text/Zhang Xiaonuan
Do you believe that there is such a thing as "love the house and Wu" in the marriage relationship?
Two days ago, my best friend Alan asked me: Xiaonuan, do you believe that there is such a thing as "love the house and Wu" in marriage?
Me: Be specific.
Alan: You love your husband very much, so you will love her parents because you love your husband.
tell the truth, I can't do it if I don't believe it.
Whether it is a daughter-in-law, mother-in-law or father-in-law, son-in-law and father-in-law or mother-in-law, has no blood relationship relatives, if they want to live together peacefully for a long time, they rely on mutual benefit, or do not disturb each other.
What's more, you have to love someone more to be able to "love the house and Wu".
The reality is that the essence of life is chicken feathers, can you guarantee that your love for your partner will last forever in a life full of chicken feathers? In many cases, it is not possible, so what about "love the house and the Wu"?
In my opinion, the "love of the house and the black" in the marriage relationship is such a ridiculous thing. If there is no mutual benefit between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is the best choice not to disturb each other.
01
On the afternoon of the day before yesterday, Alan and Alan's husband had dinner together. Alan said: Celebrate that they have spent seven years safely and escaped the curse of the seven-year itch.
Alan's husband joked: It's not even 12 o'clock, and it will be a full 7 years after the early morning, and it will be considered safe. What
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000 What I never expected was that Alan's husband's words came true within two hours after the dinner and the group broke up, and the two had a world war.
The fuse is Alan's mother-in-law.
When Alan and her husband returned home, they saw that her mother-in-law was feeding her 6-year-old son again, and she became furious. Alan said that since her mother-in-law moved from her hometown to live with her, she taught her son's self-care ability, all of which have been reduced to zero.
Dressing by himself, eating by himself, wiping his butt by himself, and arranging his own toys, all of these sons used to be able to, but not all of them now.
Regarding this issue, Alan negotiated with her mother-in-law several times.
While Alan was in the process of regulating his emotions, something even more exasperating happened.
Alan is washing dishes in the kitchen, and her husband is ready to mop the floor. As a result, my husband just picked up the mop , and the mother-in-law quickly grabbed the mop and said: mom is here to mop the floor, you have worked hard all day, so hurry up and rest.
Husband took advantage of Ge You to lie down and started playing games.
Alan couldn't hold back his anger any longer. He shattered a bowl, walked out of the kitchen, and said to his mother-in-law what he had been suppressing for a long time: Mom, you are enough, you see what you are used to them both. ? If you can accompany them all your life, you can get used to it, but the problem is you can't. It's been 3 years, since you moved into this house, our life has been messed up by you.
When Alan's husband saw this, he was also very annoyed, and the two had a big fight.
Mother-in-law thinks: I love my son, is it wrong?
Husband thinks: My mother loves my hard work, is it wrong? Co-authored by
In the end, everyone thought it was Alan's fault.
Before her mother-in-law came into their lives, Alan's family of three lived in harmony.
When Alan cooks, his husband will definitely wash the dishes consciously; when Alan cleans, his husband will help him; his son is also very obedient, he eats his own meals, learns to wear clothes by himself, and learns to clean up his own toys.
But since my mother-in-law moved into their house, slowly, everything has changed. The mother-in-law can't see her son doing a little housework. She likes to watch her son Ge You lie down and spoil her son as a mother's treasure.The same is true for grandchildren. I do everything by myself. If I can let my grandson lie down, I won't let my grandson stand.
Alan once said helplessly: Xiaonuan, you know what, I'm afraid, if this goes on, my mother-in-law will leave me two burdens, two burdens, and she can't accompany her son and grandson for the rest of her life, It will be me who will suffer and suffer in the future. I am just a woman. I don’t want to bear the rest of my life. I am too tired.
I can feel that Alan's helplessness, because of her mother-in-law's actions, has seriously affected the normal life of Alan's family of three.
In married life, if the mother-in-law continues to cross the line, there will inevitably be conflicts. When there are conflicts, the original harmony will be disrupted.
02
I have heard the most positive sentence about the three views of marriage: I quit my home, you should quit your home, we form a new family, not I quit my home to integrate into your home.
Only by withdrawing from each other and letting go of the elders is it conducive to the growth of a small family.
