01
In a family with many children, when parents deal with their children's affairs, they must treat them equally as much as possible and balance their own strength.
For example, when dealing with the boss's affairs, you must consider the second brother. Don't spend all your savings now. When the second boss has to do things, you will have no money. If parents do not treat each child fairly, conflicts will arise between the children.
As the old saying goes, "Brothers will settle accounts." Brothers and sisters must settle accounts between themselves, so that they can remain friendly for a long time. If you are unclear and confused, conflicts will occur sooner or later. If you wait to settle the matter after a conflict occurs, you will be rude and the relationship will never be the same as before.
02
The parents-in-law paid full price for their son’s wedding house. The son and his daughter-in-law sold the wedding house five years after their marriage and planned to buy a school district house for their children. After the mother-in-law found out, she asked her son's family to use part of the proceeds from the sale of the house to provide a dowry for her sister-in-law.
This is what happened at Aunt Xu’s house. Because her son and daughter-in-law were unwilling to take out the money, Aunt Xu cried and made trouble with them. Let’s hear their family’s story below.
Narrator: Aunt Xu
Age: 62 years old
Occupation: Unemployed
City: Kaiyuan
03
My daughter-in-law is the daughter of a friend of my husband. I watched her grow up and have always liked her. So when my son was looking for a partner, I tried my best to bring them together. I thought they were a perfect match.
My daughter-in-law looked down on my son a little at first, but my son liked her very much and actively pursued her. In order to marry my daughter-in-law, the old man and I made many promises to the woman's family, including buying the wedding house in full, and the daughter-in-law agreed.
When we got married, the old man and I both had a good reputation and spent all our savings to make everything from the wedding room to wedding gifts, banquets, etc. grand and decent. My son and daughter-in-law are naturally very happy, and the old man and I also have a lot of face in front of our in-laws.
Actually, when I was planning my wedding, my sister reminded me several times, telling me to take it easy and not spend all the money. I still have a daughter! But at that time, the old man and I thought that we should deal with our son’s marriage first, and deal with our daughter’s affairs later.
My daughter is 5 years younger than my son. The old man and I are still working. By the time my daughter gets married, we will definitely have some savings. Besides, since our daughter is getting married, it doesn’t matter even if we don’t have money, the groom’s family will have to pay the bride price anyway.
04
In the second year after my son got married, my daughter-in-law gave birth to a big fat boy, and she became a great contributor to our family. She said that calling grandparents can’t be in vain, they have to show some expression! The old man and I can only bear all the expenses for my daughter-in-law to have a baby.
After my daughter-in-law was discharged from the hospital, I took care of her during her confinement period, so the expenses of my son's family fell on me. All the wages my son earned were given to his daughter-in-law, who pretended to be deaf and refused to give me money to buy groceries, so I had to pay for it myself. Slowly, the water and electricity bills of my son’s house also fell on me.
After my daughter-in-law gave birth to her baby, she wanted to organize a full-month banquet for her child, and she asked us, the old couple, to pay for it. Now that the daughter-in-law has spoken, if we don't agree, the son and daughter-in-law will definitely be unhappy, and we, the old couple, will have to spend money to host the full-moon banquet.
My daughter-in-law also has a good reputation, and the banquet was of a very high standard, so we, the old couple, were "hemorrhaging" again. After the full moon banquet, I thought I could go back to my home, but my son and daughter-in-law asked me to continue taking care of the children. As a result, I couldn't work at all, so I had to quit my job.
After I took charge of taking care of the children, I naturally had no income. My husband's income also has to go to the son's family for expenses, leaving our old couple with no money at all. What's worse is that the old man's health is getting worse and worse. He always has pain here and there. He often takes time off from work and his income has dropped significantly.
05
When my grandson was three years old, the old man fell ill and passed away. I never dreamed that the old man would die so early. This was a bolt from the blue for me. When handling the old man's funeral arrangements, the son and daughter quarreled, and the son demanded that the funeral expenses be shared equally with his daughter.
The daughter thinks that she has not yet married, she does not have much savings on hand, and she paid a lot of medical bills when her father was ill. In addition, our old couple’s lifetime savings have been dedicated to our son’s family. The son is carrying on the family lineage, so the father’s funeral expenses should be borne by the son and his daughter-in-law.
