A few days ago, a student shared his story with me. She and the man were introduced by her family and got married not long after. She thought that the two of them were quite suitable, and that their relationship could be cultivated after marriage.
Unexpectedly, after marriage, the nature of a man's romantic nature gradually exposed, but the students quit their jobs because they took care of their children and had no income, so they had to endure it.
At first, she attributed the reason for the man's betrayal to the fact that the two people had a bad relationship, so she tried her best to be nice to the man, but her self-sacrifice ultimately resulted in the man's determination to divorce .
students began to realize that it was useless to just compromise, so they put all their energy on themselves, re-enter the workplace, and learn knowledge to enrich themselves. Seeing the students after the change, the men took the initiative to return to their families.
Women who follow themselves are charming, so how should we improve ourselves and grow ourselves in marriage?
1. Emotional independence in intimate relationships
We often say that women should be independent in marriage, not only economic independence, but also emotional independence. So what is emotional independence?
We can realize: "A partner is not the whole of your life, nor is it the only source of your happiness. Meeting all your expectations is not the partner's responsibility."
For example, when a child wants toys on the shelves but his parents are unwilling to buy them, how do children do it? "Cry, make a fuss, and hang yourself." "Take a spoiled person, complain, and lose your temper."
But many people still use the way they were in close relationships to deal with emotional problems in their childhood, and leave the feelings, security, needs, etc. they need to achieve by their partners. This is obviously a problem.
True emotional independence is to be "pleasing yourself", which is what we often call "self-love", paying attention to your own needs, and having the ability to meet your own needs.
For example, on the anniversary, a man was busy with work and did not buy you a gift, you were very angry and accused the man of not caring about you and not caring about you. This is obviously not "pleasing yourself".
Because of paying attention to yourself, those who love themselves will understand that it is understandable that men cannot meet their needs because they are busy with work, and they can satisfy themselves through other methods.
For example, if you choose a gift for yourself, you can concentrate on watching a movie with your time, instead of focusing all your energy on complaining and blaming men.
2. Emotional control and communication
Of course, growth does not mean that improving oneself is enough, and the relationship between two people is also particularly important .
For example, two people had a dispute over where to play. At this time, you need to have the ability to control your emotions, be able to accurately and promptly aware of and handle your negative emotions, and do not say things that hurt the other person when you are emotionally, or treat the other person as a garbage can for your bad emotions.
The most important thing in stabilizing emotions is communication. Based on the thinking differences between men and women, it is difficult for each other to fully understand each other. At this time, we need to understand the other party and communicate in a way that the other party can accept, rather than say whatever we want. This is often an invalid expression.
We often say that communication has skills that need to be learned. There are many tips for couples in my courses, and students who need it will check it out by themselves.
Love is a ability that can be learned. Having the ability to love can allow us to express ourselves better, and giving love can bring love.
Love your own lover first. Health, independence, and love life are also the reasons why women are fascinated by .
