Some people say that the farthest distance in the world is not the world, but the hearts of people. The bottom line of love is to know how to restrain; the bottom line of friendship is to distinguish each other; and the bottom line of family affection is to keep a distance.
The vast universe, being able to enter one door and become a family is fate. This kind of fate is not an over-requesting capital, but a reason to cherish each other.
The family members perform their duties, just like a window of a home. If you stick to this, there will be a breeze and sunshine coming in to dispel the haze in the home, otherwise it will only become a mess when you get mixed up.
01 Scratched between several women, in a dilemma,
Event Review: In the picture, the man pushing a bicycle is Cao Liguo (pseudonym), and the two quarrels next to him are his wife and sister. Seeing them quarrel endlessly, Cao Liguo lowered his head and said nothing.
Regarding the reasons for the quarrel with her elder sister-in-law, Cao Liguo's wife Peng Ying (pseudonym) said that she and her husband have been married for 11 years, but she has not lived with her for more than half of the time. Especially in the past five or six years, her husband has lived with her sister most of the time and rarely goes home. She herself lives alone with her 5-year-old daughter, and her husband rarely asks them.
Peng Ying said that her husband's indifference towards the mother and daughter is not only reflected in his slight concern for them. Some time ago, she took her daughter to her husband's side. On the way, her daughter said she was hungry and wanted to eat a bun, but her husband couldn't bear to buy it with money. It is said that men's love is either willing to spend time with them or willing to spend money to pay for the bill. Cao Liguo's attitude of neither spending time nor paying money made Peng Ying's heart cold.
Peng Ying and her husband are reorganized. Although she was in her 30s when they got married, in order to strengthen their relationship, she still risked and suffered from an elderly mother and finally gave birth to a daughter through IVF. She thought that the crystallization of love would make the life of the family of three sweeter, but what Peng Ying did not expect was that since the birth of her daughter, their relationship gradually became distant. Her husband changed from occasionally not to home at the beginning to finally living back to her parents-in-law's house.
. The reason why my husband became like this is that in Peng Ying's opinion, his transformation is inseparable from the interference of his elder sister-in-law. Peng Ying said that my elder sister-in-law likes to interfere in their lives everywhere and likes to sow discord. Every time a little conflict between a husband and wife is infinitely amplified under the influence of her elder sister-in-law, which eventually leads to a big quarrel. Now that my husband is brainwashed by my elder sister-in-law, he has no choice but to listen to him at all. All the affairs at home are decided by my elder sister-in-law, and the husband doesn’t even give him a salary card.
Peng Ying said that her daughter was about to go to elementary school, and facing such a man who was both disregarding his family and did not pay for his family, it would be better to get a divorce directly.
Faced with his wife's accusations, Cao Liguo explained that he lived with his parents because of his physical reasons. In addition, he had developed some bad habits before and owed some debts outside. In order to reduce the conflict between husband and wife, he did not go back. At the same time, Cao Liguo also said that his wife only knew how to ask for money over the years, and she even threatened that as long as the money was in place, people would not go home, so he went back less and less.
When talking about the conflict between my sister and my wife, Cao Liguo said that my sister and my wife are both good, but because they have different personalities, they always have constant conflicts. They are particularly embarrassed when they are stuck in the middle, and the relationship between husband and wife is indeed affected. As for her elder sister-in-law, Peng Ying said that her elder sister-in-law is quite generous, so she is well-reviewed by outsiders, but her temper is too harsh and she can't stand it.
02 A family without a sense of boundaries is destined to be a disaster
Seeing that his sister-in-law pointed all the finger at him, Cao Liguo's sister Cao Caijing (pseudonym) immediately became impatient. She said that she was not interested in her younger brother's housework at all, and even said to her younger brother directly: "If you have a divorce, just make a divorce. Don't involve me. I have nothing to do with you."
Cao Caijing said that her father died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage in his 50s. Before leaving, he repeatedly told her to take care of her only younger brother, so she has always taken good care of her younger brother. When the younger brother and Peng Ying were in love, the two had not gotten married yet, so Peng Ying moved into her own house. She was lazy and waited for her mother to serve her. At that time, she was not optimistic about this prospective sister-in-law, but her younger brother had to marry her.
