School-absorbent Heart Camp: My child studies very hard, but why can’t I get rewards?

netizens asked:

Why is the effort always unrewarded?

01

Guanxinying replied:

Efforts will be rewarded, but sometimes, the rewards and expectations may not be the same.

We are a psychological counseling agency.

often encounters visitors who usually look [abnormal].

There was a child before, who was dragged by her mother to find a psychological teacher for an [intelligence test], and then referred to us.

As soon as she sat down, her mother talked tirelessly about her child.

His son is now in the third year of junior high school, and it is almost impossible to sleep before 12 o'clock at night. (The school has morning exercises at 7:00 in the morning) The rest days are also occupied, and all the time is spent on make-up classes, but the results are still ugly.

So the mother wondered if the child's intelligence was defective?

Of course, the psychology teacher at the school knew that this was not an intellectual problem, but he couldn't figure it out, so he asked his mother to find a psychologist.

I have to say that this mother's execution is very good, and she made an appointment very quickly.

02

This mother is in real estate sales, deputy store manager, and sales champion. When we introduced the child's [question], she was dancing and eloquent.

said that when he was in the third year of junior high school, he compared a three; when he said that at 12:00, he compared one hand with a 1 and the other hand a 2; on Sunday, he pointed to his watch and showed the fee for making up lessons.

really deserves to be the top seller, this expressive ability is three-dimensional and rich.

The same is true when this mother teaches her children.

Her management of the child is really [all-inclusive]. She has no time to watch, so she installs a camera in the child's room. We are shocked that her son can agree to it?

Of course, her son also had to agree that as long as he slackens a little and makes a little mistake, his mother starts babbling on to reason and emotional drama.

The mother's language is like a flood, drowning the whole child.

This is not an exaggerated description, but a description of the child's true feelings.

- This kid can't even breathe when the fuck is talking.

03

When faced with this situation, my son didn't even have the chance to retaliate.

Forget about him, we, as trained professionals, can't get in.

As long as the child's grades drop, or if there is a slight slack, the mother will feel uncomfortable and always want to do something to change. Excellent quality like

, eloquence and execution are great at work, but terrible at home.

Obviously, in this case, if the son does not even try hard under the high pressure control of his mother, he will have a miserable life.

Therefore, the child can relieve his mother's anxiety by studying hard and prevent him from being continuously [attacked] by his mother; at the same time, he can leave the responsibility to his mother - I did as you said, if the test is not good, don't do it. Blame me.

Children do not bear the consequences and responsibilities of learning.

Efforts are indeed rewarded, but the reward is not the academic performance, but to appease the emotions of the two people, so that the mother and son can maintain the harmony on the surface.

However, grades are not deceiving. Children are busy dealing with external interference, so how can they have the heart to study? When

tried hard to avoid the invasion of my mother, in order to avoid pain, I had to stop thinking.

Subconsciously, it is also hinting to my mother - I am a fool, don't spend time on me.

Sometimes, it is not that the effort is not rewarded, but the content of the reward may be beyond your imagination.

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