Sister Si has been cheating and rescuing her for so many years, and she has to admit the fact that her husband’s cheating has a devastating impact on a woman.
If it is light, it will destroy the three outlooks; if it is serious, it will destroy three years or even a lifetime. The very important reason for this is that women don’t know how to deal with it.
I want to forgive, but I can't. It's like a lump in my throat, trust is gone, days are like years, how can a broken mirror be reunited?
wants a divorce, is afraid of the unknown future, is afraid of being alone, and is afraid that he and his children will be labeled as "divorced" and "single parent".
Cheating happened. In fact, many sisters have thought about divorce. The fear of uncertainty in the future makes them have no confidence.
They are afraid that they will die alone, they are afraid that they will be criticized, they are afraid that their living standards will decline, they are afraid that no one will accompany them when they are sick, they are afraid that no one will love them...
So the problem they talk about the most is, : "I can't stand sharing a man with another woman. Even if my consumption is downgraded, even if I start over, I have to leave him."
"Sister Miss, I want to take revenge on them. They make it difficult for me, and they can't even think about it. Better..."
"Sister Si, tell me, why don't I forgive him? I still have children. I haven't gone out to work since I got married, and I'm a little scared..."
From the above conversation, what can we discover? Woolen cloth? After an affair occurs, there are indeed only a few strong people who can bravely choose to divorce. People like
can accept reality and know what is the best choice for themselves.
Many people may think that they will cry all day long, but they are doing well.
Divorce is not a tiger, you only know it after you are divorced.
But I can also understand that those sisters who have been stuck in marriage for a long time and find it difficult to break out of their comfort zone have been unwilling to give up for many years and devoted all their efforts to taking care of their families, but now they have such a result. It is so painful.
If a man shows some attentiveness and gives a sweet date at this time, most wives will fall into the illusion that he will cure themselves, and then fall into the next painful cycle. So today, let’s talk about these two situations and what to do respectively....
01 After she was cheated and divorced, how was she doing?
Pepe divorced six months ago because her husband cheated. Who would have thought that after half a year, this seemingly weak woman would buy a house. When I received her call, I couldn't help but ask her, "Don't you already have two houses? You also have a house in the school district, so why are you buying a house?"
I knew that she gave cash to her ex-husband when she got divorced. I was also surprised that she bought a house in just six months.
She has been very calm since the divorce and lives a normal life. Basically, I don't hear many complaints from her. When
got divorced, I was still worried about her. I went to see her twice. Every time I went, she was calm and natural. Her life seemed to be no different from before the divorce.
also took care of her children, and the furnishings at home remained the same! We often chat, and she rarely talks about her husband. We talk about funds, financial management, how to increase income at work, develop herself, and then the children. She used to be a night owl, but now she goes to bed at 11:30 at the latest.
I feel relieved after meeting this time. She drove over, and her skills were obviously much better than before. We looked at the house, and the children were jumping around, very happy.
I advised her to "keep more cash and don't put too much pressure on yourself." She told me, "Buying a house is an objective evaluation of your ability, and you are confident that you will earn more money. Besides, buying a house is also an investment."
In addition, she said there are several reasons:
First, money depreciates when left alone. , everything should be put to its best use, and people cannot be without goals and pursuits;
The second is that they live closer, which can save children’s time going to and from school, and parents and children can sleep more in the morning;
The third is that she has it very early Plans and goals, don’t want to give up just because of divorce;
The fourth is to promise your child to give her a room of the style she likes, and you can’t break your promise just because of divorce;
The fifth is to improve your quality of life, love yourself and give yourself the motivation to work hard. power.When
said this, I understood that she was still the same Pepe. did not forget her original intention and lose herself because of the divorce.
She knew exactly what she wanted, just like she bravely chose divorce at that time.
When we talked about the topic of cheating men, she also calmly told me that she rarely contacted her ex-husband and occasionally saw the children, but the children were fine, because the father had very little involvement in the first place.
She told me: "Although this thing feels like a dream, like a lifetime ago, once it happened, it happened, and there is no going back! If I had to choose again, I would still do the same. If I don't get divorced, I can't get over this hurdle, and my life is not as good as it is now. Because I no longer have trust and love, I stayed up all night every night and lost nearly ten pounds. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn't love me. , can only be self-consumption and torture! "
Yes, it is indeed so. Besides, her life is really not bad now, isn't it? Three apartments, lovely children, a car when going out, a stable job... I know that if she wants it, there is no shortage of men.
But I also know that Pepe and her ex-husband were in love for the first time and loved each other deeply; but in her words "If it happens, just face it."
02 Regardless of whether he returns or not, we must practice being mentally independent ourselves
The question I often hear is: Sister Si, he keeps begging me to forgive me, what should I do? Sister Si, he has been back for a while and is doing very well, what should I do? Sister Si, he has returned well for a while, but now he is no longer as careless as before. Did he give up because he felt that I didn’t forgive him?
Let's analyze these sentences. What happened to him and what should I do?
Excuse me, should our whole body and mind be controlled by this man? When he comes to kneel and lick me, I act like a superior queen. If he doesn't kneel and lick me anymore, I'm afraid of losing him. Should I also show my kindness and let him have some sweet treats?
Sisters, remember: whatever he does is his behavior. Please open your God's perspective and treat all this as a drama you are following. You also want to see, what is the ending?
We are the cold-eyed bystanders, examining him and watching him from the perspective of an audience, rather than participating in him with true feelings.
