text | Yingma
child's growth requires the affirmation of parents and the praise of parents, but if the praise of parents is and talks loudly, will harm the child!
For example, when your child gets 100 points in the exam, many parents will subconsciously praise their children for being "great" or give them some material rewards.
Little do you know that the child’s test scores are good, and parents just praise it for “great”, not encouraging the child, but harming the child!
praises the child for being "great", which will lead to three wrong perceptions of the child, which will harm the child
The first one: rely on external evaluation
For example, giving children material rewards, or praising the child for being great, will make the child feel that only others have to affirm this matter!
In fact, we only know when we come out to work that our often does the right thing, and the leader will not say anything, but if we do something wrong, we will be criticized . If you always feel that the leader should praise you when doing the right thing, then it will be difficult for you to get praise and you will feel useless.
Second: Thinking is easy to solidify
When the child gets 100 points, parents praise the child for being "great", which will make the child feel: I am so smart, I am so powerful, The reason why I can get 100 points is because I am born smart!
When the child finds that he can’t do some questions in the next exam, he will think that I am so smart that I can’t do this question, which means that this question is too difficult!
When children encounter difficulties, they do not think about breaking through, but think about "I can't do it", and is easy to retreat.
The third one: result orientation
I only get 100 points in the exam, which is the best. If I don’t get 100 points in the exam, it means that the exam is of no value, which will make the child very utilitarian and everything is results-oriented.
This is actually not very beneficial for children to learn knowledge. Children are prone to to take advantage of !
Tang Wen, a master of education at Arizona State University in the United States, mentioned the correct way to praise children using the "three praises" formula in her book "Emotional Intelligence Course".
"Three praises" refers to praising children's attitude, praising children's efforts, and praising children's progress.
When the child gets 100 points, parents can praise it like this to encourage it.
★Praise attitude
You listen to the teacher's lectures very carefully during class, so you have a solid grasp of the basics. You also carefully review the questions and write each question carefully during the exam. can get the full score, which is the best reward for you to study hard and take the exam seriously.
★Praise hard work
This exam can get full marks, which means that you listen carefully in class, complete the homework assigned by the teacher carefully, and do a lot of exercises, overcome many problems, and the full marks in the exam are the result of your hard work.
★Praise progress
Before the exam, they were more than 80 points and more than 90 points. This time they were able to get 100 points, and their grades have made great progress. Mom and Dad are really proud of you!
The child who praises it with the "three praises" formula will make the child have higher emotional intelligence
●Let the child know that attitude and choice are important
If you want to have good results, you must first have a correct attitude, and the attitude is chosen by yourself, and your choice can determine the result of things!
This way, the child can know how to solve the problem when encountering things, rather than complaining about the world and .
●Let the child understand that progress can be made through hard work
If we praise the child for being so good, the child will think that I am great and everything I do is great.
If I can't do it well, it means that this thing is wrong and is not suitable for me to do it.
But if you praise your child for his efforts, you will let the child know that efforts are that can change the results. If it is not good at the moment, then you can overcome it through hard work.
●The process is very important
Let children know that The process of learning knowledge is more important than the results of the exam. can allow children to focus their main energy on the process of learning knowledge. If children study hard and take exams seriously, they will naturally have better results!
praises children with the "three praises" formula, which can improve children's emotional intelligence and make children more promising in the future.
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