Good marriage / Two people practice together
text / Hailu
received a private message from a woman in the background (some information has been deleted):
After my husband cheated, I was very collapsed, and I forced my husband to separate from the woman immediately.
My husband and mistress broke up, but the mistress kept pestering my husband. He called him and sent text messages every day. I asked my husband to block her, but my husband said that he wanted me to give him some time. The mistress was extremely ineffective in doing things and threatened to make trouble at his unit. He was also worried.
I am very angry. How come I can’t break it if I want to break it? I think he is still in love with the mistress! Not long ago, I found out that he went out to see the mistress secretly again. I was so anxious that I fell ill all of a sudden...
Teacher, I beat, scolded, and cried. I don’t know what to do now so that I can break them and let my husband completely return to what he used to be?
When I saw this lady’s letter, I really felt sorry for her. I did nothing wrong, but I was mixed up by my husband and mistress and fell ill due to anger. It was really not worth it.
Faced with the "integrity" between the man and the mistress, she would not help but wonder if her husband was "unfinished" to the other party. torture herself every day, and she didn't know what to do to completely break the man and the mistress.
This article today will help her, and friends who have similar experiences will sort it out to help everyone grasp the key to breaking the deadlock. Is the third party that cannot be eliminated by
01
really a "remaining love"?
Many times, after a man cheats, he still has a relationship with a third party. Many women will attribute it to "the love is not over." In fact, it is not entirely true. There are many reasons why he cannot be broken. Today we will analyze it for you.
first cannot face the "bad self".
people care about their face very much and hope that they are a good person with "feelings and righteousness".
When he cheated, he must have said a lot of such words to the third party, such as: " My wife doesn't understand me and doesn't care about me. I often feel lonely in marriage. After being with you, I feel that I have come back to life again. You are the light given by God and illuminated my life again..."
Then now he needs to break from the third party, and he will definitely face the question of the mistress: "Didn't you say you don't love your wife? You don't Do you mean you love me very much? "
If you want the mistress to give up completely, he must completely deny his feelings for the mistress and say, " I must be separated from you now. I have no feelings for you anymore. This matter was wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't have started. I hurt you and hurt my wife..."
This matter is of course difficult to accomplish, which means that he wants to deny this relationship and deny his former self.
So, many times, the cheating party has not known how to deal with it for a long time. This is the reason. He is escaping from facing the "bad self."
Second Avoiding the fierce high conflict scene
Facing the cheating party's return to the family and cut off contact, some mistresses performed particularly fiercely.
For them, there is nothing to lose in life. What they can catch is the man in their hands. seems to be the last straw in their lives.
So after they are rejected, they will be very collapsed and even threaten men, such as: " If you want to abandon me, I will make trouble in your unit so that your leaders can see clearly what kind of person you are; or if you abandon me, I will shake our affairs to your colleagues and parents, so that you will not be able to raise your head for the rest of your life."
Many men are very afraid of this kind of attack and threat, and want to avoid this fierce high-conflict scene, so they use the word "drag" tactic. keeps dragging back, and it is only a day to drag it. is best to drag the mistress to fade away from their feelings for themselves, and they think things can be resolved peacefully.
After all, this is because they cannot bear their own responsibilities, so they want to solve the problem by escaping.
third It is undeniable that behind the delay in contact with the mistress, there are indeed many reasons for "remaining love".
, especially many men cheated on it, because of the double cheating of spirit + physical cheating , and established a long-term attachment with the mistress for 3 or 5 years. There are many sweet common memories between the two. Now he needs to cut it off with his own hands, and he will feel unbearable to take action.
At the same time, he is also unbearable to his wife. It is also the kindness and friendship that has been with him for many years. He cannot bear to run a family for many years, and he cannot bear to establish a reputation in front of his relatives and friends...
This situation is like " tofu fell into the pile of ashes, can't blow it, can't shoot ", and he himself doesn't know what to do.
He doesn't want to break it with his own hands. It's better if someone comes to face it for him and make this decision for him.
