Let me tell you something that is heartbreaking. In fact, there is no sudden dislike, only the dislike you suddenly discover.
In other words: When you find that the other person doesn't love you anymore, maybe he hasn't loved you for a while.
For any couple, as long as both parties truly love each other and ensure that the other party is not a scumbag man/woman, there is no such fantasy change as "if you say you don't love, you won't love";
In essence, is you You don't notice the sudden drop in the other person's favor, you don't care about the other person's disappointment after enduring it again and again, and you don't notice the helplessness the other person feels every time they deduct points for you. —— You ignore the process of quantitative change leading to qualitative change, and you take it for granted that the relationship between two people is fine no matter what.
You deceive yourself and others, you are fearless, and you can find reasons to cover up any flaws; however, you ignore that feelings are a matter between two people, and the other person will remember the hurt you do not remember for you.
The relationship deteriorated quietly, and you missed the opportunity to remedy it in time.
When you have accumulated enough disappointment, you will let it go, so the other party will one day directly inform you: "Let's break up."
But before this "no love", he also experienced countless struggles and unwillingness, countless efforts and remedies, but the final result still did not change his feelings for the two people and his loss of confidence in you.
1. How will a person behave before he doesn’t love you anymore?
As long as he has loved you, there will definitely be flaws in the process of ending the relationship. These flaws are the last distress signals sent by emotions to you.
If it is discovered, congratulations, it is not too late to make amends, and there is a high probability that you can get back a win; if
is not discovered, and you continue to suffer from overwork and illness, then unfortunately, the cancer cells will eventually spread throughout the body.
These flaws usually appear as:
1. Try to express your dissatisfaction
Whether it is to sit down and communicate with you calmly, or to quarrel with you hysterically and strangely, in essence, it is all to express your dissatisfaction with you in the relationship, just because It's just that the methods of production are different due to different personalities and abilities.
And this dissatisfaction is not out of the desire to find trouble, but a real psychological pressure on him.
2. Start to reconcile with yourself
You find that those things that should have caused him huge emotional fluctuations, now he accepts them without saying a word.
This is not because you have trained him well and made him obey; it is very likely that the other party has a conditioned reflex from his heart after experiencing countless fruitless communications - "If you don't accept it, then only I will accept it."
So, he learned to talk to himself, reconcile with himself, and find excuses for you to excuse you - but it was often unsuccessful, because if he could really digest himself, he would not have put it on the table as a problem. You keep arguing again and again.
In the process of self-digestion, he feels pain and helplessness, and subconsciously blames himself for this negative emotion. He was enduring and squeezing, just waiting for the day when it would explode.
3. Gradually alienating you
He finds countless excuses to alienate his relationship with you, whether it is physically or mentally.
He will become very busy at work, get tired easily, and go to bed early every day; he will start to expand his social circle, contact new people, try to let others take your place, and feel the life after returning to being single.
He no longer takes the initiative. As long as you don't look for him, he will rarely look for you.
4. Not afraid of losing you
There is another hidden manifestation: The other party is reluctant to leave you, but he is not afraid of losing you.
If you initiate the breakup, or act unreasonably and deliberately test him, you will obviously feel his indifference.He won't coax you, let alone force you to reconcile, as if you don't find him, the two of you will break up soon.
He is just in the last stage of clarifying his attitude: Let nature take its course and accept the loss.
The above four points are the more obvious changes in attitude and performance of the other party before they want to break up.
So, let’s push forward one more time: What is it that will cause a person who clearly loves you to have a shaken relationship and have the idea of separation?
Only by understanding this can we accurately avoid lightning and nip it in the bud.
2. What are the characteristics of a relationship that can seriously damage the relationship between both parties?
1. Long-term mental oppression
Mental oppression is not necessarily malicious or intentional, but it is a real existence among many couples and has become a habit.
For example, you often restrict the other person's personal freedom from a personal perspective, often use moral hijacking to achieve your goals, often rely on the other person's love to act recklessly and lack respect; you are not understanding and tolerant enough, making the other person always feel that you are not respected. accept.
In short, he cannot enjoy the satisfaction and comfort of ease, equality, and recognition in the relationship .
Inequality is always a taboo in relationships.
2. Stop your own development
The reason why he loves you is because you were charming enough to attract him.
Similarly, the reason why he doesn't love you is because he can't see the shining point in you.
The reason why love brain is not advisable is not because of loving too much, because loving too much is destined to affect your personal development, even weaken your original personal charm and advantages, and turn you into a loser. Counter return to people with various demands.
Remember, except for your parents, the love others have for you must be based on your own conditions that are enough to attract attention - you can not show it, but you can't live without it.
Therefore, in relationships, there should be an appropriate sense of urgency and crisis.
3. The relationship is too tight and lacks a sense of space.
Love needs to breathe, and it also requires appropriate space for each other. . Moderate space will make two people more relaxed and give each other the opportunity to adjust and appreciate each other.
When two people want to be together no matter what they do, it is basically a countdown to the end of the relationship.
Don’t be surprised. If both parties are in a passionate relationship, it’s usually not a big problem, but if it has been like this for a long time and has a tendency to stay like this forever, it will be very dangerous.
From a human perspective, different individuals have different needs in life. When two parties become conjoined twins and do everything such as work, life, entertainment, and making friends together, one of the parties must be constantly compromising and making concessions;
From From a gender perspective, men and women have different cognitive attitudes toward relationships. Experience tells us that too close a relationship will quickly consume a boy's freshness, and he will be blinded by "subjective dissatisfaction" and start to be picky about girls, feeling that domestic flowers are not as fragrant as wild flowers...
So , any relationship must be based on human nature, and do not do anything that goes against human nature. Temporary peace does not mean future happiness. Dissatisfaction is accumulated bit by bit.
A long-term relationship is like sailing against the current. If you don't advance, you will retreat. Both people in the relationship must maintain a moderate sense of crisis at all times to guard against the slightest mistake.
Don’t wait until love is gradually worn away, then you ask, “Why is he suddenly so heartless and wants to break up?”, and then blame yourself in a sober mind: “I wish I had noticed earlier!”
I am profound, national second-level psychological counselor , translator of the book "Nonviolent Communication: Gender", member of Dalian Psychological Association, 34 years old, married and with children, willing to share my attitude.
