"Be good" is not a compliment to girls, but a bondage, shackle and binding.
family has a daughter. The best way to raise her is to let her live the way she wants.
Author | Xiaoyuma
That year, my daughter was 6 years old.
During National Day, relatives brought their children to my house to play.
The little boy was about five years old. He was naughty and he broke my daughter's favorite Transformers as soon as he came up.
My daughter came to complain to me. For my face, I told my daughter without thinking:
"You are the little master of the family, and your younger brother is a guest. If the things are broken, it will be broken. It's no big deal."
Relatives also spoke aside:
"Yes, it doesn't matter. Besides, how can girls like Transformers?"
My daughter's eyes turned red in an instant. Seeing that I didn't say anything, I didn't dare to speak again.
Before going to bed, the house was in a mess. I asked my daughter to clean up the room before going to bed. My daughter was dissatisfied:
"My brother was also involved in the trouble, why can he not accept it?"
My eyes widened:
"I have already said that my brother is a guest!"
My daughter was angry when she saw me, so she had to start cleaning up the toys silently.
The children of relatives crossed their legs while eating potato chips and watching TV - potato chips kept falling to the ground.
My daughter opened her mouth several times, looked at me again, and held back the words on her lips.
When my daughter was 10 years old, she was in the fourth grade of elementary school.
One day she went home crying, with a colorful look on her face.
She felt wronged when she got home, and told me in grievance that her classmates stole her rubber and bullied her in various ways.
I happened to be criticized by my leader that day. When I saw my daughter's timid look, I was furious:
"Why did he just rob you of you, not others?"
"Okay, okay, don't cry, do your homework, as long as you have good academic performance, no one dares to bully you in the future!"
My daughter looked at me in surprise. She didn't understand why she was bullied, and her mother had to get such a big temper. Is
something I did wrong?
From then on, I never heard my daughter talk about school to me again.
Since then, the innocence and smile that children should have on my daughter's face slowly disappeared.
She started to become a little hunched when she walked, and became even more silent.
This silence reached its peak when my daughter was 15 years old.
I feel lucky because the little girl in front of me no longer has so many problems as before.
In the eyes of outsiders, she has excellent character and academic performance, and is a very well-educated and good girl.
At school, she always works hard to help teachers and classmates do all kinds of things.
She also manages her life in an orderly manner:
Get up on time every day to read morning, go to school, and go home, and I will never need to pick me up again.
She no longer chattered and talked about her happiness and worries like she did when she was a child.
She won't cry to me anymore.
I am deeply relieved. After more than ten years of adoptive daughter, she finally grew up, became sensible, and became independent.
When my daughter was 18 years old, she was admitted to a prestigious university in a distant city.
Before the college entrance examination, I tried my best to persuade my daughter to stay in the province, but she still chose a school in another place.
Although I feel a little disappointed, I just feel that the child’s wings are hard and he always wants to fly.
Before leaving, I still told my daughter in every way that it is a blessing to suffer losses. It is so far away from home that I must have a good relationship with my classmates.
In college, my daughter is also the one with the best temper in the dormitory.
When organizing the housework, she not only does her own part, but also helps her roommate clean up the bed. On weekdays, she also helps her classmates make food and carry water bottles.
One year she participated in a creative proposal competition, and the girl in the same dormitory stole her creativity and won the first place.
My daughter knew about it and still didn't lose her temper.
She just studied day and night, hoping that these bad things can be automatically filtered.
But later, she found out that her boyfriend was walking with the girl who stole her creativity.
The kind daughter was inexplicably broken up.
During that time, she was silent and cried, but she was still reflecting on herself.
"It must be because I didn't do well enough that they treated me like this."
22 years old, my daughter just started working and fell in love with a boy. I heard about
from others.
They said that they saw their daughter and the boy eating skewers talking and laughing at the street stall. The two of them were holding hands and very close.
You should never underestimate the gossip ability of relatives and friends - the boy's background was soon placed in front of me:
The boy is a single-parent family, his father passed away early, and his mother took him to live alone.
My mother is a teacher in a middle school and has an old and dilapidated house at home.
