In the past, cars, horses, and emails were very slow, and there was only enough time to love one person in a lifetime; but now everything is very fast, and separation from recognition is just the distance between adding a friend and deleting a friend.
There is an old saying in China: "People are doing it, and God is watching."
The ancients respected heaven and earth, understood the principle of "harmony between man and nature", and did not dare to do anything that went against their conscience or harmed nature.
Modern people do not believe in traditional culture, do not believe in the ancients, and do not believe in "gods can be seen three feet above the head". They are not afraid of anything, so they dare to do anything.
It’s obviously a lack of self-confidence in one’s own culture, but it’s because the society has changed that I can’t believe in love anymore!
Marriage begins with love. When love is no longer there, cheating or not, all that is missing may be an opportunity.
Recently, Pan Suiming, a professor at Renmin University, made a shocking statement, “China has the highest rate of extramarital affairs in the world.” He disclosed the results of a nationwide random sample survey he conducted every five years starting in 2000.
The results show that one out of every 7.5 wives cheats. Of course, in this regard, husbands also have a 3-fold numerical advantage, completely defeating the cheating wives. What can be seen is that in 2000, the cheating rate of men was 11.8%, and by 2021 it reached 60%. The cheating rate of women has also been rising, even faster than that of men.
In fact, the devastating part of the disaster caused by infidelity is not the filth of the body and the betrayal of the soul, but the collapse and disintegration of the trust relationship.
Just as it is said in " The Book of Changes " Heng Gua : "Heng, long-lasting".
"Book of Rites·University" says: "Virtue is the foundation, wealth is the end".
No matter how high a person is or how capable he is, if he lacks even the most basic "loyalty", no matter how hard he works, it will be useless.
1. The love of "mismatch of supply and demand"
Du Fu once said: "With tens of millions of mansions, the poor people in the world will be happy."
The most important thing about whether a person can be faithful in marriage is whether he has a courageous and fearless spirit of responsibility towards others, including towards society and the country.
The Tongren hexagram in the "Book of Changes" says: "Together with people in the wilderness will lead to prosperity. It will benefit the rivers and rivers, and the gentleman will be honest."
Whether a person can develop is not determined by destiny, but by ability.
Why is it so difficult to fall in love now? There is a term called "mismatch of supply and demand", which means that women are making progress, but men's criteria for choosing a mate still remain in the agricultural society, that is, women have to revolve around men.
From the perspective of evolution , in ancient times, humans made a living by hunting, and men were naturally physically stronger than women, so they were responsible for hunting. Even in 2022, girls in some parts of China still did not go to school and had to stay at home. Look at my brother.
From a medical point of view, men are the offensive party in sexual behavior, so in terms of psychological factors, only the other party makes him feel condescending, just like "The bossy president fell in love with me" will always be an enduring theme in idol dramas and romance novels. Type of decline.
Men have not made progress, but women have been making progress. This has another word called "Mu Qiang Gene".
According to China Social Work Association survey statistics show that: more than 77% of women require that the salary of their blind date is more than double that of their own, and more than 18% of them require that their partner’s salary is at least three times that of their own.
When choosing a spouse, many women not only require the man to have more savings than themselves and a higher salary than themselves, but also require that the man be more than 10 centimeters taller than themselves, and that the real estate should be no less than what they own, etc.
As the saying goes: "If there is a will, things will come true; if you work hard, God will not let you down."
From ancient times to the present, a man's career has been the most important part, but when a woman likes a man, it mainly depends on whether he is motivated and enterprising.
Li He also said: "Why don't men bring Wu hook and collect them from Guanshan and fifty states.Please come to Lingyan Pavilion for a while, like a scholar with ten thousand households"?
If a man has no responsibility, it is impossible to achieve anything, especially a big undertaking.
At the end of the Qin Dynasty when Chen Sheng and Wu Guang revolted, he said: "Princes and princes will be in peace with each other. "What kind of thing"? Liu Bang Once on the way to Xianyang, he encountered Qin Shihuang's brigade on patrol. From a distance, Qin Shihuang was sitting in a beautifully decorated and gorgeous car, looking majestic and envious. He blurted out: "This is what a man is born to do." They are all pursuing and responsible people. As men, they are determined in their hearts and do not fail or change when encountering hardships. They continue to gain experience, work hard, and never think about anything. It is difficult to succeed. Premier Zhou Enlai is the best example.
Mao Zedong once said: "If a child is determined to leave his country, he will not return until he succeeds in his studies."
In 1910, Zhou Enlai was educated in some new ideas in the Northeast, and his patriotism gradually emerged. In a class in the spring of 1911, when the teacher asked "Why do you study?", other students rushed to answer. Some students said it was to get promoted and make a fortune, some students said it was to open a shop and sell, and some students said it was to do business. Collecting land rent and keeping accounts...
At this time, only Zhou Enlai stood up and replied loudly: "Study for the rise of China."
