I don’t know when it started, but almost all people in the whole society began to feel insecure, so people began to pursue a sense of security in a fanatical way. But when we really chase it, we realize that no matter how hard we try, the sense of security is still so far away from us, and even makes us feel that we will never feel touched.
Why are modern people generally lacking a sense of security? Because we live too tiring, there are too many things to worry about: work, marriage, children, environmental pollution, food safety...
We have all imagined the happiness of marriage, but after marriage, not many people can live a happy life like a "prince and princess". Too many families are filled with insecurity, and they are suspicious, tempted, jealous, and quarreled. The more they want to give themselves a sense of security, the further they will push the other party.
People with lonely hearts often have no sense of security. A lonely person cannot establish emotional connection with others and cannot find a sense of belonging anywhere; when others laugh and play, you feel abandoned - you are clearly living in this world, but always away from the crowd. How can you have a sense of security like this?
Everyone in the workplace may lose their sense of security. You are worried that your performance will not meet standards today, you are worried that your leader will have opinions about you tomorrow, and you are worried that you will have omissions in your work day after tomorrow. Where is our sense of security in the workplace?
We can’t help but ask, what is the security feeling?
Is it a man who always cares about us, loves us, and will never leave? Is
a house that belongs only to us? Does
have a lot of money?
is not actually.
When we place a sense of security on things outside of our body, we sometimes feel satisfied and get a sense of security. In fact, these are temporary sense of security, and will slowly fall into a more uneasy mentality of fear and loss. This temporary joy and subsequent disappointment will become a weapon to torture us repeatedly.
So, what exactly is a sense of security? How should we fully understand the sense of security?
sense of security is defined in Baidu encyclopedia: 's premonition of possible physical or psychological dangers or risks, as well as an individual's sense of strength or powerlessness when dealing with things, which are mainly manifested as a sense of certainty and controllability.
and Maslow points out: People have physiological needs such as eating and drinking water. When most of these needs are met, the second level of safety needs will appear. People will seek a relatively stable and safe environment, and the need for love and belonging, respect and self-realization are followed.
Maslow believes that psychological security is a feeling of confidence, security and freedom that is separated from fear and anxiety, especially the feeling of satisfying a person's various needs now and in the future.
, and Maslow also compiled the "Sense of Security-Insecurity Questionnaire" based on his own clinical practice.
Now let’s interpret the sense of security.
First of all, it is important to note that sense of security is not something we can really touch, but is a feeling and psychology . For example, in marriage and love, it is a psychological feeling that one party gives to the other party. The excellence that one party shows in front of the other is in line with his psychology. Then he will feel at ease, comfort, dependence, and trust, and will show it from his own words and behaviors.
Secondly, it is determined by the safety of whether it can be generated in many ways, and a very important point is to make the other party believe in you. This is difficult to achieve, but only when others believe in you can you bring others a sense of security, otherwise there is no way to talk about security, so trust is an important factor in a sense of security.
From a psychology perspective, a person must believe in others. This is a psychological process, and every step of this psychological process is very important. This is a process from recognition to understanding, from understanding to identification, from identification to trust, and also considering the influence of other external factors.
Finally, there is material satisfaction.Material does not mean a sense of security. Sometimes too much material enjoyment will make people feel anxious, but a sense of security at the material level is also very necessary, because a person is the least secure when he cannot guarantee materially. Only when material needs are met can we pay attention to spiritual feelings, so material is the basis of a sense of security.
This is what we want to say. The expression of 's sense of security mainly includes two aspects: one is spiritual and the other is material.
From a spiritual perspective, people want to get a sense of spiritual security, but this is very difficult. When a person cannot get a sense of mental security, then this person will pay more attention to material things. This is a compensatory psychology. This is what some "material girls" in society are like now.
From a material perspective, when people cannot pursue a sense of spiritual security, material security is the most basic guarantee, and when material security is still unable to satisfy, the person will completely lose his sense of security.
Some people will eventually find new substitutes to satisfy their lack of security. Many times, these substitutes may be unhealthy and the sense of security it brings is also unstable, such as alcoholism, drug use, etc.
In fact, everyone hopes that they can get a dual sense of security materially and spiritually. One of the paths is marriage. Marriage is a very stable factor in determining the relationship between two people. Because it has the blessings of relatives and friends and legal protection, many people will use marriage to enhance their sense of security. This is also the reason why many people think that they have a sense of security after getting married.
We do not deny that marriage can indeed bring psychological comfort to a person, and many times marriage can indeed bring people a huge sense of security. But it should be clear that marriage does not necessarily mean security, because marriage is only a form, not an absolute guarantee.
Overall, sense of security is a psychological feeling that people generally pursue in modern society . There are many factors that can bring a sense of security and affect a sense of security in the current society, but it is not easy to get a true sense of security.
What kind of psychological manifestations do such a person with a sense of security and insecure have?
Maslow's research shows that
People who lack a sense of security often have this feeling: they are rejected, not accepted, think that they are neglected, hated, and discriminated against;
often feel lonely, forgotten, and abandoned;
often feels dangerous and anxious; and they think that others are bad, evil, selfish, and dangerous, so they have distrust, jealous, hatred, and hostile mentality towards others. They will have pathological self-blame, and then develop a sense of guilt and shyness. The reason for everything is that they lack a sense of security.
