28-year-old Bai Wei is tall and handsome. The image he shows in front of everyone is always so "perfect": he dresses cleanly and exquisitely, has a fresh and elegant demeanor, smooth skin, a healthy figure, and a hint of bookishness in his courage. It is obvious that a good man has regrets but suffers from "love phobia" - he is extremely disgusted with women, which leads to never having a relationship yet.
Bai Wei works in a large foreign company and has entered the management team at a young age. He is a standard gold-collar worker. Even in this unit, there are several girls who pursue him. One of them is very outstanding.Bai Wei admits that he is often attracted to her, but for some reason, he just cannot fall in love.
(a)
To solve this confusion, he found an emotional counselor.
For the first time, after a brief social contact, Bo Wei gained the favor of two young female assistants in the office, so that the two girls commented on him enthusiastically for a long time.
During the more than an hour of consultation, the consultant felt very confused because the handsome guy in front of him was not disgusted or afraid of women. On the contrary, he was very good at secretly seizing women's favor. This relaxed and relaxed, like a veteran in love, and was as easy as a love veteran.
During the entire consultation process, Bai Wei seemed not willing to talk about his "problem", but spent a lot of time telling the brilliant achievements he had made at all stages of his life. Finally, Bai Wei ended the consultation unilaterally. He said, "I feel that I should not be able to fall in love, but I 'don't want to' fall in love!"
(II)
Shortly after I returned, Bai Wei established a romantic relationship with Xiao Ai, and he was very satisfied with her in all aspects, but the progress of the relationship was a bit bumpy.
seems hard to say. Bai Wei and Xiao Ai soon entered the honeymoon period, and naturally they had a bedtime joy. But after a few times of intimacy, Bai Wei found that something was wrong with him, as if the beast in his instinct was awakened - the more obsessed with his girlfriend, the more he wanted to abuse her.
In order to control his impulses and not to hurt his girlfriend, he had to quietly buy some A-films and solve them by himself. But in this way, he gradually lost his sexual desire for his girlfriend, which led to his strong concern about his "sexual incompetence", so he relied more on those perverted A-films to prove his sexual ability. In the end, this vicious cycle, he actually completely lost his sexual desire to his girlfriend. After this situation lasted several times, Bai Wei sensitively discovered that Xiao Ai began to get tired of him.
Last week, Bai Wei and Xiao Ai went to the cinema to watch a movie together. The scene of the heroine betraying the hero on the screen appeared on the screen, and then the hero and the heroine were fighting and biting, until the hero fought against the heroine...Watching the heroine's abuse, Bai Wei suddenly felt a wave of heat all over his body. I don't know if it was anger or excitement, but he felt two impulses strongly intertwined: one was the impulse to simply strangle the woman; the other was the impulse to "do it" on the spot. In order to avenge and redeem the humiliated dignity of a man, he hated that he actually wanted her, and he hated that he actually could make him have such desire for her! These two impulses linger like two poisonous snakes...
Bowei's fear was reawakened. He was very worried that he would lose this girlfriend he had finally found at any time, so he made up his mind to conduct psychological counseling again, hoping that the counselor could turn the tide and help him truly get out of the predicament.
After a thousand twists and turns, Bai Wei finally opened the door of his heart that had been closed for a long time. It turned out that the plot in the movie was simply a realistic replica of Bai Wei's first love...
"Teacher, I have never told anyone this great shame and humiliation. Please make sure to keep it a secret for me!" Bai Wei reminded him repeatedly.
But is the problem really just a failed first love experience? Why is Bo Wei so persistently reluctant to put this relationship in his rightful position? Why is he unwilling to let go of a way for new love?
After several sincere communications, the answers came to the surface bit by bit.
(III)
Bai Wei was born in a well-off family. Because he was the only son in the family, he was naturally favored by his parents and was always spoiled and raised. Unfortunately, when he was 7 years old, his father died of an accident, and his mother was heartbroken and almost collapsed. The trauma of losing his father in childhood was too late to be dealt with, so Bai Wei was forced to grow up quickly, and he could take over his father's position. He had to learn to take care of his mother.
