to be an introvert confidently.
Each of us has different communication patterns. In psychological terms, some people have stronger inner defenses, while others may have weaker inner defenses. Then the people who are more defensive may be those who grew up in childhood and in relationships. Maybe, for example, when you face your parents, your parents are not either. You are a person who opens up a lot of yourself, and your parents may often hurt you in their responses to you. Therefore, the relationship is not so safe and comfortable for you. It's even possible that you are in a relationship that, for example, is tied up by your family of origin and controlled too much by your parents. This relationship threatens you a lot. Then one of the imprints that relationships cast on your heart is that relationships may hurt me, relationships may make me sacrifice myself, and I have to read my own rights and boundaries.
Then if there is another person, he has never had such experience in the relationship. He has a very happy life in his original family. There are boundaries between him and his parents. The response from his parents is always good, which is safe and safe. Not controlling it, of course, is also an ideal situation. Speech argument. So if I want to compare these two types of people, the former will naturally have a hard time telling his subconscious when he later establishes a new relationship.
I crave relationship very much, and I really want to welcome this relationship into my life. He must be a little scared, so we use this perspective to understand ourselves, why am I more defensive, why can't I open up so quickly? We know in the rational part that maybe this person is good, or we know in the rational part that we want to establish a good relationship with the leader, but in the subconscious part we often don't think so. What do we think about the subconscious part of ? We need to understand this before we can solve the problems in our relationships.
We figured it out, we're right. To analyze what the subconscious feelings are, you can listen to them, you can learn psychology by reading articles in courses, or better yet, you can go for personal consultation. We can see what relationship means to me, and we can understand why I cannot communicate well with my leader, and why when I establish relationships with others, I always seem to want to retreat and escape. , I always seem to distrust others. The first step is to understand, and the next step is to adjust. If we don’t even know what the power of the subconscious part is, our adjustments will be just words on paper, in the brain and in the consciousness.