Isn't this his ambitious and patriotic sentiment? In 1913, Zhou Enlai passed the Tianjin Private School. Nankai School. While studying at the school, he also organized a dedicated group meeting with his classmates and participated in the performance of " Civilization Drama"
In 1917, Zhou Enlai graduated from Nankai School and decided to go eastward in order to seek the truth of saving the country and the people. Japan, before leaving, he wrote a magnificent poem
"The great river sings and turns eastward, the sophisticated science and technology help the poor, the wall has been broken for ten years, but it is difficult to be rewarded and the hero is brave", which has influenced generations of Chinese. descendants.
"The Book of Changes" says: " Heaven moves in a healthy way, and a gentleman strives for self-improvement."
When you are alive, you must have some vitality. If they cannot withstand setbacks and hardships, a small blow in life or work can easily knock them down.
Such men are destined to be unable to achieve great things, and women will naturally not like them.
Especially in a marriage, men will not like them. The most fatal shortcoming is lack of ambition and lack of ambition. A man who is incapable and does not work hard will inevitably live in embarrassment, and quarrels caused by embarrassment are inevitable.
"It is not terrible to be poor for a while, but it is very terrible to be poor for a lifetime."
This does not mean that a man must be successful, but that he must have his own things to do, whether it is work or hobbies, he must always maintain a positive heart.
2. A marriage of "great virtue"
The ancients said: "One third of a person is cold when he is poor, and seventy percent of a poor heart is bitter."
What is more terrible than having no money is the lack of thought and spirit, because there is room for maneuver in material poverty, but inner poverty is often incurable.
"The Book of Changes" says: "The sky hangs down like an elephant to see good or bad luck."
If a person is in awe, he must be "righteous in his body, his words should be followed, and his actions should be stopped."
The ancients said: "There is nothing greater than sorrow, and there is nothing greater than poverty."
Sometimes, a little benefit can clearly expose a person's pattern. The smaller the structure, the "poorer" people tend to be at heart.
On Zhihu , someone once asked: "What do poor-hearted people lack?" In the comment area below, there is a comment that impressed me deeply: "Lack of broad-mindedness, lack of long-term vision, and lack of ambition in life. It lacks interest."
Think about it carefully, it is true. The poorer the heart, the poorer the heart, sometimes will be dazzled by temporary benefits, do irrational things, and destroy their own and even other people's lives. Only with an open mind, the road will be easier. The wider you walk and the bigger the pattern, the smoother your life will be.
Zhou Yu became famous at a young age. Not only was he outstanding in appearance, he was also very talented, so he also married the famous beauty Xiao Qiao. In the eyes of modern people, Zhou Yu was simply a sure winner in life! Not only does he have a happy family and career, but he is also handsome. No matter how you look at him, he is the object of envy! Of course, all this was before encountering Zhuge Liang .
Later, Zhou Yu met Zhuge Liang, who was also very talented. Zhuge Liang was also well regarded by the outside world, and even had a better reputation than Zhou Yu. Therefore, even though Zhou Yu had already become famous, had a family, and had a career, he was still jealous of Zhuge Liang, and was still driven by jealousy to trouble Zhuge Liang again and again.
However, Zhuge Liang is also a ruthless character. The two competed many times, and Zhou Yu ended up losing every time. The more times he failed, the more jealous Zhou Yu became. In the end, he was blinded by jealousy and kept stumbling on Zhuge Liang. As a result, everyone knew that Zhou Yu was angry to death from his own jealousy.
So many real-life examples also tell us that the more narrow-minded people are, the more likely they are to be jealous of others, and the ending is often not good; on the contrary, those who never care about others can always think in other people's shoes and think about the other person. People often have great blessings.
As it is said in the "Book of Changes": "The terrain is uneven, and a gentleman carries things with great virtue."
A good marriage does not mean that everything goes as planned, but that both parties have a tolerant heart even if they have different ideas and disagreements.
The love between Lu Xun and Xu Guangping was also vigorous at that time. They exchanged love letters one after another. Xu Guangping recalled that one day it was almost early in the morning and Lu Xun was still writing. Xu Guangping put his hands on his shoulders and planned to persuade him. After taking a rest, Lu Xun unexpectedly put down the pen in his hand, but his face was full of displeasure.
Xu Guangping was very sad. He had good intentions, but received such a cold reception. Later, Lu Xun explained to her: "When he was writing, he couldn't care about anything else. It was best to ignore it at this time. For him, even eating is superfluous." Only then did Xu Guangping understand Lu Xun's writing habits. From now on, he would "be more careful and let nature take its own course." After that, Lu Xun also tried his best to take care of Xu Guangping's emotions and used his smoking time to accompany him. She talks.
In fact, a happy marriage depends on the efforts of two people.
"The Book of Changes" says: "One yin and one yang are called Tao."