And when Alan communicated with her mother-in-law about whether she could go back to her hometown and leave the space and for them, Alan's mother-in-law was very stubborn, and the reason was quite simple and rude: I couldn't watch my son get tired. Do housework. Contradiction like
broke out, and communication and mediation have been going on and on for three years, and there has been no solution.
The mother-in-law's unbounded intervention and the husband's inaction in the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law forced Alan to endure for three years.
Alan came to me yesterday, and her decision surprised me.
She asked me to help me find a divorce agreement on the Internet. I said, is this the only way to solve it?
Alan:
If my mother-in-law insists on continuing to interfere with our lives, I will divorce this marriage.My son is still so young, and now he has bad problems. My husband is already in his thirties, but he has become a mother's treasure. I can't ruin the second half of my life because of my mother-in-law's ignorance. In these days, whoever dares to fight can gain a firm foothold.
I was thinking, what would I do if I had a mother-in-law like this? Maybe I won't endure it for three years, maybe I will find a way to deal with it at the beginning, or I may use a more extreme way than Alan.
Not only Alan, but many sisters around me who live with my in-laws will encounter this situation: I don't care whether my daughter-in-law is tired or not, my son can't be tired anyway.
Some time ago, I read Grandma Hengzi's "Worthy of the World", there is an article about parent-child relationship , I want to share it with you:
Don't hinder others from being independent, if you take full control, growth will stop.
You must know that since it is a parent-child relationship, the bond between you will not be broken.
Such ties are like bridges in my opinion. The wheels of life of parents and children, although heading in different life directions, due to the existence of bridges, you can come and go at any time.
In any case, since children have started their own lives, parents should not rush in.
is clearly aware of this, and there is basically no trouble in the parent-child relationship.
On the contrary, if parents break into the world of adult children without any hesitation, all kinds of conflicts will arise, especially conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Grandma Hengzi and her eldest son live in the same community, but except for the weekend when the family sits and eats together, at other times, Grandma Hengzi will not intervene in her son's life.
For more than 20 years, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been very harmonious, and there has been no blushing.
Grandma Hengzi wrote in the book:
If they invite me over for dinner, I will say "Ok, thank you" to interrupt; if they don't invite me to dinner, but send the cooked meal, I will from the bottom of my heart Be very grateful, say to them: Thank you.
Since the child's life track has been separated from his own, we can rely on the bridge of parent-child relationship to communicate, and try not to board this bridge frequently.
03
My marriage age is not too long, only two years.
Since I got married, my biggest feeling is: The sense of boundaries in family relationships is really important, especially the sense of boundaries between daughters-in-law and in-laws.
My husband's family is quite special. My mother-in-law passed away very early, and my father-in-law has always been by my husband's side. People in their fifties have been spoiled by my husband as a child. At the beginning of
, I think my husband is very filial and worthy of marriage.
But only after we got married did I realize that filial piety is also a double-edged sword. Once one party overdoes it, it will either be a blow or a harm to the other party.
When I first started falling in love with my husband, I didn't care too much about the existence of a father-in-law, and I didn't think about my future life with this father-in-law.
I don't care about anything but love. But after getting married, I found that it was very inconvenient to live with my father-in-law.
For example, other people can go home from get off work, take off their underwear and wear pajamas, and sit in the living room sofa to watch TV, but I can’t; for example, if I wash my underwear, I am embarrassed to hang it on the balcony, but only in the bedroom; another example, occasionally and My husband should be romantic, but also consider the existence of my father-in-law.......
However, my father-in-law is not a person with high emotional intelligence. All have a little space of their own.
It is not my father-in-law but my husband that makes me more embarrassed.
Regarding the matter of "can my father-in-law leave us space", whenever I bring it up, my husband will strongly object to it, and sometimes even strongly think that I have to rush my father-in-law back to my hometown.
I always argue with my husband for this reason: You can't always consider your dad's feelings. Now that three people live together, isn't my feeling important to you?
Every time I talk about this, my husband will think sadly of her mother who passed away, and she wants to make up for her father's debt to her mother.
And every time I see my husband sad and sad, I will compromise, and then continue to live with my father-in-law, drifting away from my so-called "space", maybe one day it will disappear.
Live, it's always easy to live for yourself, the hard part is that you have to learn to live for others.
The growth that marriage brings to you is not as simple as the struggle in society.
However, I can't guarantee that I will always compromise like this. One day, I may be like Alan, and I will explode. Author: Zhang Xiaonuan
