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1Lu Xun " Only Collection of ": "The joys and sorrows of human beings are not connected, I just think they are noisy. "
People have had the experience of mistakenly thinking that joys and sorrows are connected. When there are too many things, they will not think so. The two hearts are separated by the flesh, and they are not the shadow of each other, so it is impossible to communicate with each other's joys and sorrows.
Many times, when you happen to laugh and cry together, you mistakenly think that it is a connection between joy and sorrow. In fact, it is not, it is just a subjective determination. In addition, people like to pretend, and sometimes they have a flood of empathy, which makes some people seem to cry and laugh with you, but in fact they are just acting.
looks at this issue from its own perspective, which is easier to understand. When others are happy or sad, will you definitely be happy or sad? Not necessarily? But sometimes, we mistakenly think that it will be too disappointing to not be with others, so we start acting. The true feelings performed are definitely not the true feelings, so there is no such thing as joy and joy.
After those who are interested find out this truth, they will no longer ask others to communicate with themselves. But those who are unintentional are not the case. They will never discover the truth and always ask others to communicate with themselves. If they ruin an interpersonal relationship, they will also think it is someone else's problem .
Just like some couples or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have conflicts, the biggest problem of the wrong party is to blame the other party for not communicating with them, but do not know that this is their own problem.
2Fengxia chose to agree decisively when she was threatened by her mother-in-law for divorce because she had enough of her mother-in-law's unreasonable requests. To use a vivid metaphor to interpret it, the mother-in-law slapped her twice in the face, turned her head and encountered something happy, and thought that her daughter-in-law should be happy with her and should forget all the things she beat her.
Not to mention that Fengxia can’t do it, even the mother-in-law who made such unreasonable requests cannot do it. No one will pretend to be okay and talk and laugh with others after being bullied .
However, the difference between her and her mother-in-law is that her mother-in-law bullies her, but no one bullies her mother-in-law. The two have different situations and are not comparable. My mother-in-law made such unreasonable demands to her, just because she spoke without any pain in her back.
is also her husband who is incompatible with her joys and sorrows. He is like the kind of colleagues who like to be mixed with each other in the workplace. When you are bullied by your boss, he not only does not sympathize with you, but also blames you for not knowing how to figure out the boss’s mind.
Not everyone is good at guessing other people’s thoughts, nor is everyone willing to think about other people’s thoughts. In this world, there is nothing more tiring about other people's thoughts.
Especially when you have not made any mistakes, there is no need to figure out anyone’s thoughts, but people are asked to figure out other people’s thoughts. Such a situation will make you feel anxious, whether in marriage or in the workplace.
3When someone criticizes you for not knowing how to figure out other people's thoughts, if a third person appears and asks that person whether he has figured out your thoughts while preaching, such a person will shut up obediently. It is obvious that all the preachers have no empathy because they do not understand the other person's thoughts when preaching to someone.
No one knows how to figure out other people’s thoughts, but he is shameless and blames others for being ignorant. It is not difficult to find out who is the stupidest person .
This is the basis for Fengxia to evaluate her husband's dislike her: "If he really likes me, he will definitely figure out my thoughts while trying to figure out my thoughts. If he can do this, he will find that compared to my mother-in-law, mother-in-law is the most ignorant woman."
He doesn't care about Fengxia's feelings, and his mother-in-law doesn't care about Fengxia's feelings. For her, an isolated person, there are only three ways to go: either compromise, struggle, or resist .
The first two paths will hurt to the end, and there is only the third routine, which is that long pain is worse than short pain .
The mother-in-law was sure that she didn't dare to divorce, so she threatened her for divorce. She did the opposite and allowed the unprepared mother-in-law to taste the most ruthless revenge. When her mother-in-law scared her like a shrew, she felt relieved. She was bullied for so long and finally won a game back.
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Although Fengxia and her mother-in-law's joys and sorrows are not the same, she can feel her mother-in-law's feelings. When her mother-in-law was making trouble, she knew that her mother-in-law was making trouble; when her mother-in-law tasted revenge and was hysterical, she could feel how collapsed her mother-in-law was.
At the same time, she could feel more that all the tragedies that belong to her mother-in-law were the ones who suffered by her own actions.
For her, she had to take revenge on her mother-in-law by decisive divorce. In contrast, the mother-in-law forced her to embark on the road to divorce was not the only choice.
The joys and sorrows between people are not the most important thing. The most important thing is whether each other knows how to consider issues from the other’s standpoint. If only one of them empathizes with and the other party is restless, their relationship will sooner or later die from ill-fated .
This is true between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and even more so between husband and wife. When you need the other person to care about your feelings the most, he will not let you do it and torture you in the most disgusting way. This is the most obvious evidence that the other person does not like you.
5The right and wrong in marriage is always obvious when the problem first appears. But over time, the boundaries of right and wrong will become blurred so that you no longer think the other person's mistakes can affect you.
This is a way of putting the problem behind the problem, and it is also a logic to open up the pattern and a manifestation of long-term vision.
People who are in marriage, crazy about love and those who seek death for conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot avoid the four words "care will cause chaos". It is precisely because you value marriage too seriously and you have clear desires for marriage that you will go crazy when you don’t want it.
We must learn to look at life in a different way. When the things you value most cannot be done, it means that you should not take that matter too seriously at the moment, otherwise it will become a rope to tie you up. If you want to escape, you always dare not.
Only when you weaken the proportion of the things that torture you in your heart, you won’t have so many concerns when you are ready to give up. A person who gives up his wrong marriage should be like giving up his job he doesn't want to do. From the moment he decides to resign, he no longer cares about the right and wrong of the usual things. He just needs to do the final work well. .
