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Sanmao once said:
originally, the happiness of family is the most precious kind of sentiment and comfort in the world. It is a pity that in every family, more or less, the concept and behavior of parents and children cannot be completed. Consistent, unpleasant mood also followed.
There are exceptions to everything. Parents who can choose to withdraw from their children’s lives at an appropriate time and plan their own lives can also have family happiness.
Yesterday, my aunt had her 70th birthday, we went to celebrate. The aunt gave birth to 3 daughters and 1 son. Watching a cozy scene where the family is happy and happy, many relatives are envious and quietly ask the secrets of the aunt's family harmony.
The aunt who was immersed in joy, smiled and said that there is no secret, that is, parents should learn to let go when their children grow up and start a family. Even if they fall or fall, it is their business.
In short, as a parent, as long as you do the following 3 points, you can enjoy your old age happily.
01: Appropriately selfish, leave a way for yourself
Many parents have dedicated their lives for their children. It seems that children are everything to them, and it is natural to help them. However, when the child grows up, has his own small family, and becomes old and sick, he realizes that he has nothing.
parents, instead of waiting until that time to regret, it is better to think about yourself in advance.
When the uncle Wang next door married his son, the couple spent almost all their savings and bought him a suite as a wedding room. Soon after marriage, Uncle Wang naturally became a grandfather.
Last year, Uncle Wang's son watched his children grow older and he was about to go to school. He wanted to buy another school district house, but he didn't have enough money, so he wanted to borrow money from Uncle Wang.
Uncle Wang immediately refused when he heard: "Son, although my father wants to help you very much, but the family really can't afford to pay for it, your mother and I rely on farming to make ends meet, and the family has no other income..."
listens to father With that said, Uncle Wang’s son had no choice but to dispel this idea and think of a solution for himself.
Actually, Uncle Wang has indeed saved tens of thousands of dollars in frugality over the years, but considering that he and his wife are getting older, his body is getting more and more problems. If he goes to the hospital that day, it is an urgent need Money helps.
So, Uncle Wang chose to stay. He thinks so, no matter how good the children are, there will always be times when they are not in time. It is better to save money in your own hands. If you give all the money to your son, you have to reach out and ask for it in case you become ill in the future and need it urgently.
If the child has loose hands, there is no problem. In case the child has a tight hand, maybe a new contradiction will come again.
Uncle Wang's neighbor, Uncle Liu, is the best example.
In order to buy a house, the children simply squeezed the old couple dry. One day, Uncle Liu was accidentally hit by a car and was seriously injured. At that time, her wife was so anxious that she called her son, but the son did not pick him up at work.
Later, Uncle Wang collected the money to complete the operation in time. Otherwise, waiting for his son to rush back from the field, Uncle Liu may have missed the best time for surgery.
So, instead of getting anxious at the critical moment, it is better to leave yourself a way out as early as possible to benefit others.
02: Understand that children and grandchildren have their own blessings, and don’t interfere too much.
Many families always habitually dig out their hearts and lungs for their children when their children are young.
When the child grew up, the parents also habitually made suggestions about what kind of job they chose and what kind of daughter-in-law to marry, and some parents even went on their behalf.
is like Xu Qingfeng's mother in the TV series "Centimeter of Love", she takes care of her son. What kind of department and project the son chooses; what kind of object the son should look for... She has to intervene forcibly. As long as Xu Qingfeng is reluctant, she immediately applies for volunteers in the hospital. Fang Wei stared at his son until Xu Qingfeng compromised.
Later, Xu Qingfeng started dating doctor Hua Linjie according to her request. She thought she would be satisfied, but unexpectedly, her hand stretched longer and longer.
peopleAs soon as Lin Jie came to the door, she began to forcibly convey her thoughts to her. For example, Xu Qingfeng does not eat corn dumplings; when mixing with flour, pour warm water and then cold water. Such dumpling skins taste sweet; when cooking, make sure that they are hygienic while cooking. It's done...In short, the family must listen to her, and no one can break this rule.