He knelt on his knees, with tears and snot flowing down his face, and said that he wanted to return. OK, let me see how you perform when you return? Occasionally, I catch you with evidence of cheating. I'm sorry, but you don't deserve this trophy from me. In my heart, you have already been kicked out.
can only keep you because of profit.
If he behaves well on his way back, that's fine too! Having one more person give me money, give me bags, cook for me, take care of my children, and take care of my parents is much better than hiring a nanny.
As for whether I should sincerely forgive, let’s talk about it. At this stage, being sweet-tongued and cold-hearted is the trick I should use.
03 Regardless of whether he returns or not, we must look at the benefits.
Many wives are as excited as if they are welcoming the emperor back to the palace when they see a man indicating that he is returning after a long break. They feel reassured, as if they are the winner.
Since he has made the decision to choose a family, it is enough to show that the family and me are more important in his heart.
If he is willing to look back, I will give him a chance to repair himself so that our marriage can overcome this difficulty.
So, he returns, and you continue to treat him as your husband. He began to have various demands and expectations for him.
But because it is too easy to forgive, the man forgets to eat but not to fight, and the original wife is heartbroken. This means that the thunder between the two people has not disappeared because of their return, but has just been buried.
Xiaodie said that she is very concerned about the state of the man after his return. She should return to the same state as before the affair, with a normal sex life, a humble attitude and compensatory behavior. It seems that there is no problem with this.
But there is a problem here: To see whether a person is wrong, does it depend on the other person's behavior, or just on words?
If you rely solely on language and you believe it again, then this time you will remember the food but not the fight.
What he said to you when he asked for forgiveness, did it have any real help to us? Not really. Many people say that what I want from him is just his attitude. Then the attitude is only the current attitude. This can only mean that he does not want a divorce. Does not wanting a divorce mean that he loves you?
From the perspective of marriage, this answer is uncertain.
Some people don’t want to let you go because you are cowardly; some people don’t want to divorce because it is not good for them, but this does not mean that they love you, but that they think about themselves.
Since he thinks for himself, then you must see this clearly and then think for yourself.
What is of substantial help to you?
That is to hold on to the benefits when the other party asks for forgiveness. This must be the first thing that can be actually held in hand and used.
Many people care about whether he loves the mistress or me? How much does he love and care about his mistress? Why did he buy her this and that, and why did he see her every once in a while? Wait for this series of questions.
Apart from making yourself resentful and causing your body to collapse, there is no real help. To put it bluntly, you have no decision-making power in these matters because he is an independent individual and it is not you who decides what he does. Calculate.
I have always told my sisters that when the other person is in a period of guilt or admits his mistake and returns, first ask him to produce a certificate of surrender. If you want to admit your mistake, you have to pay the price and provide the benefits. When the other party doesn't talk about feelings with you, they won't consider your feelings at all. Why not protect yourself first at this time?
04 If you dare to stop losses in marriage, you can also win beauty
Divorce is not a failure, it is just a choice. When a relationship or a marriage can no longer nourish you and only consumes you, we have to consider whether to leave.
In fact, from the moment a man cheats on his wife, he is destined to no longer be the same person, and the marriage is destined to never return to its past.
Sister Si knows that during this period, you will be in great pain, you will be reluctant to let go, you will feel sad and regretful, and you will not be able to restrain your heart that wants him to come back. There was obviously such a happy past, but why didn’t it happen? A happy ending?
But love should always be a two-way street. If one of the people cheats, he can no longer devote himself to the marriage and his wife, so no matter how hard the other person tries to save it, it will be in vain.
Maybe you expect him to have a conscience, to see your good points, and to realize his mistakes. Sorry, this is most likely impossible.
Aronson 's book "Who Will Admit Their Mistakes" says this: Whenever we make a mistake, we must eliminate the cognitive dissonance that shakes our sense of self-worth. We allow our minds to invent excuses to avoid responsibility, reinforcing our belief that we are smart, virtuous, and infallible.
To reduce dissonance, we also convince ourselves that the victim is not kind and innocent, and we continually justify our aggressive behavior.
In other words, it is almost impossible for him to realize how much harm his cheating will cause to you, but you have to kneel and lick to save yourself for such a man, and in the process, you will gradually lose yourself, and you will lose your past. My self, my cheerful, optimistic, and sunny self.
You can no longer go back to the past, but you can.
When you understand that this relationship is no longer nourishing, but has been consuming you, then stopping the loss in time, bravely quitting love, and finding your former self is the most important thing you should do at the moment, isn't it?
Only when a person is his true self can he be real, happy and secure. A real, happy, and confident woman is radiant and more attractive.
You most likely have 40-50 years left in your life. Do you plan to spend your whole life in this negative relationship?
I think you will not.
Your life is like the blazing sun, let us use our youth in worthwhile places.
Go and fight for your career, make money, let your life shine, and contribute to social construction, you will find that your life can be so colorful. There are sisters in the
group who, after being cheated on, achieved the three-character classic . They did not pay attention to the scumbag and concentrated on the exam. As a result, I failed to pass the public examinations in the previous several times, but I did pass the last time.
After deciding to cut off her expectations of scumbag men, a sister gradually occupied her life with charity activities. Now she has become a celebrity in the community and has participated in important events on behalf of the community several times.
Women are more than love, and life is more than marriage.
When you are in pain, enlarge the pattern and the problem will be solved.
If you don’t know how to do it, come, I and hundreds of sisters in the group who have the same experience will guide you step by step.
What is the best way to make your husband dislike his lover? Letting them get along
