In the world of love, there is a common problem between men and women, that is, most men and women are particularly loving when they are in love, but after a long time of marriage, there will be more and more conflicts between men and women, and they often quarrel over trivial matters. Why is this?
This phenomenon that occurs between men and women seems very strange, but it is actually quite normal. In summary, it is just one sentence, and it has not been well done.
Generally speaking, the relationship between men and women can be divided into three periods:
The first period, the passionate love period. During the passionate love period, all kinds of interests of men and women are completely stimulated, so they will be full of curiosity and freshness towards each other, so they are particularly loving.
The second period, the recession period. After a period of time after a man and a woman enters the love period , it will take about two weeks to two months, and the relationship between men and women will usher in a period of recession. Because no matter how interested a person is in something, he will eventually lose interest.
The third period, the running-in period. During this period, men and women have been together for a long time, so they have a deeper understanding of each other. They not only know each other's strengths, but also know each other's weaknesses. How to make the other party accept their shortcomings and how to tolerate the other party’s shortcomings is what men and women should do during the running-in period.
Those couples who often quarrel over small things often do not do these three "run-in" during the running-in period.
The first running-in: the running-in of equal dialogue
Although we have always advocated equality for men and women , in many families, the status of men and women is not equal. In real families, the family status of men and women is often determined by the ability of men and women to make money.
In families where women have stronger ability to make money than men, women's family status will naturally be higher. But women usually do not directly order men to do something, but choose a path they want men to take for them, and they also call them "I'm all for your own good."
In families where men have a stronger ability to make money than women, men have a higher status, which is also the case for most families now. In such a family, women have no right to speak. Men must be whatever they say, and there is no room for women to resist.
There is one thing in common among the two families mentioned above, that is, the dialogue environment between husband and wife is not equal. The party with stronger ability to make money will have a higher family status and a stronger voice.
However, people will resist oppression. Couples who often conflict because of small things often have different conversations because their dialogue environment is not equal.
Once the party with a low family status says something against the party with a higher status, the party with a higher status will try hard to suppress the party with a lower status because they will not allow the other party to oppose themselves.
One of the couples requires the other party to listen to their own words unconditionally, while the other party wants freedom, and the conflict arises.
Therefore, the environment for equal dialogue between husband and wife is very important. If it is a dialogue based on inequality of status, it will not lead to a satisfactory result for both husband and wife.
The second running-in: the running-in of self-shortnesses
The ancients said: "A man is not a sage, who can do nothing without mistakes?"
Everyone has this or that kind of shortcomings, but when you are alone, people often don't discover and care about their own shortcomings. However, when couples get along together for a long time, they will inevitably discover the other party’s shortcomings, and these shortcomings often become the fuse of conflicts between couples.
Therefore, during the running-in period, both men and women should realize that their shortcomings may affect their relationship with each other. Therefore, try to discover the shortcomings that may cause trouble to the other party as much as possible and think about solutions.
In fact, it is not terrible to have shortcomings. As long as you can find a way to correct it, it doesn’t matter if you can’t change it. As long as you can find a way not to affect others.
The same is true when couples get along. They must be clear about their shortcomings and what troubles they may cause to each other. They must always remind themselves to pay attention to their shortcomings and must not cause troubles to their lovers.
The third running-in: the running-in of exchanging positions
In fact, in this world, there has never been a perfect person, let alone a perfect couple. All couples will have conflicts, but some couples can tolerate and understand each other, while others cannot.
There are actually conflicts between couples who seem particularly loving. The reason why they are so loving is just because they all know how to tolerate and understand each other.
How can couples be tolerant and understand each other? The answer is to exchange positions and think about the problem from the other party's perspective.
Because when people think about problems, they are mostly self-centered. When conflicts arise, they always think that they are right and the other party is wrong. This is a self-protection function of human beings, and there is nothing to criticize.
However, this kind of consideration of problems often blinds one's own eyes and makes one's own eyes unable to see the whole picture of the matter. Therefore, when a couple has conflicts with , only by looking at the problem from the other side’s standpoint can they think more about each other and encourage the couple to resolve the conflict.
Emotional message:
Sukhomlinsky once said this: "Real love not only requires love, but also requires insight into each other's inner world."
Yes, when couples get along, it is a particularly important thing to understand each other deeply, know what they like, hate, and really want.
Only by truly understanding each other can husband and wife truly achieve the state of being in which you have me, I have you, you come and go, I come and go.
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Author: Shan Mo Talks about Emotions
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The picture in the article is from the Internet
