The reader wrote to me and said:
My ex-husband and I met and got married through my colleague's introduction. When the marriage life came to the 6th year, we divorced. There is no third party involved between us, but it is awkward to live together: different growth environments, different eating habits, different hobbies, and different life plans make us very tired in this relationship. Just to give my son a complete home, we have become strangers under the same roof since we were married for more than four years. When we were planning to divorce, we sat down and had a more serious discussion. In the end, we reached a consensus: if we could not give our son a happy growth environment, even if the marriage was complete, our son would not be happy, so we broke up peacefully. Because the house belongs to the ex-husband's pre-marital property and I was not able to raise my son alone at that time, from reality, my son is handed over to the ex-husband to raise him, and I have the right to visit .
In a blink of an eye, my ex-husband and I have been divorced for 3 years. He has been reorganizing his family for a year, and I am still single. During this period, I kept visiting my son once a month at my ex-husband's house. I can feel that my ex-husband’s current wife is very good to my ex-husband’s son and I. It is no exaggeration to say that my son’s dependence on his ex-husband’s current wife is even stronger than that on me and his ex-husband. I am very pleased to see my son grow up healthily and happily.
My self-awareness of myself: I grew up in a poor family with particularly poor parents' relationships, which led to me being particularly fond of money and having a bad temper, while my ex-husband is the simpler type of person. So much so that I would be inexplicably sad in front of my ex-husband, the key is that he could not take care of my emotions. It made it more painful for me and my ex-husband to live together. After I actually divorced my ex-husband, I gradually felt his goodness and my shortcomings. In the years since I divorced my ex-husband, I have also had new thoughts about my future life and found that perhaps people like me who have obvious personality defects are not suitable for marriage at all. This is also the main reason why I remain single after my divorce. At present, I just want to work hard and strive to realize my dream of having a house in the city I work as soon as possible. If conditions permit, I will save some money for my son.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
There are all kinds of strange things in the world. Perhaps some people show enthusiasm or indifference in front of outsiders, but when he returns to his own world, he can feel his anxiety, sadness, inferiority, and depression. The reason why some people are plagued by negative energy is not that they don’t want to be truly happy, but because their parents’ emotional misfortune makes them feel inferior; their ideals fail to reflect reality, which makes them feel a little depressed; they are not able to withstand stress, and are depressed when they suffer setbacks; or they fail to meet someone who understands him in the emotional field, which leads to their own loss. When a person is concentrated in life by too many unpleasant things, the person may feel that living is meaningless, so that someone chooses to commit suicide.
When you are alive, you need to be limited by some rules and regulations, but the desire for freedom is an instinct. Once your lifestyle cannot be displayed in the state you expect, you will be sad. At this time, you must try to reconcile with yourself and with those around you. During this period, things we should understand: 1) No one will give you as condones as parents; 2) In any era, there are unfairness between people; 3) Instead of complaining about people you don’t like and things you don’t like, it’s better to maximize your strength within your ability. When you don’t have the ability to be strong, you must learn to swallow your anger; 4) When you desire to be understood by more people, you must first make yourself a kind and open-minded person.
needs to be admitted that a person's personality and way of doing things are indeed closely related to the growth environment, so that sometimes people can feel their personality defects and want to change themselves, but find that they do not have that perseverance. The result can only make themselves worse and worse by showing off.There are two common phenomena in life: 1) When your career is frustrated, you will imply that you should study professional knowledge hard, and in the end you will only have a 3-minute popularity. Most of the time, you will just forget the pain after healing; 2) Faced with your round body, you will keep losing weight all day long, but you still can't control your mouth and accept the temptation of food, or you are too lazy to plan your exercise into your daily arrangements at all.
Two commonalities among people: 1) When educating others, you can tell a lot of great principles, but when you ask for it, you choose to be casual; 2) Say that human beings are not as good as human beings. Perhaps, the so-called hard work and cheering cannot make you a person at the top of the pyramid of your own expertise. It is determined by a person's success requires talent, luck, family background, popularity and other factors. But we also need to admit that if you cannot work hard and cheer and self-discipline in life, you will gradually be left behind by the people around you in the field you are good at. For this reason, it is really important for a person to discipline himself in this life. Especially when facing your own shortcomings and personality defects, you may not be able to make great improvements. At least you can proceed step by step in fine adjustment. If you are unwilling to correct your shortcomings and personality defects, you will knowingly commit it.
When choosing a marriage partner, more people hope to find someone who understands themselves. The key is that people do not empathize at all, so different growth experiences will also lead to some misunderstandings and frictions between the two people. At this time, you will complain that the other party does not understand you, and the other party may think you are a little unreasonable. In fact, it is just because even if we have the awareness of thinking from others, we may not be able to understand your expectations for life. For this reason, in the field of love, there is another word called the best match. Perhaps, two people with similar growth experiences can better understand each other during dating, and can even heal each other and encourage each other. Sometimes, it may be because of the bad ones, but because they are not suitable for the two.
A person's lifestyle may have formed a certain freeze over the long river of time, so that people will have their own stubbornness and persistence in dealing with people, eating habits, interests and hobbies, so that when they cannot be approachable or generous enough, they will feel that when they get too close to someone, it will not only make themselves feel awkward, but will also bring awkwardness to the other party. In this case, I gradually realized one thing: I am more comfortable when I am still alone, but I will feel lonely at some point. However, no matter what kind of lifestyle you choose, you will have regrets and awkwardness, or it is difficult to achieve the best of both worlds in any lifestyle. At this time, you need to choose a lifestyle that is more suitable for you and face the regrets in this lifestyle.
Postscript:
In this era, people's impetuousness mainly comes from feeling that their lives are not as bright as many people around them. In fact, no matter what kind of circle you are in, there are people who can do better than you. To this end, it is very important to learn to adjust your mindset. Regarding life, don’t force yourself to be perfect. As long as you feel that what you do is worthy of your efforts and does not hurt people who are more important to you, you will be very kind.
People live their lives and cannot protect everything carefully. Unhappy is the norm in life. Never think that the world is not worth it when you are unhappy, because there are also expectations of parents, lovers, children, and relatives and friends for you. If you have realized that you have obvious personality flaws and you cannot do a good job of self-sufficiency, choosing to live a single lifestyle is also a way of life, and you should not let yourself be too sad when you are single.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