From then on, he no longer allowed the child part of himself to exist. The 7-year-old, sad, fearless, helpless little boy was like a poor frightened bird, and had no sense of security for anyone or anything. He always felt that everything that originally belonged to him would be lost at any time... And the fragile part of this 7-year-old boy was deeply wrapped in the deepest part of his heart, replaced by an inflatable giant. The giant's spell was: "I can do it!" (So, he worked harder in his studies, and he also worked harder in the workplace as an adult. The rewards he received made him feel that the giant in his heart was "omnipotent".)
When he was in junior high school, he once went to the bathroom, and several urinating boys pointed at his genitals and ridiculed it for being too small because he developed later than other boys... This time, the puberty trauma related to sex invisibly deepened Bo Wei's sense of "inferiority".
Bai Wei and his girlfriend's difficulties in sexual relationships are to a certain extent the result of the trauma of first love: after learning that he was betrayed and fooled by his first love girlfriend, he felt strong anger and humiliated in his heart, and at the same time he was mixed with his sexual desire for his girlfriend, wanting to vent all of her. Therefore, "the more obsessed with his girlfriend, the more he wants to abuse her." This is a replay of his inner feelings when facing his first love girlfriend.
However, Xiao Ai in front of him is a pure goddess after all. In order not to confuse her with her slutty ex-girlfriend, Bai Wei's subconscious needs to work hard to keep him in a completely opposite attitude towards her. Therefore, when he found that his sexual desire was bound to his aggressiveness and the desire to humiliate women, in order to protect Xiao Ai, Bai Wei's subconscious simply isolated and suppressed his sexual desire for her. This is how things worsened.
(IV)
There is another hidden reason. For many years, Bai Wei and his mother depended on each other. The mother suffered hardships for the children and never remarried. In recent years, Bai Wei has been playing the role of his father in his subconscious - this role. He has been in office since he lost his father at the age of 7. At that time, he vowed to replace his father when he grew up to protect his mother and make his mother happy. But when he really grew up, he wanted to abandon his mother for another woman. This was a guilt that he had nowhere to escape, although his mother had no desires!
makes the character of father in my heart step down, which means betrayal of his mother. Understanding this, Bai Wei was truly in silence, but this silence was constructive, and growth would happen in this constructive silence...
Later, Bai Wei said that he had a dream: his mother was crying, and in her heart, there was a bitter, salty, bitter and salty sea water. My father was still the same as before. He held his mother's hand, with deep guilt and reluctance, and said, "Death has made me abandon you for a while. No matter what, I can't abandon you again. I will be with you forever and not let anyone and anything separate us!"
Mother said, "You fool, don't you know? Even if death has never separated us, can't you see that you have lived in my heart every day for more than 20 years?"
Father suddenly became old and became as old as his mother. He was crying and could not speak anymore. He just hugged his mother tightly in his arms, and his mother smiled happily. The scene gradually narrows down and finally condenses into a photo and stores it in the computer.
In the dream, Bai Wei suddenly realized something. He took off his father's clothes, took off his father's role, bowed deeply to the father in the photo three times as he was, and said some whispers between father and son.
is written at the end:
1. The traumatic incident of first love that occurred in Bai Wei led to his subsequent sexual desire and attacking impulse to be tied together. Is this really the case with the causal relationship? Perhaps, the sexual inferiority complex and lack of confidence can only generate enough sexual energy by relying on the power of aggressiveness.
2. The "omnipotent" part of Bai Wei's heart actually has a fantasy element. Behind this is that he does not allow himself to be weak and force himself to be strong, which is also the source of many problems. In fact, true strength is not about being able to do everything and never making mistakes, but about being able to live a real life for the true self.
3. In real life, how many people struggled between love and hate, confidence and inferiority, and sexual confusion like Bo Wei, blindly driven by various forces in his heart, often hurt by those who let them down, and also hurt innocent others, just like tree stumps drifting with the flow in the dark flood, often hitting others and themselves. Until I see myself and see myself clearly, I will no longer follow the trend.
