What motivates people to search for a mate, a partner, or a close friend? Why do we need other people to come into our lives? Why can't people survive like an island? Why do we block someone when the relationship with them comes to an end? The relationship between people is somet

What motivates people to search for a mate, a partner, or a close friend? Why do we need other people to come into our lives? Why can't people survive like an island? Why do we block someone when the relationship with them comes to an end?

The relationship between people is sometimes very subtle. It is precisely because of this subtlety that people began to study "psychology".

1 The source of security

Adler once said: "All troubles come from interpersonal relationships." The interpersonal relationships here are not the "friends" and "classmates" we often talk about, but in a broader sense. "Relationships between people". Because of the relationship between people, some complex psychological reactions will occur.

What Adler said about troubles is that a chemical reaction will form between people. After the chemical reaction, people will have a superiority mentality or inferiority complex in their hearts. The fundamental principles that lead to these psychology are It comes from the inner sense of security . When a sense of security is perceived by an individual, it usually appears in the form of a "sense of presence".

If you are a leader, you will have a perspective - who needs to be encouraged, who needs to be arrogant, and who needs help... And these come from the "sense of presence" displayed by each person. the same.

What is the scariest situation in a class, a team, or a family? That's right, unseen and ignored by everyone.

Where does belief come from?

Beliefs begin to form when we are still embryos. According to scientific surveys, central nerve and peripheral nerves begin to form at 3 weeks of pregnancy (the embryo is only 15 mm long).

got to know the composition of this world in her mother’s belly and became familiar with its way of life. When a child is born and everyone can hug him, the total number of neurons in the newborn's brain is about 100 billion, which is basically the same as the total number of neurons in adulthood (86 billion).

In our understanding, the world that babies know is limited, and they cannot even understand the language of adults. But imagine, a 20-year-old guy who doesn't speak Chinese is standing aside. You and other friends keep chatting and ignore him. How does your heart change in him? The answer is obvious, either leave or attract your attention.

Therefore, insecure children especially like to make loud noises to attract the attention of adults at the age of 0-6. What about older children? They will attract attention by "creating conflict".

For example, a 3-year-old child may be unhappy and cry because he has a younger brother. And if an 11-year-old child feels that he is not valued at home, he will start playing games crazily, his grades will decline, and he will go against you. This achieves the purpose of "being noticed".

Therefore, there is a saying in the psychology circle - how simple and rude you are to your children before the age of 14 will determine how violent the storm will be after the age of 14.

2 How to establish a sense of security

Therefore, parents who have the ability to give their children a sufficient sense of security before they reach adulthood must pay attention to two points:

1. Group acceptance - that is, "see the child with the same eyes as the father and the mother." .

The explanation of this sentence is to let the children belong to this family. When children feel at home, they will have a source of replenishing energy.

When a child does not have enough sense of belonging and feels that everyone around him is untrustworthy, then he will build a world in his heart, and he will definitely not be able to exist in two worlds at the same time, so in his The two worlds in the world must be hostile.

This also shows that he is the enemy of the whole world in an "isolated" world. But now the virtual world is very developed, and the game industry has always been very popular, allowing many children who are addicted to "building their own world" to find allies. In the eyes of adults, this is children joining forces to "rebellion".

2. Being given a name

This is a very sacred link. The moment the name is given, an ‘expectation’ that transcends the present is placed on the child. Name is the background of everyone's life.

In the 1970s and 1980s, many boys' names had the meaning of integrity and upright thinking. The name was determined by the kind of person parents expected their children to be, such as: Jianguo, Lihua, Single Name One Country or Hua, wealth, etc.

And many girls' names are more or less soft, such as Fang, Feng, Ying'er, Xiu'er, Juan'er, etc.

Of course, there are also some erroneous expectations influenced by culture, such as naming daughters: Zhaodi, Shengnan, etc. The gender of the child is ignored, resulting in the child's initial background being confused. The giving of the name

sets the color tone of our lives, and also gives children an anchor to inherit the strength of their ancestors.

Therefore, love yourself well, find a circle where you belong, and find the right person. You will find that there is always a corner full of sunshine.

#生元家#​#psychology#​