These three reasons seem to be different, but in fact they all point to the same problem behind them: Men are afraid to face themselves and are afraid to take responsibility . He wanted to return to his family, but was afraid of admitting that he had done something wrong. He wanted to continue to keep in touch with his mistress, but was afraid of losing his wife and children.
But he couldn't see that he had to make a decision, otherwise everyone would be hurt.
02
Grasp the two key points of conversation and shorten the men's choice period
When men are afraid of taking on their own responsibilities and cannot make decisions for a long time, what should women do?
If you are the wife of the person involved, you may think: "What else can you do? You have to push him to make a decision. Do you let him be separated from the mistress like this? Do you think I am air?"
But if you do this, you will often find that the more you push , the more he will hide from you, the more severe the tear you will feel in your relationship.
When you talk to a man every day, tell the man, "Hurry up and separate from that mistress." The man will feel very broken and always want to escape in front of you. Moreover, you basically have no room for conversation, and these will extend the time cost of his choice.
Because every time you talk to him, he has to spend at least 40% of his energy to resist the pressure you bring, and afterwards, he has to leave equal time to relieve and comfort himself. really makes choices and calm down to experience the process of being compressed.
His eyes only have "bad self, bad self", he wants to escape from such self.
In this case, he either extends the time he makes choices indefinitely, and can escape one day for one day, or makes a choice in a hurry, but he will feel that he is forced, not from his heart. Even if is cut off at the moment, it will be easy to be connected afterwards.
Then at this time, what should the original wife do to compress his decision period?
Today I will share with you two key points of the operation process:
first, exit the wife's position and establish an alliance.
At this stage, don’t regard yourself as his wife for the time being, even if it’s just a friend, because you will definitely be hurt as a wife, and you will be anxious and want to push him to make a decision quickly, but the further you push, the more you want, the less you want.
regards this relationship as a transitional friend relationship, and truly lets him make an appropriate choice, rather than a choice that is not about to settle down when he is in his heart.
For example, you can say this: "I know it is difficult for you to make a choice. I understand yours. You are a person who values feelings and don't want others to have other opinions on you because of this matter, so it is difficult for you to make a decision. Don't blame you.
But from my perspective, every day I wait for an extra day is a torment. I don’t know what will happen next. I just want to talk to you about how to do it. It is a suitable choice for our family, for you and me. Now I help you sort out your emotions with a friend. you can tell me honestly what you think and don’t have any worries. "
Second, present the modern price
Help him analyze the possible situations behind each choice, different feelings from everyone, and what benefits and costs he may face because of it, the focus here is "he will face", not others.
Wife can continue to say: "You can't give up the third party, nor can't give up the family, but do you feel the price you paid? In my aspect, I am a living person. I am easily emotionally broken and can't help but want to track your itinerary. We will quarrel, and you will also feel distrustful. Like a thief, I feel very suffocated. will also affect your career. You see, it is difficult for you to put all your energy into your work. If you look at it, your rising space will also be affected.
. In terms of children, I don’t want to use him to kidnap you, but this is an objective reality. Because of our tense relationship, the children in talk much less than before, and their grades are now falling out of the top 10. you want to return to your family, but the family has not improved. As for the third party, she lives like this, and you can’t bear to cut off contact with her, and she has not lived well because of this.
Today I won’t force you to make a choice, but I want to present all this to you. You really need to make a choice. I will respect you which side you choose, but I will give myself time in my heart. ”
This is a kind of soft pressure. While supporting his feelings, it is comfortable to make him feel, puts you in the position of the community and puts you in his shoes and considers and considers him.
Of course, this conversation process is very critical for many couples, and is basically a conversation that lays the direction of future relationships. Many operation details are very important, and it may not be solved by talking once, but talks in multiple times and in detail, and the effect will be better.
Some couples are talking and the person comes back and the relationship is straightened out. Some couples may quarrel again while talking and quarrel, and return to the problem of mistresses.
If you can't grasp this conversation well, you can send a private message to us to help you.
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