In short, an insecure person shows negative emotions, and these negative emotions not only affect themselves, but also the people and environment around him.
People who feel insecure are mainly divided into these categories, let’s take a look at them separately.
first category, avoiding social groups.
Many people will show anxiety in the process of interacting with others. The reason for their anxiety is that on the one hand, they desire to establish an intimate relationship with others, but they are worried that they will be despised if they perform poorly in social interactions. This contradictory emotion keeps their anxiety level rising.
The direct consequence of social anxiety is to avoid social interaction and avoid establishing intimate relationships with others.
People like this generally have the following characteristics: they are too sensitive and show strong depressive emotions; they are prone to misreading other people's language or non-verbal information; they are prone to self-aggressive emotions, etc. Therefore, they are prone to a strong lack of security because they are afraid of the crowd and cannot truly avoid the crowd.
Category 2, people who are not close to their relatives.
Relatives are a group of people who have natural intimate relationships with us. From our loved ones, we can get a lot of support and strength.But this is not the case. In life, many people often have no close relationships with their relatives, and this type of people is easily invaded by insecurity. This is the reason why
occurs is due to these reasons.
is first of all the influence of culture. Chinese traditional culture emphasizes implicit expression, and cannot be too close to relatives. What should be given to elders is respect;
is secondly the problem of communication mode. Under the influence of traditional culture, many families have problems in communication - there is a lack of equal communication between elders and children, and more of imperative communication and rough intervention;
is finally awe of elders. This awe keeps us away from them and is unwilling to establish a more intimate connection with them.
The third category is fearful of the opposite sex.
Do you know there is a mental illness called "homophobia"? Although it sounds a bit incredible, there are really many people in life who are troubled by the opposite sex phobia.
Some people like this have great resistance to the opposite sex, while others dare not deal with the opposite sex and avoid contact with the opposite sex. But a small family of a man and a woman is the basic component of society, which is a fact that they cannot deny.
So, their avoidance and fear can only fill their hearts with anxiety and insecurity.
So, how should people in the above categories adjust?
For the first type:
learn to express. When we think we are hurt, don’t act evasively immediately and keep ourselves away from the crowd. This will only make others think that we are inexplicable.
The best way to do it is to express your own opinions so that others will understand your feelings, and many times misunderstandings can be eliminated through communication.
learn to suggest yourself. In our lives, what many people say is often not intentionally hurting us. So when we interpret hostility sensitively, we can hint that we are: others don’t mean this, or they are just kidding us because we have a close relationship.
. For the second category:
If it is indeed a lack of security caused by the lack of intimacy with relatives, then it should be adjusted in time:
(1) Starting today, try to use more intimate language to talk to relatives, express your concern more in language, and you will find that relatives are willing to get close to you;
(2) Gradually bring closer relationships, go home more often, take relatives out for their walks, buy some small gifts for relatives on some festivals, and use body language to express your closeness, and slowly, the two parties can establish an intimate relationship.
How should
be adjusted for the third type of opposite-sex phobia?
(1) gradually deals with the opposite sex.
At the beginning, you can try to buy things in the mall, talk about products with salesmen of the opposite sex, or ask for directions from strangers to the opposite sex;
Next, you can try to actively discuss work with colleagues of the opposite sex who are half-familiar with the opposite sex. After practicing this time and time again, you will find that your unnatural speech to the opposite sex has improved a lot.
(2) Try to "homosex" the other party. What does
mean? It is to relax, focus on your contact purpose itself, and ignore the other person's gender.
The specific method is: before approaching the opposite sex, take a few deep breaths, relax your body and mind, and think of something pleasant in your mind. When chatting with the other person, tell yourself in your heart, "It's just like getting along with the same sex." Use this method to divert your inner tension and try to get in touch normally. After contact, you will find that the other person is really nothing scary.
When we make these changes, we may find that things we are particularly afraid of are not that scary. It is really a wonderful thing to be able to control our lives, and at the same time, the sense of security will come back to us.
or above is a manifestation of people with insecure sense.
And people with a sense of security will feel this way. They think they are liked and accepted by others, and they can also feel warm and passion from others;
They have a very sense of belonging, thinking that the world and life are comfortable, warm, friendly and kind;
So when they get along with others, they will feel trust, tolerant, friendly and enthusiastic;
They are firm, positive, and have good self-evaluation, etc.
In short, people with a sense of security often show positive emotions, and these positive emotions also affect the people and environment around them.
Through the above analysis, the sense of security and happiness are also closely linked. It is hard for us to imagine that a person who lacks a sense of security in life will feel comfortable and happy in life.
A sense of security can be said to be the first need in our psychological needs and the most basic component in our personality. If we want to solve this psychological need, we can only find it from ourselves.
Because only we can control our psychology, others can only exert influence, and a sense of security is our psychological problem. Only when we can understand the truth and reasons can we finally solve this problem. Others can do nothing about it.
So, you can only give yourself a sense of security, and you can't get it if others can't get it.
If a person wants to gain a sense of security, he must learn to control himself and use his courage and strength, so that his sense of security can return to us.
Friends who love reading can take a look at Lin Xiaosong's "Talking to the Uneasy Self".
