If you ask me, how am I doing now, are you anxious?
I would answer, yes, very anxious!
This kind of anxiety mainly comes from two aspects.
The first aspect is the marriage issue.
also said in the question, I am an older leftover woman, and I am not a non-marriage person, nor do I plan to be " DINK ", so I definitely want to get married. I am not single at the moment, but my relationship is not going well, and there is no hope of getting married.
If you ask me, why am I still here today, is it because I have too high expectations? Maybe it seems like this to outsiders, but to me, it's completely different.
In my opinion, I don’t have high standards at all. In the beginning, such as when I was in junior high school or high school, I didn’t seem to know how to get along with boys or the opposite sex. That is, if they didn’t talk to me, I wouldn’t know how to get along with them. The kind that won't talk to them.
I don’t know if it’s just me, or if there are many girls or some girls like this?
By the way, when I was in junior high school, I had freckles on my face, so I seemed afraid to look at others because I always felt like others were looking at the freckles on my face.
The conditions of my original family were also not good, but at that time, rural families were generally the same, and the difference was not too big. Most importantly, my family of origin was not happy at all.
My mother has a relatively strong personality and works neatly, but my father is cowardly and very honest. They were born with incompatible personalities, so their marriage was technically a tragedy. This tragedy lasted for decades and ended with the illness and death of their father.
In my mother’s words, the reason why she didn’t get divorced was all for the three of us sisters.
Maybe, deep down, my personality is really like my dad, too down-to-earth, too stubborn, and too cowardly.
When I was in school, I was a " good girl " in the eyes of others and parents. I listened carefully in class and did my homework after class, and my parents basically didn't have to worry about it. But people like me don’t seem to have anything to do with intelligence. Most of the time in junior high school and high school, my grades were always at a mediocre level. I worked very hard every day or others saw that I worked hard but couldn’t achieve any results.
In this way, my sensitive, inferior and cowardly character gradually formed.
Sometimes my grades are pretty good, but every time I take the big exam I always do surprisingly poorly. I don’t know why? I don’t know whether it’s because my mentality is too bad or because my knowledge is really not solid?
In the end, I went to an ordinary second-level major and didn’t find any good job after graduation. I always lack self-confidence. I feel as if I can’t do any job well. I feel like I’m not good enough even if I don’t try, so I’ve always been “low-achieving”.
As a result, ten years have passed, and I have not saved any money, nor have I accumulated any useful experience. Now I am back in the small county town of our hometown. I quit my job last year and was unemployed for a year after taking the driver's license test. I found a clerical job in mid-June this year. It has been almost a month since I joined the job. I have a lot of leisure every day. I don't know what to do?
Actually, I am very eager to make money now, but my ability is not worthy of my desire. This feeling is very uncomfortable. I am not a career-oriented girl. I do not have the courage and courage to work hard in a big city.
I have always been very self-aware about this!
My colleagues at my current workplace are all very nice, but I don’t have much sense of accomplishment and feel confused. Confused, yes, it seems that I have been in this confused state since graduating from college.
I remember Liu Tong wrote a book called "Whose Youth Is Not Confused". Maybe everyone is confused at every stage.
