Article summary:
1. People who are prone to nervousness are often treated harshly by their parents or other people when they were young. Now they are nervous because the relationship between the characters has awakened the emotional feelings of childhood.
2. People who are easy to be nervous, speak very fast when speaking, this kind of speed is to escape, avoid themselves, and avoid others, to prevent being found nervous, but as everyone knows, this way of speaking will make their own interpersonal relationships It becomes very bad.
3. We live in our inner self. This is called the "inner child" in psychology. In many cases, it is this "inner child" that determines our emotional response and how we get along with others the way.
It’s easy to get nervous. This is a problem that many people will encounter. Is there a solution to this problem? There is a solution, but we need to understand the problem first. This is like solving a math problem. We need to understand its meaning and what it is expressing.
There are no emotions for no reason. They are all expressing. After understanding what it is expressing, it will stop. This is the most effective way to solve many psychological problems, and this is no exception.
Next, let’s look at the emotion of tension, what does it express?
1. People who are prone to nervousness have been treated harshly when they were young
Psychoanalytic psychology believes that we will internalize the way our caregiver treats us when we were young, subconsciously, and grow up, even if it is The supporter is not with us, even if we can no longer rely on others, we will feel that someone will demand us harshly.
For example, the following example in psychological counseling:
The visitor Zhang An (pseudonym), he is in his thirties and works in logistics for a company. He said that he was originally engaged in technology, but he was easily nervous.
clearly knows where there is a problem and what to do,But when you get started, it just doesn't work, especially when someone is watching him operate, he gets nervous.
So he asked the leader to transfer him. He also said that he was very nervous when meeting the leader. He didn't dare to look at them directly. When working with colleagues who were better than himself, he would also be nervous and uneasy.
This situation of the visitor Zhang An, we have a detailed analysis in the psychology column "Live Yourself Psychology Class 100 Lectures", which mentioned that if a person has a bad relationship with his father, Being treated harshly by his father, he may be easily nervous when he grows up. At the same time, he will not compete and cooperate with others, and his ability to socialize is relatively weak.
Visitor Zhang An also confirmed this point. He said that when he was in school, he was nervous when he met the teacher, especially the male teacher. Now he joined the work and met the leader, as well as some colleagues. Kind of situation.
Zhang An recalled that his father was very strict and fierce, and he always felt that his father didn't like him, his father liked his brother, because his brother was better than him in all aspects, he was just a foil for his brother.
The image of the father, the relationship between himself and his father has penetrated into his subconscious, and now he has grown up, but he still feels that his father is by his side, supervising himself, and always looks down on himself.
He has internalized the relationship model of getting along with his father into his heart, and now he will project this relationship model to when he gets along with others, subconsciously, he feels that others are like his own father.
has high demands on himself, and he can't accomplish it by himself, so he always feels that others will belittle him and look down on him, so he will be particularly nervous when doing things and seeing people.
Of course, we have to say here, if in the native family, the mother and child are more powerful and controlled when they get along, then the child will become easily nervous when they grow up.
2. To change the tense personality, two things need to be done
A tense person, he cannot accommodate himself, accommodate his emotions, accommodate himself in case of bad results,He felt that he was on a cliff, and if he didn't do well, he would fall, but everyone knew that this was not the truth.
But in a person who is easily nervous, in his subconscious, that's what he thinks. He can't accept himself consciously, he feels that he is not good, and he can't do it. He suppressed such thoughts into the subconscious.
So what should we do now?
The first point: Be our own parents and accommodate our emotions
We need to be our own parents and accommodate ourselves. We do not accept ourselves now, cannot accommodate our emotions, feelings, and cannot accept what we do It is not good, often because in the early years of our growth, the caregiver did not accept us, did not accommodate our unbearable emotions and feelings.
In the process of children’s growth, parents are the children’s containers. They need to accommodate the children’s emotions and feelings, support and protect them, and then slowly, the children will internalize the parent container into their hearts, and they can do it themselves My own container supports and protects myself.
For example, Xiao Ming was building blocks, but he was very frustrated and couldn't do it anyway. So Xiao Ming sat on the ground and cried. At this time, Xiao Ming's father came over and comforted Xiao Ming.
said that he knows that Xiao Ming is uncomfortable, and his father can accompany him to get it together. In this process, his father is like a container, accepting Xiao Ming and supporting Xiao Ming.
At this time, Xiao Ming becomes at ease. When a person's heart is at ease, his emotions will not hold a person, his intelligence will occupy the uppermost point, and he will be more likely to get things done.
Maybe we are not the former Xiao Ming, so what do we do now? We can only try to be our own parents, give ourselves patience, and tolerate and support ourselves in small things first.
The second point: slower when speaking and doing things
When doing something unsuccessfully,When you are nervous or frustrated, take a deep breath, tell yourself, give yourself a hint, it’s okay, take it slow, fail, it’s okay.
Take your time, this is a higher level of wisdom. In many cases, where there is fast, there are people who escape, and people who are nervous are easy to complete quickly.
You might as well try to be slower, slower when speaking, slower when doing things, feel your emotions, and try to understand yourself.
When you slow down, the "tension" can be realized, you can be paid attention to, and the distance between you and the "tension" itself can be set apart, and you can recognize it like a bystander , To tolerate it, at this time you will find that you have become less nervous, and you have separated the "tension" from you.
This is how we change tension. In fact, this method is very practical. In the psychology column "Live Yourself Psychology 100 Lectures", we did an analysis.
For example, people who speak faster, people who are easily anxious when doing things, and people who have poor interpersonal relationships can all be slower in a certain action, such as speaking slowly.
To be slower is to give yourself a circuitous and tossing space, that is, not to force yourself. In this way, a person will relax, it will be easier to focus on things, and it will be easier to do things well and get along with others. At that time, it is easier to make others feel sincere.
Well, the above is what we talked about as "people who are easy to be nervous, they have this experience when they were young, change can do this" content, let's briefly summarize below.
People who are prone to nervousness have had this experience when they were young. Change can be done as follows:
1. People who are prone to nervousness often have the experience of being severely treated by their parents or other adults when they were young. The experience entered their subconscious, and the current situation awakened their subconscious feelings.
2. We will internalize the experience of getting along with parents and other supporters as our internal relationship model.When we grow up, we will project this relationship pattern to build relationships with others. Therefore, people who were nervous before their parents or other adults when they were young will be more likely to be nervous when they grow up.
3. The best way to change tension is to slow down. Try to slow down when speaking and doing things, and be aware of your tension. At this time, your subject will be separated from the emotion of tension, and you will become uncomfortable. tension.
Okay, the above is the content of our class. If you have any questions about the above content, or want to learn more about this kind of psychology, you can check the psychology column "Live Your Own Psychology 100" below. Talk", today's content can be regarded as one of the sections, see you in the next section!
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