received a letter from a female reader:
She said that she particularly hated her father because his behavior at home and outside were completely different.
At home, my father is a irritable, anxious, and extremely emotional person.
quarreled with her mother whenever they disagreed. She also liked to throw things when they quarreled; not only that, her father's attitude towards her was also very bad.
is unwilling to communicate well and cannot establish a good communication pattern with his family.
However, outside, my father turned into a good old man.
No matter what others say or do, he just smiles and says nothing; when others ask for something from him, even if it is difficult for him, he still has to help them do it.
The most impressive time was:
She had just paid her tuition and living expenses for college, and her family only had 20,000 yuan left; then, a relative came to borrow money from her family.
The mother meant not to give it because the family needed money and had to use it everywhere; but the father ignored the dissuasion and lent out all the money in the family.
doesn’t care what his wife and children will do with their lives in the future.
I saw a hot search on the Internet:
Why is a person very angry with close people but very friendly to strangers?
Have you ever behaved like this in your life?
Or, have you ever encountered something similar?
So, why does this state and gap occur?
-01
You are your true self in front of your loved ones, while in front of outsiders you are just a "persona"
In this world, no one knows you better than your parents and loved ones.
Maybe you don’t even know yourself well enough, but your parents and loved ones can know what you are thinking and what is the purpose of doing this.
In an intimate relationship, a person behaves violently and has a bad temper. This is because this is what he truly looks like in his heart.
When something unhappy happens, he doesn’t want to endure it and just wants to vent it out.
However, in the outside world, he needs to constantly manage his own persona, always carrying the baggage of being an idol.
He hopes to be recognized and recognized by the outside world, so he can only be as friendly as possible and show his patience and smile to the outside world.
This kind of "pleasing" behavior itself shows that he is pretending to be his own persona.
-02
Trust, don’t worry that your loved ones will leave you
In intimate relationships, we play each other’s role as the “preferred person”.
In the hearts of parents, children are their favorite people; no matter what they say or do, even if they break their parents' hearts.
However, parents still will not leave their children, and still give their children the best material after the quarrel.
On the other hand:
Children understand that they are favored, so they can be "confident".
After all, those who are favored are the ones who are confident.
They don’t have to worry about the other person leaving them, or what harm they will cause to the other person.
Only in intimate relationships can people's selfishness and irritability be fully expressed.
However, in front of outsiders, they need to look kind and mysterious.
Because this is a way for him to show himself to the outside world.
When facing strangers, they must show enough kindness in order to get the same kindness from each other.
Deep down, I long for respect from the outside world and a good reputation.
However, when facing his closest family members, he doesn't mind at all his irritability and anger.
-03
The subconscious mind does not allow you to "show weakness" to your loved ones.
For example:
It rained outside, and your lover got wet when he returned home.
What you are thinking in your mind is: "It's raining so heavily, why don't you wait until the rain stops before going home? I poured water for you, go and have a drink to warm yourself up."
But what you blurt out is: "Everyone follows You told me to bring an umbrella, but you didn’t listen, and you deserved it.”
’s thoughts and actual expressions were completely different, which led to conflicts between the two people.
Psychologically, it is believed:
In an intimate relationship, a person's heart longs for care, concern and comfort from his parents and lover; however, he does not want to show weakness to the other person and wants to show off his strength.
Behind "reporting good things but not bad things" actually has a similar meaning.
If they tell their family members that they are not doing well, they are worried that they will look down upon them; so they would rather lie than pretend that they are living a good life.
Teacher Zhou Guoping said: "It is instinct to be picky about people close to you, but overcoming instinct and not being picky about people close to you is a kind of education."
In life, many people cannot control their emotions, and it is easy to Bring your worst, your most violent emotions into your home.
As everyone knows, the bad tempers between family members are the most hurtful.
Perhaps, one of your unguarded words left unforgettable sadness for your parents or loved ones.
In an intimate relationship, learning to express one's emotions and expressing one's feelings is something that everyone needs to learn.
If a person has a bad attitude towards his parents and lover, then how can you expect him to treat you well? People like
are often unreliable.
Today’s topic:
Do you think why a person leaves his worst temper to his family?
(Article picture source network)