Yin and Yang, representing men and women, also said: "There is heaven and earth and then there are all things, there are all things and then there are men and women, there are men and women and then there are couples, there are couples and then there are fathers and sons." In a family, men are the sky, and the sky is strong and self-improvement. Therefore, men must be strong and responsible; women are like the earth, and they must be virtuous and virtuous, so women must be tolerant and gentle. In a family, only when men and women occupy their respective positions and yin and yang are in harmony, can the family be happy and harmonious, and children can grow up healthily.
When friction occurs, understanding and tolerance are the best lubricants.
But this does not mean that you have to compromise yourself to cater to the other person, nor does it mean that you should unconditionally praise every move of the other person. It means that you should try to lose your temper as little as possible or even not lose your temper without violating the principles.
Therefore, when choosing a partner, money is just a bonus, not the most important one. In addition to money, what modern people value most is the richness of the spiritual world.
Wang Bo said in "Preface to Prince Teng's Pavilion": "If you are poor and strong, you will not fall into the clouds."
We may not necessarily become millionaires, but we can at least enrich our hearts and work tirelessly for a better life.
3. "Comparing one's heart with one's heart" management
"Zengguang Xianwen" has a saying: "One day as a couple, a hundred generations of marriage, a hundred generations of cultivation, the same boat, a thousand generations of cultivation, sleep together."
Falling in love is a kind of fate, and staying together is a practice.
Many people have left messages to the author, asking whether we should marry love or life?
We often say: "Three views are different, so there is no need to force them to integrate."
Everyone should know that people can become friends only by having the same interests and interests, that is, having similar stances and views on things. Of course, this rule is followed when finding a partner.
"The Book of Changes" says: "The same voice corresponds to the same breath, and the same spirit seeks each other."
Only by finding someone who has the same views as you will your life be comfortable.
Indeed, the reality is this. The most touching love words from a man are not "I love you", but when she needs you, you say "I am here".
Feng Duan, an academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences , knows how to spend time with his wife.
As a master of condensed matter physics research, Feng Duan is one of the pioneers in crystal defect research in my country. He is an international leader in developing new fields of nonlinear optical crystals with microstructure modulation. Due to his outstanding contributions, he has been recognized internationally With the approval of the Minor Planet Center and the International Committee on Asteroid Nomenclature, the Purple Mountain Observatory of the Chinese Academy of Sciences named the asteroid with the international number 187709 "Feng Duanxing".
After work, Feng Duan also has an enviable married life. Because they had seen a cherry blossom tree in full bloom in Liyuan of Taihu Lake during their honeymoon, Feng Duan and his wife would go out together to see the flowers on their wedding anniversary every year as long as they were in Nanjing. On the days when the two places were separated, they would Letters were exchanged, and many of the poems Feng Duan wrote to his wife Chen Lianfang were also included in the letters.
In 1985, the 30th anniversary of Feng Duan and Chen Lianfang's marriage, Feng Duan wrote: "Recalling the day when they first met, Juanjuan makes my heart happy. I hate meeting each other too late, so the marriage was concluded. We have been a husband and wife for thirty years, and we have depended on each other. Autumn. After the spring blossoms, the sunset is still beautiful. We grow old together, and there is no doubt about our love." On their wedding anniversary in 1990, Feng Duan wrote many poems in Beijing, one of which read: "There is a vast sea of people looking for a close friend, and they want to find a beautiful woman to marry. I am very happy that you have a discerning eye and can recognize the pure jade hidden in the pure crystal."
The two have been accompanied by poetry throughout their lives, making this marriage transcend the secular world and full of romance.
The ancients said: "If each takes responsibility, the sky will be clear and the earth will be peaceful; if each takes responsibility for each other, the world will be turned upside down."
After a couple has been together for a long time, some of their own weaknesses will inevitably be exposed. It is the right way for each of them to reflect on themselves and blame each other, and to adapt to each other. If they blame each other, they will become increasingly alienated and even turn upside down.
"The Book of Changes" says: "When two people are of the same mind, their sharpness can break through metal."
Men love and pity women, and women admire men.
As the saying goes: "Be a good person before you do it."
Our Chinese traditional culture is a culture that educates people on how to behave. In fact, it is simply the word "virtue".
"The Great Learning" says: "Virtue is the foundation, wealth is the end."
Therefore, the focus of education in ancient times was to improve morality. However, in the past two hundred years, with the gradual loss of traditional culture, people have paid more attention to practical interests and neglected moral education. The foundation is not stable, and loyalty is naturally gone. .
In the end, the test of marriage is not how to be romantic, but whether you have achieved the most basic understanding, respect and dedication.
In fact, those happy marriages all hide the truth. People who are responsible, thoughtful, trust each other, know how to pay, and know how to manage are better able to shoulder the burden of marriage.
I hope that every beautiful couple can feel the broad bond between life and death, and tell Zicheng. The romance of holding your son’s hand and growing old together!
