The reader wrote to me and said:
My lover and I met through online social software. We were in the same city and lived a distance of about 15 kilometers. After exchanging photos with each other, we were particularly interested in each other, which made the chat between us more enthusiastic and smooth. After chatting for about a week, we met in real life. Because we all have families, we don’t meet so often, but I can feel the strong love from this relationship. During this period, he would take me on a trip, take me to eat delicious food, and buy me gifts.
Let’s talk about my relationship with my husband: My husband is a relatively honest and honest person with a stable job, but because he is not fighting or competing at work, he is still an ordinary employee at work. My husband has no hobbies after work, but he is very diligent in doing housework. More often, I feel that a relatively ordinary life with my husband is quite comfortable. However, everyone will have vanity, especially when the husbands of colleagues or best friends are particularly profitable, or when they can provide them with a more romantic life atmosphere, I will scold my husband under the influence of comparative intentions, mainly because I feel that he is incompetent and feel that living with him is too cowardly.
The lover's annual income is more than ten times that of my husband. The key is that he is willing to spend money on me, which leads to the urge to divorce my husband and reorganize his marriage with his lover. After I told my best friend about this, my best friend reminded me like this, you might as well tell the person that you have divorced your husband and see what he reacts. A few days ago, my lover took me on a trip and I told him that my husband and I were divorced. Lovers: Why don’t you discuss this big thing with me? Me: Didn’t you say you really love me? Since you love me, I should divorce my husband and start a new family with you. Is there any problem? Unexpectedly, my lover immediately turned against me: I will not leave my wife and children because of your existence. Me: Are all the love you said before is fake? Lover: It’s just a game that you want when you play the show and get the game you need. If you are serious, it’s just that you are wrong. At this point, I have seen the true face of my lover, and since then, we have no contact in any form.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
What is love? It is not only the attraction of mutual external conditions, but also the responsibilities and obligations after the relationship is fixed, which involves many things, such as: the feelings of children, the feelings of parents, social opinions and their own reputation. It is precisely because marriage is a more complex existence that people have such an sigh: Some people may be suitable for dating, but if they are involved in marriage, they will almost be in a hurry. It is because when choosing a marriage partner, people will also take into account each other's education, three views and other habits. So people also sigh in the field of love: It is easy to fall in love and difficult to stay together. After all, love is a matter for two people, and running a marriage requires taking care of the feelings of all members of the two families. Therefore, it is not easy to start a family.
Many people will have such confusion? Is an extramarital affair considered true love? My understanding is: they like each other on the external and conditional level. But we also need to admit an objective fact: although many people get flirted with love outside of marriage, few are willing to divorce their lovers. More often, when facing relationships, people will weigh the pros and cons. During this period: the family affection accumulated with their lover, the responsibilities and obligations they need to fulfill for their children, and the feelings of taking care of their parents are all factors that people will consider. In addition, although many people are flirting with each other outside of marriage, they are prone to despising their lovers in their bones. They feel that people who are ambiguous with themselves without hiding their lovers are a bit frivolous in their private life. The superposition of various factors leads to the fact that extramarital affairs will basically end with a breakup.
The reason why many people seem impatient when facing their lovers forcing marriage is because they never thought that this relationship could last forever. The result is that when they want to change their minds, they will feel oppressed. In this case, I feel that the stability of my marriage has been disturbed, which makes me instinctively reject my lover.However, we also need to examine the final direction of relationships from reality: when a relationship cannot get the result of marriage, similar feelings are just a joke. I am already an adult, so don’t say that I don’t want to be eternal, but only that I have had similar childish words. Once you have true feelings in a relationship, you will show a desire to possess. When you cannot take the person you love very much, you will inevitably suffer from the pain after losing it.
There are too many things in this world that are real and real. Before the critical moment, perhaps sweet words are really impressive. Only when we encounter problems can we see a person's true face clearly. Nowadays, you should be glad that you did not divorce your husband in an impulse state, but pretended to divorce, tested your lover's reaction, and saw clearly your lover's true attitude towards you. Maybe he can give you a small favor, but it is far less than the long flow of your husband giving you. Now that you are separated from your lover, you need to reflect on this relationship and the truth of your marriage life. I hope you can pay more attention to your husband in your future life through this special experience.
Look at this from another perspective: you have nothing to be sad about, after all, the worst result has not happened to you. If you divorce your husband impulsively, your lover will not accept you. If this is the result, you will regret it. For this reason, you should not continue to focus on the matter between you and your lover. After all, it is just a game and you need to show your feelings of willingness to accept the loss. Next thing you need to do: let yourself heal the love hurt you have gained from your lover without knowing it. After your emotions stabilize, you need to have a process of self-repentance and reflect on your husband's goodness during this period: he may be ordinary, but he is enough to make you worry-free and at ease. This kind of life is a down-to-earth life.
Message to everyone: Never think that the better opposite sex you meet after marriage is true love. Perhaps you only see the brighter part of the other party, but not the darker part of the other party. In the field of love, we need to pay attention to coming first and coming later, and firmly believe that the person you meet at the age of marriage is a more reliable person. If there is no big conflict between husband and wife during the process of running a marriage, and husband and wife are also more intimate, don’t lose your ordinary life easily. You should know: even if a person has strong ability to make money, if he is unwilling to spend money for you, his money has nothing to do with you; even if a person has good external conditions, if he cannot guarantee the uniqueness of his relationship with you, it will be particularly painful to be with him.
Postscript:
When looking for a marriage partner, many people will find it is actually quite difficult to meet the right person, or they may not like the other person, or they may not like each other. Later, I finally met a person who could reach a marriage consensus. After getting married, I felt that their relationship became particularly dull in the waste of time. At this time, don’t think that what you have is not that precious. Only when you really lose and find a new marriage partner will you fall into a difficult situation.
I hope everyone can treat marriage with a more cautious attitude. Never think it doesn’t matter when you have it, and only then will you truly regret it after losing it. You might as well look at the divorced people around you, and you will find that many people have been alone for many years after their divorce. These include three reasons: taking a child, he is unwilling to find someone who is mean to his children; he is unwilling to touch love again after being burned by marriage; the main reason is that it is difficult to meet the right person and have a heart-to-heart relationship again.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
