Hello everyone, I am Hu Junli.
Family education entrepreneur who accompanys mothers to raise their children scientifically.
※ In addition to original articles, 3 study notes are selected every day.
Learning notes come from: books, official accounts, Zhihu, Weibo, paid communities, group chats, circle of friends, etc., which do not represent personal opinions, and do not know the original source, so most of them do not indicate where they are excerpted and deleted if they are infringed.
This is the 344th study note: Avoiding conflicts.
is the main text of the study notes.
1, brightness of self-nature
Open yourself in relaxation, bright and breathable inside, keep open to the outside world, be polite and not compete, but stick to the principles.
Slowly let yourself accumulate and form, and your own nature is bright.
- Rigo "Things of the Heart"
2, let the child be responsible for himself
I hope that the child will be able and consciously responsible for his life after he becomes an adult.
As a parent, I don’t care about him in everything, and I don’t have unlimited liability to him.
What you said here is nothing, the two layers of meaning.
First, don’t make decisions for him. On the premise of abiding by laws and regulations, he has his own freedom in what he does.
will not limit it without boundaries.
Second, he does not take care of him in every possible way.
When he becomes an adult, he must be responsible for his own affairs.
Can't pin your hope on me.
I hope he becomes an independent person.
Economically independent, spiritually independent, and ideologically independent.
He is a person, he is not an attachment to me.
3, avoid conflicts
Middle-class families are more and more exquisite and useless children.
Because this kind of family is for the comfort of children, to be precise, for the emotional value of home [the best for children], and accurately avoids or weakens the most important part of social competition intentionally or unintentionally. The link
is: conflict.
This conflict is not about going out to fight, but about being able to practice Tai Chi with reasonable grounds and defending yourself without any psychological pressure when your position or interests are different from the other party.
If necessary, you can tear it out, and there must be a strategic tear.
A child who is afraid of conflict, no matter how beautiful the resume is, he will not be able to do anything, and he cannot even keep his family business.
Because for this fear, he can sacrifice great interests to avoid conflict, and conflict is actually the norm in social interaction.
This is like bribing Qin with earth, but there are a lot of [Qin] here.
Avoiding conflict is a relatively prominent link in our current education.
Parents or elders who have children believe that conflict is a bad thing. On the one hand, they try their best to avoid conflicts between children;
On the other hand, when the child inevitably has conflicts with other friends, they rush forward immediately, either help or rescue them, resulting in the child not yet understanding the situation and reacting to how to deal with it, the conflict is destroyed or resolved. The child has neither the opportunity to experience the setbacks brought by the conflict nor the opportunity to learn how to deal with the conflict.