The two children were so quarreling. When I saw them quarreling, I felt even more sad. This was "fratricide"! Later, I fainted from sadness. My daughter couldn't bear it, so she agreed to split the money equally.
More than a year later, my daughter’s boyfriend’s family urged her to get married, because her daughter and her boyfriend were both old enough, and they really should get married. Because the daughter has no money on hand, she feels that all the wedding expenses will be paid by the man, and she will have no status after marriage, so she is very depressed.
My daughter said that now men and women are equal . When many of her friends get married, the woman also has to pay for the house. After marriage, the couple can live on an equal footing. My daughter said this with resentment. She knew that I had no money, and the old man and I had dedicated all our money to my son's family.
06
After hearing what my daughter said, I felt very uncomfortable. Then I remembered what my sister had said to me when my son got married. If the old man and I hadn't spent all our savings on our son's marriage and left a dowry money for our daughter, we wouldn't be like this now.
Since the old man passed away, I have no money to pay for my son’s family expenses, and my son and daughter-in-law don’t like me very much. If they didn't still need me to take care of the children and do housework, etc., they would have kicked me out long ago.
At this time, my son and daughter-in-law sold the house and wanted to move into my old house for a while. It turned out that the daughter-in-law was interested in a house in a school district, so they sold the house they owned when they got married. They wanted to use their savings to buy a house in a school district so that their grandson could go to a good school. After buying the house in the
school district, they still need to renovate it, so they have to move to my old house. The old house belongs to me and the old man. My daughter-in-law proposed that I give the old house to them to avoid any trouble with the real estate after my death.
I asked my son and daughter-in-law to use part of the money from selling the wedding house to pay for their daughter’s dowry. The son and daughter-in-law immediately disagreed, saying that they wanted to buy a house in the school district and couldn't touch the money. Besides, the wedding house belongs to them, why should they give part of the house sale proceeds to their sister-in-law?
07
I just talked about the situation when we bought the house. The old man and I spent everything we had for our son. Now that my daughter is getting married, if I don't get any money, I feel sorry for my daughter. My son called me an old fool, saying that my daughter was married off and would belong to another family in the future. How could I give my property to another family?
But I feel that my son and daughter are both flesh and blood that have fallen from my body. Although my son stayed at home to continue the family lineage and my daughter was married off, I can't be too partial. I also have to consider my daughter's feelings.
Because my son and daughter-in-law firmly disagreed, I cried and argued with them. I also did not agree to transfer the old house to them. My daughter originally had a strong objection to me because I gave all my property to my son but had nothing to give to her.
But after seeing me quarreling with my son and daughter-in-law, my daughter softened her heart and persuaded me to stop the quarrel. She didn’t want anything else. After much consideration, I decided to give this old house to my daughter, but only after my death.
I wrote a will, had it notarized, and then gave the will and notarized certificate to my daughter as her dowry. My son and daughter-in-law were so angry that they looked at me every day after they moved into my old house. I asked them to move out immediately after the new house is decorated, and I won't take care of my grandson.
Conclusion:
In a family with many children, if parents are partial, it is easy for children to have conflicts.In fact, many children can still accept a little favoritism. After all, it is difficult to be absolutely fair. But if the partiality is too outrageous, it is unacceptable. Everyone longs for fairness in their heart.
When Aunt Xu and her husband dealt with their son's marriage, they did not consider their daughter at all. They thought they were still capable. But things are unpredictable and accidents can happen at any time, so you must be prepared for a rainy day. For some things, if you take precautions early, you can avoid a lot of trouble.
Aunt Xu’s family initially gave all their property to their son without considering their daughter at all. Later, when the funeral was held for his father, the son had to share the funeral expenses equally with his daughter. Of course, the daughter would have objections. Fortunately, Aunt Xu later came to her senses and decided to give the old house to her daughter, but not until a hundred years later.
If Aunt Xu had given the house to her son or daughter early, she would have lost her old home. The old man must leave a way out for himself. Sons are treasures, and so are daughters. Now that men and women are equal, parents must treat their children equally. The author of
is a creator in the emotional field, focusing on various issues in the emotional field. Welcome to pay attention. Life is warm because of affection and love. Let us grow in love and spend every day in true love.