Ke Linjie is a woman of the new era after all. She has knowledge and culture, and the most important thing is her own independent thinking. She has no way to cooperate with Xu's mother unconditionally like Xu Qingfeng. As a result, her arrival disrupted Xu's mother's 30-year habit, which made Xu's mother very crazy. On the day of
, Lin Jie came back again. Xu Qingfeng hadn't gotten off work, so the courier delivered an express delivery. It was Xu Qingfeng's. When Xu's mother saw him, she didn't have time to greet Lin Jie, so she started to open the express.
Lin Jie asked, "This is Xu Qingfeng's courier. You can help to dismantle it before others come back." Mother Xu smiled and said, "Why not dismantle it? How messy it is to leave it at home." Lin Jie hurriedly answered. "I didn’t mean that. My parents and my mom would never help me open the courier."
"There is a habit of a family, I and Qingfeng, we never have a boundary, he has no secrets to me." He should have the right to keep his privacy." When Xu mother heard this, she was unhappy, "Lin Jie, don't follow me on the line. For others, you have privacy, but when a family is together every day, what privacy do you have? Ah. You are clear, that it's an outsider, right?" As soon as
finished speaking, Xu's mother's express was also taken apart, and it was a sweeping robot. It turned out that this was a gift from Lin Jie to Xu Qingfeng. Unexpectedly, this gift caused Xu's mother's strong dissatisfaction. She always felt that Lin Jie was accusing her of dirty housework and wanted to drive her away. In fact, Lin Jie just saw her hard.
Afterwards, Xu's mother regretted letting Xu Qingfeng deal with Lin Jie, fearing that she would have no place in her son's heart. In the end, due to Xu's mother's overworry, the two were still separated. I have to say that Xu's mother's approach is really too much, and no one can stand it.
Maybe the child needs someone to guide or help at different stages, but parents must grasp the degree. When it comes to principle issues and the child's own choice, the child should let the child make his own choice, and never control the child. Thoughts.
03: Although there are many children, don't be partial and treat them equally
Many families have complicated relationships within the family because the older generations are confused and love a certain child in particular, which inadvertently complicates the problem.
In the TV series "The Centimeter of Love", Guan Yuqing's younger brother plans to get married, and her parents cannot afford to buy a house temporarily, so Guan Yuqing has to move out and let her brother get married.
Guan Yuqing was too angry and asked his father to be reasonable. Unexpectedly, my father said, "The family has no reason to say, it is about family affection. If you are strong, you should help your younger brother. Otherwise, you will not talk about family affection and have no human affection." At
, Guan Yuqing couldn't help it anymore. He asked the father: "Dad, did you give birth to a daughter to raise a son, right? A daughter exists to subsidize his son? No matter how bad a son is, she is a treasure, no matter how good a daughter is, she is a grass. As long as the son speaks, It doesn’t matter if it’s money or a house, it doesn’t matter. As long as I don’t take the money back, I’m indifferent, unfilial, ungrateful, and impersonal. Isn’t that true?”
Although the daughter is more reasonable, the father still drove her out regardless After going out, he seemed to have forgotten that Guan Yuqing bought the house, and her name was also on the property certificate.
Guan Yuqing looked at her blushing and panting father, lifted her head and left without looking back. But my father never expected that if he did this this time, he would never count when he was angry.
Every child hopes to be recognized and treated equally by their parents. If a parent blindly favors a child, it will only quickly aggravate the conflicts in the family.
So what about parents? You must learn to have a bowl of water and be smooth, the palms of your hands and the backs of your hands are all fleshy, don't be partial, and learn to praise each child casually. This will make the children more confident, more present, and more conducive to family harmony.
summarizes:
people must understand these principles in their old age to get the filial piety of their children and truly enjoy their old age.
May your life, from beginning to end, be aliveGot to understand!
How do you want to live when you are old?
