Zengzi said
"There are three levels of filial piety: first, respect for relatives, secondly, tolerance of humiliation, and third, support."
Zengzi believed that there are three levels of filial piety to parents. The highest level is that you have made extraordinary achievements so that your parents can also be respected by people. The second level is not wanting parents to be insulted. The lowest level is that your parents can get a sense of security and spend their old age smoothly. The last level is the responsibility of being a child, the obligation of the child. If children cannot even fulfill their obligation to support their parents, people will poke them in the back and scold them for being unfilial.
But in some cases, the reason why the elderly are unhappy in their later years is not necessarily because their children are unfilial, but it may also be because some of the elderly's behaviors have caused great trouble to their children, so that the children do not want to get close to them.
Don’t become three kinds of parents in your later years, so as not to drag down your children and make your own life miserable.
1. Living in a children's home and wanting to take control of the family;
"My mother has been home for the elderly for less than two months. I had three conflicts with my wife and almost drafted a divorce agreement . In desperation, I had to send my mother away Go back. Now, people in my hometown are pointing fingers at me, saying that I live in a big house in the city but refuse to take my mother to enjoy life. Do they know how bad my mother is? "
Mr. Fang? My mother is used to being frugal, and she feels distressed when she sees her daughter-in-law throwing away the leftovers. She didn't think it was a big deal to eat overnight food; when she saw her daughter-in-law unpacking the express delivery, she thought her daughter-in-law was a prodigal son. When my wife used a washing machine, she couldn't afford the electricity and water bills, so she washed it by hand.
Mr. Fang’s wife cannot accept her mother-in-law’s frugal way of spending money. She turned a blind eye to her mother-in-law's request and went her own way. Mr. Fang's mother couldn't bear it. In order to prevent her daughter-in-law from continuing to "squander the family", she cried and made trouble at home and asked her son and daughter-in-law to hand over their salary cards, which were kept by her.
"My mother asked my wife to hand over her salary card. How could my wife agree? They quarreled every day and would complain to me when it was over. I knew my mother ignored me and wanted to communicate with her, but she didn't listen to me. .”
In the end, Mr. Fang sent his mother back to his hometown and refused to let her enter their lives.
Many old people believe that if their daughter-in-law marries into their family, their people and money will belong to their son. They will feel uncomfortable seeing their daughter-in-law spending money. The old man wants to gain benefits for his son and favor his wife as much as possible by controlling the family's economic power. Some old people are used to housekeeping. Even when he arrived at his son's house, he was unwilling to give up his power and wanted the whole family to obey him.
In my son's house, there is only one female hostess, and that is my wife. Whether it is financial or life matters, it should be decided by the son and daughter-in-law, not by the parents, and not by infringing on the interests of the daughter-in-law.
Respect the status of your wife and the lifestyle of your children and their spouses. Otherwise it will be difficult for you to gain a foothold in your child's home.
2. It is too willful to regard children's kindness as malice;
"Some parents become old children when they get older. They have a bad temper and cannot listen to a word of advice. When I talk about him, he becomes unhappy."
Ms. Xu feels a headache when she mentions her father. Her father only did things for a short time and acted according to his own ideas, no matter how serious the consequences would be.
"When he went to the hospital for a physical examination, the doctor repeatedly asked him to quit smoking and control his drinking. In order to force him to quit smoking, I asked my mother to take care of the money and not buy cigarettes for him. He went directly to a small shop owner he knew well to get credit, and asked my mother to pay the bill. He hid cigarettes everywhere and burned many holes in the newly bought sofa at home. "
Besides drinking, the advice of the doctor and his daughter was just empty talk to Ms. Xu's father. Whenever he attended a party, he would get drunk. If you try to dissuade him, he will get angry with you and lose his temper.
Smelling the smell of cigarette smoke at home, looking at her father's physical examination report, listening to her mother's sighs and her father's curses, Ms. Xu felt extremely broken: "When he really breaks down, it will be too late to regret. I won't be the one who suffers." ? I have to serve him and treat him! "
Once a person's body collapses and he is troubled by illness, what a burden it is to the family? First, for patients, the pain caused by the disease is twofold, including psychological torture and physical torture. Once you lose your healthy body, you will not only be unable to move freely, but your diet will also be greatly restricted, and your basic dignity will be lost.
Secondly, it is a dilemma for children when their parents suffer from a disease that requires huge medical expenses. Either they have to go bankrupt and receive medical treatment, which affects their family's basic life, or they have to endure the condemnation of conscience and external comments and give up raising their parents. Parents, please don’t put your children in this situation.
3, has the ability to take care of himself, but fully expects his children to serve him.
"My son married a wife, I should live a good life." With this idea, Aunt Tang, who is only 52 years old, lives a leisurely retirement life and leaves all the pressure to her son and daughter-in-law, which makes her daughter-in-law Ms. He feel very Not satisfied.
"My mother-in-law has never paid social security, has no income, and has no savings. She lives with us, eats and drinks with us, and even asks us to give her a few hundred to a thousand yuan in pocket money every month. My husband and I The combined income is only 12,000 yuan. We have to pay off the mortgage and raise children, which is already very stressful. "
Aunt Tang doesn't take care of her grandchildren. She doesn't do housework. She goes to bed early and gets up early. During the day, she either dances in the square or plays cards. The son and daughter-in-law work all day, and when they come back from get off work they have to clean the house, cook, and babysit the children. They feel exhausted.
"Don't sweep or mop your room. The washing machine is right there. Just throw the clothes in and press the switch. She doesn't care. Either wait for me to cook dinner or go out to eat. I'm too lazy to do it myself. She's not paralyzed. What else do you expect me to do?”
For most young people, their income is just enough to support their families. The mortgage and child expenses put a lot of pressure on them. If parents have no savings and rely entirely on their children to provide for themselves in old age, young people will be under greater pressure.
Saving money is a great way to secure your life in old age. While you are still strong, work hard to make some money and take care of your own affairs. Even if you don't want to help your children and grandchildren, don't wait for your children to serve you and add more burdens to them.
Life is not easy, and a family needs to understand each other's difficulties. Don't be too willful and cause countless troubles to your loved ones. Once you are emotionally drained and deceive each other, it will be difficult for you to be happy in your later years.
