text | Wang Xiaoer
edit | Wang Xiaoer
chatted with a friend who will retire next year. At first it was about his child's work, but somehow the topic was between brothers and sisters.
He asked a question: After the parents left, the brothers and sisters separated, and basically there was little contact with each other is true?
chatted briefly about this question, but after the conversation, I thought a lot.
Family obligations and family affection
Some people say that parents are still there, and the gathering of brothers and sisters is an obligation.
After the parents left, the gathering between them became friendship, and some benefits will be mixed with over time.
has no big reason to tell, I just want to tell a story.
My master's tutor is a very powerful person in the industry. In the past few years, every year, we all went to Wuhan to visit her birthday. In recent years, due to the epidemic and other reasons, she strongly refused our visit.
When I was in school, because I was from the north, I would basically ask a few of us to make dumplings at home on weekends. In addition to the kindness of my academic guidance, this is also the warmth we always miss.
She has four siblings, and she is the eldest daughter.
When she was a child, she had been stepping on the bench to help her cook at home and changing diapers for her younger brother and sister.
All parents can tell her is one sentence: You are the boss of the family and you have to take care of someone younger than you.
In 1977, the country restarted the college entrance examination that had been stagnant for 11 years.
Resuming the college entrance examination
That year, 5.7 million candidates across the country took the college entrance examination and admitted 273,000 freshmen, and she became an admitted member.
The following year, her mother died of illness.
College Entrance Examination
She has been engaged in the education industry. When her younger brothers and sisters grew up, they ran to all over the world, and she stayed with her father.
On holidays, the younger brothers and sisters who were not around returned to their hometown in a roar. In addition to gifts and generous red envelopes, they gave their fathers, which were all filial piety.
The older my father is, the more busy she will have every day. Teaching, hospitalization visits, and daily care were all things she took for granted.
In 2019, the epidemic broke out in Wuhan.
The community where my father lives is facing control, and the younger brothers and sisters scolded her in the group and blamed her for her inadequate consideration.
The husband and children also complained: they only give money and don’t care about anything, and anyone can talk, but she didn’t explain.
Over the years, she has been able to maintain a balance between decent and family to the best of her ability.
Family gathering, she is busy in the kitchen, and she is also the learning problems of younger brothers and sisters.
In the family group, she is the one who takes the initiative to talk, and she is the one who sends red envelopes during holidays.
Last year, her father passed away at the age of 86.
After a tomb sweeping on Qingming Festival, she posted a message on Moments:
I had a dream, dreaming that I became a wild goose, leading my younger brother and sister to fly.
Sometimes it is lined up into the character "people" and sometimes it is lined up into the character "one", traveling through countless mountains and rivers.
When the wind came, it looked at the rivers and buildings on the earth, and possessed it and rushed down.
It flew away from the large army and flew alone, while the rest of the geese were still heading towards their destination.
The moment when he leaned over and rushed down, the eyes of the goose were filled with tears.
I just replied to a message among the many likes: Hello, teacher, take care of your health.
Liu Xinwu wrote in "The Yellow Leaf Tree in the Wind": In adversity, family affection and friendship are certainly important emotional support, and the most important thing is your love for yourself.
The last time is the comfort of family affection
brothers and sisters
This is a story about a friend in Beijing.
His family is very poor. Since he can remember, relatives from all walks of life have basically no contact.
He thought that the so-called relative was like this.
In the last time of my mother, many things changed his mind.
His grandparents passed away earlier, and his father had five siblings, and they were full of conflicts and quarrels.
When his mother was sick, even the younger sister-in-law's family, who had been breaking off diplomatic relations for nearly 20 years, was busy.
The old man on his mother also passed away early.
The mother's brothers and sisters cut off contact.
It was not until six or seven years ago that his uncle and aunts were connected again with his cousin's help.
In his mother's last days, they often come to visit with their children.
All these gave his mother a lot of comfort.
Lu Yao In "Ordinary World" said:
people live, how important is this kind of relationship between relatives. Even if a person's life is full of ups and downs, as long as such feelings exist, he will feel a warm comfort. If we had no such feelings, how sad it would be to live in this world.
is not the same place, it is a period of time
time
Some are indeed as the problem says, if the parents are gone, the relationship is far away.
At the beginning, it was the brothers and sisters holding hands with each other.
As each of them set up their own families, more hands need to be held.
identity is constantly being changed.
used to be the children of parents. After getting married, they had a new identity, being a wife, a husband, and a mother and a father. The more
identities are superimposed, the farther the relationship will be, and the distance between each other's spaces may be like this.
If there are some conflicts between them, parents can still adjust when they are there, and they may be magnified later. After all, no one will let themselves be wronged for the rest of their lives.
When my parents were there, everyone greeted me as "I'm back"; when my parents were away, they went to each other's houses, and they greeted me as "You're here".
One is to go home and the other is to be a guest.
This is the difference.
If you feel that your parents are gone, the family will be disbanded. Maybe it is because you no longer care about it, or you have never been cared about by anyone. I have no answer to this question
.
just feel that home is not a place, but a period of time.
people always have the desire to leave home, which is understandable.
Lawrence said in "Mrs. Chatterley's Lover": How do you say
? If you want to go home, you are all there. There are quarrels and troubles, but you are also a family. Unlike now, there is only one person who comes home almost every day, free and cold.
When parents are there, they are "home". When parents are away, their relatives are "home".
This is not a matter of one person, but a matter of a group of people.
I just want to say that each of us must have a "home".
After all, when you go out, in addition to flowers, there will be mud, thorns, rugged roads and dogs in the corners of the walls.
