I don’t know when it started. Whether a person should get married has become a topic. There are naturally various factors behind this problem, but in the final analysis, there is one factor that cannot be ignored.
Li Yinhe said in the book "Li Yinhe Talks about Love": "So what are the reasons why young people don't want to get married nowadays? It is not easy to answer this question, but one of the most intuitive and specific reasons we can see is that the cost of divorce is too high. This cost of divorce includes material and spiritual costs."
A person does not want to get married because the cost of divorce is too high? It can be seen that many people have a negative attitude towards marriage, and they do not think that marriage will be a long-term thing.
In the past, people always said that marriage is a big event, a big event that affects a lifetime. Once you get married, there is no room for choice. But now, this statement seems to be untenable because there are too many people around me who live a mess after marriage, and end up with divorce.
It is precisely because more and more people are divorced that people feel that no matter how good the relationship between two people is, once they get married, their relationship will be exhausted and eventually become people who are disgusted with each other. Such a phenomenon does exist, but it has to be admitted that good marriages still exist, and there are many more. Many couples' relationships after marriage not only do not fade with time, but their relationships are getting better and better.
For example, Li Yinhe has a good relationship with her husband, whether it is the first marriage or the second marriage. Anyone who knows Li Yinhe knows that the reason why she has two marriages is not because there is a problem with her relationship, but because her first husband, , Wang Xiaobo, , passed away. But the relationship between the two of them is really good. The same is true for the second marriage.
I have to say that Li Yinhe is lucky. Whether it is the first husband or the second husband, he has a very deep relationship with her, but we cannot say that Li Yinhe is the one who enjoys her success. In fact, Li Yinhe knows how to manage the relationship between husband and wife very well.
Some women are like this. No matter who they are with, they will live a happy life. Li Yinhe is such a woman. It is also from her marriage that we know that couples with really good relationships will take the initiative to do these two things.
01 Couples should communicate frequently.
In the Galaxy's view, the relationship between two people will naturally change after marriage. After marriage, the relationship between two people should be not only love, but also friendship and family affection, which is a mixture of three emotions.
She said: "Family affection is easy to understand. It means that on all issues of food, rice, oil and salt, two people can take care of each other and be considerate. A higher level is that it is best to establish a friendly relationship between the two people, and have a spiritual communication like friends. Outlook on life, values, views on the world and various things, you can talk about everything and speak freely."
Then she mentioned when she was with Wang Xiaobo, saying that both of them were very busy, but sometimes they would run to a small park next to fly kites and talk about their own worries, or what they had encountered recently. She said that there should be frequent communication at this level, and Wang Xiaobo called this and two people had a heart-to-heart talk .
Are you married? How are you doing with your partner? How long has it been since you had a good chat together? What do you both do when you are both at home?
This reminds me of Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu in the TV series "Thirty Only". Their lives seem to be carefree, and Zhong Xiaoqin is never worried about things, but gradually she finds that she is becoming more and more lonely. She and Chen Yu can hardly speak well. Chen Yu does his own business every day, and she watches dramas after she gets home from get off work.
She tried to change this life and improve the relationship between the two, but in the end, because neither of them knew what to do, they ended in divorce.
In fact, such things are really common. Many couples are like this. They are busy with life every day, but they only ignore emotional factors. They either feel that it is unnecessary or they just feel that the other party doesn’t understand them, and it’s useless to say it.
But if you are with your own pillow, the person who lives with you every day cannot open up and talk well, how can the relationship between the two people be good?
Therefore, if a couple wants a good relationship, they must take the initiative to communicate with each other. Of course, we cannot communicate in a complaining tone or a lofty tone, but like Li Yinhe said, talking about everything and speaking freely like a friend.
02 Conflicts are no night
In the book "Li Yinhe Talks about Love", Li Yinhe wrote: "In addition to the emotional factors after marriage, the most important thing in managing a marriage relationship is that you need to have your own way of adjusting conflicts."
In Li Yinhe's view, conflicts occur between husband and wife. If both parties can abide by some small principles, the problem can be solved.
She mentioned that one of the principles she abides in marriage is the principle that conflicts last night.
She said that if she was a little unhappy today or even quarreled, she must resolve it that night. She must not drag it down until the two of them almost ignore each other, or even ignore each other for two weeks, and then ignore them for three months. Doing so will cause too much harm to marriage.
Someone may ask: After there is a conflict, who should take the initiative to solve the problem? If you take the initiative to solve the problem, will you be too shameless?
Perhaps this is what some people think, but it is also a factor that hinders the relationship between two people. After all, in marriage, what you need is not face, not right or wrong, but happiness.
Of course, saying this does not mean that a person has to compromise without any bottom line. If that person violates your principles and does something unforgivable, you naturally have to follow your own ideas. But if it is just a noisy in daily life, you need to take the initiative to solve this problem and don’t delay your relationship because of face.
Li Yinhe said that If both parties remember this principle, no matter what they are like today, they must speak up at night. After the talk was made, the two of them took responsibility, gave in, resolved the conflict before going to bed, and would be a good couple the next day. This is a very important technique.
After all, marriage is a matter between two people. It is impossible to always expect one party to take the initiative, nor can it expect those problems to disappear automatically. If many problems accumulate too much, they will completely become some irreversible harm in people's hearts. Therefore, when problems are encountered, they should solve them in a timely manner. This is something that both people should take the initiative to do.
Unfortunate marriages have their own misfortunes, but good marriages are similar. They not only know how to deal with emotional problems, but also know how to deal with various contradictions. The reason why many people cannot encounter a good marriage cannot be said to be someone else's problem. First of all, they should think about what they want to do.
Li Yinhe's love and marriage are worthy of reference by many people. After all, her love is beautiful and her marriage is also very happy. And these are definitely not just a matter of luck, they have a direct relationship with her.
As a social research expert, Li Yinhe has been studying for a long time and has been related to marriage and love. Therefore, reading the books she wrote will really make people learn to view love and marriage correctly and learn to deal with various problems encountered in marriage.
So, it is recommended that you and your lover read this book "Li Yinhe Talks about Love". Of course, if you are single, you can also read it. There are good suggestions in this book about how a person should view love and how to choose a marriage.
To put it bluntly, whether it is a love problem or a marriage problem, it has something to do with each of us, so this book is worth reading by everyone. After all, if you know more, the probability of meeting happiness will be higher.
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