After getting married, in order not to let the two of them stay with their mothers all day long, Cao Caijing invested in helping her younger brother buy a new house. She thought they would be fine if they moved out, but unexpectedly, her younger brother moved home not long after. In order to let her younger brother return to his own home, she did not Don't bother. Not only did she throw away her brother's clothes, but she also unloaded the bed where he sleeps. But her brother just kept lingering.
Cao Caijing said that because she had no children, she has always paid and worked hard for her brother's family. When her younger brother owed usury, in order to fill the hole, she did not hesitate to sell her house to help her brother pay off her debts. When her sister-in-law didn't want to have children, she even took them to seek medical treatment. Later, not only did she pay for the test tube, but she also had to bear all the expenses after the birth of the child. Her sister-in-law had never worked since she got married and had always relied on her to support her. Because she took care of her parents' family too much, Cao Caijing's husband divorced her. Thinking of how much she paid, but her sister-in-law kept blaming herself, Cao Caijing felt worthless for herself.
Cao Liguo's mother said that Peng Ying had never gone out to make money since she stepped into their house. Her son's salary card was kept by her and she could only receive a few hundred yuan in living expenses every month. Her daughter paid for her son's small family. In vitro fertilization itself spent a lot of money at home. After the child was born, the son even relied on his child as a hero to make the family uneasy.
Seeing the three women closest to him criticized each other, Cao Liguo fell silent again. He didn't know how to make a decision. According to his previous habits, he usually solicited opinions from his sister, but this time Cao Caijing also made a clear statement that she would not care about everything about her younger brother in the future. Seeing her silent husband, Peng Ying made a clear statement and asked to divorce Cao Liguo and he would pay the child support.
After hearing Peng Ying's request, the mediator had to remind her that Cao Liguo had a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan. Even if she paid the child support based on 30% of her income after the divorce, she and her children could only get less than 1,000 yuan per month. This was not a wise decision for Peng Ying, who had no job.
After listening to the mediator's analysis, Peng Ying seemed to realize that she was actually inseparable from her husband, so she expressed her hope that her husband could make his own decisions in the future, and then the couple reconciled again.
03 Emotional Analysis
People like Cao Liguo and Peng Ying who have a serious sense of responsibility, a simple mind, and an immature mind are called giant babies in psychology. The general characteristic is that 's physiological age meets the adult standards, but the mental maturity remains at the infant level, which is an adult baby.
So how did the giant baby personality be formed? In fact, it mainly comes from two aspects: , one is , family education, and the other is the social environment.
For Cao Liguo, he doesn't have to make decisions on everything himself. Anyway, if he gets into trouble, his sister will help him to help him. For Peng Ying, she not only doesn't do housework, but also doesn't go out to work. When she is short of money, she asks her husband for it. It's hard for two people to have a sense of responsibility.
Peng Ying was enjoying the comfortable life that his elder sister-in-law gave him without any effort, while also blaming all the misfortunes of his marriage on his elder sister-in-law. He is really a typical ungrateful wolf.
In order to help her younger brother's family, the eldest sister-in-law not only complained, but also lost her marriage and sold her house. Is she unjust? In fact, all this was all her own fault. The more she cared about this unsatisfactory younger brother, the less he was, the less he was, the more worried she was. Over time, a vicious circle formed.
In fact, in a relationship, the person who is often "cared for" will inevitably form a dependent idea. Anyway, someone sheltered him from the wind and rain and solved all the troubles for him, so growth was actually meaningless to him. So when Cao Liguo felt unhappy with his wife alone, he chose to move back directly with his mother and sister, because he knew that as long as he hid there, someone would definitely support him. Children who grew up in this environment have always been blocked by their relatives, and their judgment and tolerance are very weak.
At the time of the giant baby's growth, almost without exception, there is a relative who is strong and loves him very much. He cares about him and protects him all day long and does not let him make any decisions. So attention becomes control and love becomes hurt.
Most of the family relationships with extremely weak boundary sense have serious problems. The best way to get along with people is that I only wish you blessings and not disturb your life; I only respect your decisions and do not force it.
Today’s topic discussion: Do you think the elder sister-in-law’s efforts are worth it?
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