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"The knowledge of gift giving" is a broad and profound traditional culture in China. From gifts between countries in ancient times to today's gift giving, gifts are a kind of testimony, and more It is the closer relationship between each other.
French psychologist Samuel Lepastier believes: " Gifts are a testimony of love and relationship, and a kind of spiritual food. We can see the prototype from mothers nurturing their children. So what and how we give gifts , it becomes particularly important."
Research on history found that the custom of "following the ceremony" actually came from Zhu Yuanzhang. When Zhu Yuanzhang was a boy, his family was very poor. When a relative died, there was no place to bury him.
Fortunately, with the help of the rich man, the family could have a peaceful burial. So after he came to power, he advocated that the common people should help each other: "Good or bad things about marriage will happen in everyone's family, so if there is any problem in the family in the future, If something like this happens, you should help each other. When you encounter such a situation in the future, you will also get help from the other party. "
From then on, "following the ceremony" kicked off, and helping the other party in the "following the ceremony" way. , and will not make the other party lose face.
Not only should we pay attention to the rules of giving gifts when asking for help, but even brothers and sisters who are very close must know some rules.
The strong give gifts to the weak and sincerely help
Although they are a family, their relationships are also close and distant, and there is a huge difference in economic strength between them. Brothers and sisters are like hands, they may be long or short. Maybe some people in the family are very rich, while others are relatively poor.
So if you are a relatively wealthy person, you should be relatively generous to your brothers and sisters whose family conditions are not very good. But this has also caused many people to question, what is the use of help? The other party cannot give himself a certain reward.
When Xiao Li’s sister-in-law got married to her uncle’s family, she received a gift of 20,000 yuan. Because at that time, the children of the uncle’s family bought a house in the city and were heavily in debt in order to get married.
Although the gift of 20,000 yuan will still have to be returned in the future, this emergency method also helped his uncle, which also reflected the brotherhood.
Give gifts to the children of brothers and sisters, the courtesy is light and the affection is more important
When brothers and sisters have their own families, then the children become the link between each other. If the children always complain: "It's Chinese New Year, my relatives gave me the It’s really boring to have the red envelope taken away before you can warm it in your hands. It’s better not to miss the New Year.”
But if you can give the child a small amount of money while giving the red envelope, let the child freely use it. , not only reflects the care for the children, but also promotes the relationship between brothers and sisters.
Reciprocate politely and take the initiative to suffer
There is no absolute fairness in the world, and the relationship between brothers and sisters is naturally closer than other relatives.
So if you often argue with each other over some small money, it is actually very worthless. If you even argue about the money spent every time you eat and treat guests, getting along with each other will actually be very tiring.
If the elder brother invites everyone to dinner, the younger brother gives everyone a small red envelope to express his gratitude, and the younger sister buys wine, and everyone works together for this party, then you can have a relatively harmonious party. This undefined way of giving gifts is also will be happier.
So there is actually no way to reciprocate "gift-giving", because for brothers and sisters, the feelings involved far exceed the gifts and money themselves. If we can use gift-giving to shorten the distance between each other, then can make each other happier.
Bernard Shaw also once said: "Home is the only place in the world that can hide human shortcomings and failures, but it can also contain our sweetness."
Maybe families are not smooth and perfect, but a family with brothers and sisters will feel more like home. Everyone is tolerant of each other and can sit together and communicate with each other.
Therefore, the simple "following the gift" method is actually just to create a relatively harmonious atmosphere for the family. A better family tradition means that family members should not fight for petty profits, and every penny counts. If we care about each other, we lose the meaning of family.
And if the amount of "suili" is also compared on and , the original value of "suili" will actually be lost.
Only by truly understanding the meaning of "suili" can suili truly realize its value. The relationship between brothers and sisters is not only maintained by parents and family affection, but also by mutual interests.
You come and I go to make the relationship more harmonious. The so-called "gifts" are actually the lubricant between each other. Only by allowing each other to see each other's sincerity can the relationship be closer and harmonious, so when brothers and sisters give gifts , be sure to keep these principles in mind.
- The End -
author | Tommy
editor | No Rain
first psychological writing team | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018) . Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205
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