Author丨Xiao Peng
Today, let’s talk about the sense of lack.
What do you think of when you see the word sense of scarcity?
I thought of my neighbor’s grandmother in childhood. During the holidays, her daughter would bring her something to eat, including chicken cake, but she was reluctant to eat it or give it to her family. , These chicken cakes were broken, she just started to eat them.
When I was young, I didn't understand the behavior of the old woman. Why did she put the chicken cake until it became moldy? When I grew up, I realized that this is a sense of scarcity at work.
The sense of scarcity is a kind of psychological feeling of “lack”. It has nothing to do with how much a person actually has, but has something to do with the inner black hole.
When people are trapped in a state of scarcity, what he sees is a black hole that is always dissatisfied, and there is no hunger enough.
Lack, represents a person’s mental poverty.
Three manifestations of psychological deprivation:
1. Always look at "deficiency"
People who are deficient in their hearts have a habit, that is, to look at the lack of everything.
People who are lacking in heart will see their own shortcomings. These shortcomings may be too fat, too thin, too introverted, too low in income, too bad interpersonal relationship...
is in contrast Therefore, people who are lacking in heart are particularly good at taking the strengths of others and being shorter than themselves, just like he is always reminding himself that "you can't do it, you can't do it".
This will create another state. People who are lacking in heart will often feel their own weakness, and they will feel that they are powerless and powerless to face the world like an adult.
People who are lacking in heart,He is also very good at seeing the shortcomings of people close to him, as if he is not good, as well as the people around him. It's like saying "I can't do it." If you are so close to me, it means that you are not so good.
He will uncontrollably belittle the people closest to him in order to weaken the self-esteem and self-confidence of these people.
2. Can't enjoy happiness and beauty
People who are deficient in heart cannot enjoy happiness and beauty, because it will make him feel a deep sense of guilt.
Therefore, he will avoid experiences related to happiness and beauty.
If he didn’t do a thing well, he would criticize himself, but if he did a thing well, he would think it should be right. He would not feel happy just because he did a thing well, on the contrary Will quickly switch himself to higher demands on himself.
Of course, people who are lacking in heart will not easily satisfy themselves. He will add many conditions to his needs. He is especially good at making himself wait, especially good at delaying satisfaction.
If you go to the supermarket to buy things, people who are lacking in heart will pay attention to those low-priced, discounted products.
Those good and expensive things seem to have nothing to do with him.
People who are deficient in their hearts have a sense of worthy corresponding to deprivation, and they will feel that they are not worthy of possession or enjoyment of good things. Once he has the good and enjoys the good, it will make him feel uneasy.
3. Hoarding and waste
People who are lacking in heart are also the type of people who like hoarding most.
cheap things, he will buy a bunch. In fact, he doesn't need that much, but cheap is too tempting for him. This creates a situation: a person with a lack of heart seems to be very economical, but in fact, he will also waste a lot of resources.
Just like I mentioned the storage of chicken cake in the beginning of the article, this seems to save resources, but every day of storage, the value of chicken cake will depreciate by one day. The old lady could have eaten the chicken cake when it was freshest,To maximize its value, but she made another choice, put the chicken cake, a little bit depreciation.
This reminds me of another story, you may have heard of it, and call it the story of the rotten apple.
Say there is a basket of apples, and there are rotten and good apples in this basket. Will you choose to eat the good ones first or the ones that are rotten first?
People who are lacking in heart will choose to eat the rotten ones first, and the good ones will always be ranked last. In the end, it is very likely that every apple he eats is not the freshest and delicious. It is like he is solving a problem, solving one rotten apple after another.
Are apples delicious? It's not that important anymore. The important thing is not to waste the rotten apples, and the result is that he did not waste the rotten apples, nor did he enjoy the good apples.
Once, I have seen a case story like this:
A man has assets of hundreds of millions, but he still feels that he is very poor and only eats steamed bread and pickles every day.
The story of this man made me see a sense of contrast: is financially rich and psychologically barren.
How much a person owns is not that important. The important thing is how much you can enjoy and whether you can make yourself and the things you own can reflect their due value.
The sense of scarcity in the heart is like a bottomless black hole, eroding a person’s heart, making it always miss the beauty, happiness, value and achievement
Then, How can we get rid of the inner lack of feeling?
Three suggestions:
1. Learn to appreciate yourself
Appreciating yourself is a very important lesson for people who are lacking in heart, and it is also a kind of attention switch. In the past, people who were lacking in their hearts were always looking at what was wrong with them.Now you can see what is good about yourself and learn to appreciate your own goodness.
Of course, appreciating yourself is very difficult for people who are lacking in heart. This is like fighting against your inner habits. The first period of time will make you feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t matter. Appreciation is like a The beam of light hits you. At first you are not used to this beam of light, but slowly, you can bathe yourself in the sun.
2. Be grateful for what you already have
Being grateful is also very important.
If we say that lack is not good at looking at everything, then gratitude is looking at what you have and what is good.
For example:
You can be grateful for your body because it is complete and healthy.
You can be grateful that you have a job, which can satisfy your food and clothing problems.
You can also thank your partner, he has been with you for many years.
When you look at your surroundings with a grateful eye, you will find a lot of things that you couldn't see before, but the past, you always habitually ignore it.
3. Allow yourself to enjoy the good
When you allow yourself to enjoy the good, you truly have the good.
People who are lacking in heart are actually very distressing, because you have been treating yourself harshly and putting yourself in a state of suffering. If you have had enough of your soul and want to liberate yourself, you might as well allow yourself to enjoy some good things.
Of course, enjoying the good may make you feel guilty, and guilt will make all good things very bad.
So, you can try it in the space you permit and slowly get out of your comfort zone.
It's like you used to eat steamed buns and pickles. Now you can also taste fruits and fresh vegetables.
Freezing is not three days of cold,Getting rid of the sense of want is not something that can be done overnight.
If the sense of scarcity is a black hole, you don't need to fill the black hole. What you can do is to open the door of your heart and let the sun and beauty shine on you, flow through you, and warm you, because you are worth it.
.Author: Xiaopeng, a second-level psychological counselor, an idealist who is moving towards reality, is engaged in psychological counseling full-time, and is good at emotional problem counseling, marriage relationship counseling, and personal growth counseling.
