text丨Fulin Mommy
At 4:30 pm, Zhao Ran waited at his daughter's school gate as usual, picking up her daughter, who was in the third grade of elementary school, from school.
The school ringtone rang, and the school gate became lively in an instant. Most of the children were surrounded by, talking and laughing, and saying goodbye to each other. But my daughter walked out of campus alone, lowered her head and did not say hello to her classmates. Similarly, no classmates greeted her.
It seems like my daughter is like this every day.
Zhao Ran has always been wondering why other children can play together, and their children are not sociable. How can they make their children have a good popularity?
Zhao Ran felt that this was caused by his daughter's introverted personality.
Introverted children do not like to deal with people very much, and this will happen. As long as the children are comfortable, there is nothing wrong with it.
But she saw a parenting expert in the morning saying that in school, children without friends are most likely to be violent on campus. She was afraid that the child would be isolated by other children, and she was also afraid that the child actually wanted to integrate into the students in her heart, but she didn't know how to do it.
Zhao Ran picked up his daughter and rushed to take the subway. He also had to go to his grandmother's house tonight.
She didn't talk to her daughter about this issue immediately, thinking about taking it slowly, after all, it's not a matter of overnight letting an introverted child change his personality.
At this time, an old man in his 60s on the side of the road stopped Zhao Ran and asked for directions, but Zhao Ran was not very clear about where the old man was going to go, so he said, "I'm sorry, I don't know either." Then he pulled his daughter away in a hurry.
After walking over, the daughter whispered, "Mom, don't you have a map on your phone? I remember that you always check the map when you took me to play. Then you knew how to go. The grandfather asked for directions just now..."
"We have too tight time, so it's too troublesome to help him check the map." Zhao Ran said.
After saying that, Zhao Ran was suddenly stunned.
When did she become so cold? Is her doing this in front of her children also affecting her children and making them indifferent to others?
Then she began to think about it.
is actually not just this time. I always live with the mentality of "it's better to have less than more things".
She feels that her daughter has no friends at school and is not very popular, so why isn’t she?
rarely moves between the neighborhood and the neighborhood. I have lived in the community for many years. There are not many neighbors who are familiar with each other, and there are very few good relationships.
She doesn't like to bother others, nor does she like to take the initiative to get close to others, nor does she want others to bother herself, and she is too self-reliant. Although there is nothing wrong with it, this will also have some problems. For example, directly leads to my daughter not having a good playmate in the community.
Every day after school, my daughter can only watch TV at home except for doing her homework.
Sometimes, the daughter will be attracted by the playful sounds of the children downstairs, and she lies quietly by the window in a daze, with both expectation and envy in her eyes and a little helpless.
Zhao Ran thought again that in the unit, she was also a gentlemanly friend with her colleagues. If any colleague asked her for help, she would refuse in most cases. Over time, fewer and fewer people would take the initiative to find her.
Not only that, she also instilled this mentality into her daughter: "Just manage yourself well, and less interfere with other people's affairs."
Zhao Ran felt that she had done something wrong, She was using adult social rules to educate her children. Why children seem unsociable in school may not be because the children are introverted, but because of their usual behavior, which makes the children not know how to get along with others.
If we are directly rejected by seeking help from others, then the possibility of establishing a good relationship with this person in the future will be very small. We all like to be with warm-hearted people because such people will not give people a sense of distance. This is true for adults, let alone children.
Zhao Ran told her daughter whether it was verbal education or her own actions: "Don't get too close to others to avoid trouble." Perhaps she was used to this state and did not realize how much impact she had on her daughter.
Nowadays, many parents always shout to let their children learn to share.
In fact, sharing is a kind of "heart-heartedness". Share your toys with other children to play with, and everyone can feel the happiness together. Such children will naturally have a good reputation.
The child has not learned this from his mother since childhood. The mother she sees is always avoiding "trouble", so when she enters a new environment, she doesn't know how to establish a good and intimate relationship with others.
When someone borrows a pencil from her, she may think, "She borrowed it, will she return it to me?"
When someone wants to taste her snacks, she may think, "That's it, I'll leave it after she eats it."
When not When a person wants to play with her toys, she may think: "What if the toy is broken?"
Similarly, she will not borrow other people's things, will not ask others for help, and will not take the initiative to cooperate with others...
If this continues, the friends around her will have children until the children cannot integrate into the circle of their peers.
So, it’s still the same thing. If you want your child to grow up, parents must first become that person.
is like the little thing mentioned above about asking for directions. If mother Zhao Ran can patiently and enthusiastically help the elderly check the map, then the signals her daughter receives will definitely be different, and then her way of getting along with others will also change a lot.