The boy has no fixed job and occasionally earns some extra money by playing games.
After I knew it, I instinctively disagreed, but my daughter had a big fight with me about it and was determined to be with the boy.
When my daughter was 24 years old, she married the boy and soon gave birth to a baby. The days after
were indeed as messy as I expected.
The boy changed his previous gentleness and thoughtfulness, was addicted to games all day long, and ignored his children.
The wedding house that my mother-in-law originally promised to buy has been nowhere to go.
Seeing that my daughter is easy to bully, my mother-in-law often interferes in various problems in her daughter's life in the name of looking at her children.
And my daughter has never cared about these things.
Because before she got married, I told her: Getting married is a family, don’t care about who does more and who does less, when you go to your in-laws’ family, you must be sensible, have eyesight, and take good care of your family.
So, the daughter I held in my hand could only live in a rental house, guarding her husband who was not doing her job all day long, and facing her mother-in-law's sarcasm.
Once I went to see her, and as soon as I entered the door, I saw my daughter feeding the child with a unkempt face. The child cried loudly. The daughter hurriedly went to get a tissue, and then accidentally splashed the food on the table.
days, the mother and daughter, only one vegetable soup , and a plate of eggplant with a little meat foam.
I rushed into the house and accused her of heartache and anger:
"Look at you, I had to marry him, look at what you are now!"
Daughter was also angry,
"You don't have to worry about what I live like, let's talk about it, I live like this today, it's not your fault!"
This sentence from my daughter was like a huge stone that smashed a big hole in my heart.
I'm hurting, how is it possible?
The mother who is in the day loves her daughter is too late, how could she harm her?
That night, I had insomnia.
When my mind was in a daze, the past time was clearly connected in my mind bit by bit. Only then did I realize clearly and painfully:
My daughter's current situation was really caused by me.
At several key nodes that should have taught her daughter to be "rigid", I taught her to swallow her anger.
6-year-old concession, I taught her to give up her initiative;
10-year-old roar, I taught her to turn everything inward, attribute , and let her learn to bear everything herself;
18-year-old instructions, I asked her to sacrifice her feelings and become a good old man without principles.
I taught her to take care of other people's feelings since I was a child, but she made her forget that the person she should love the most was herself.
I have told her to be tolerant since I was a child, but others have repeatedly violated her bottom line.
My daughter, who has been excellent and sensible since she was a child, was afraid of stepping on a ant when she walked, but she did not live the happy life I imagined for her.
Finally, with my insistence, my daughter moved back to her hometown with her children.
I told my son-in-law that your family belongs to you and your life is still alive. You can think clearly.
I used my years of savings and my wife's pension to buy a small two-bedroom apartment for my daughter. On weekdays, I live there to take care of the mother and mother.
I tried my best to compensate her, cook delicious food for her, and encourage her to revive her.
It's just many nights that I'd hear the dull and depressing crying from my daughter's room next door, which made my heart cut.
I have thought more than once that if time could be repeated, I would not want to raise a well-educated and well-behaved child again.
html When I was 36 years old, my daughter's toy was broken by my nephew. I would go over and hug my daughter and tell her that you can ask them to buy another one for you.
I will tell her gentle and firmly,
"Girls can also like Transformers. No one can define you except yourself. If others ruin your things, they should compensate you. This is the right you should enjoy."
10 years old, a classmate bullied her. I should ask clearly the reason for the matter and go to school to argue for my daughter.
I will tell her:
"It is not your fault to be bullied. If you feel that you have been offended, you should tell the teacher or fight back hard."
18 years old, my daughter left home and started a strange life. I should tell her that you should be kind, but you must not be too kind. When necessary, you must learn to show your minions.
html When I got married at the age of 324, I should tell her that everyone in the family has the obligations and responsibilities to pay, and don’t bear any problems silently.
If I did this at the beginning, my daughter would not have become a sheep at slaughter.
There will not be so many grievances, setbacks, disappointments and unwillingness in her life.
So for many years after that, she will always be full of enthusiasm when walking in the crowd. No matter how the years change, she still has light in her eyes...
If time can go back, I would rather use all my strength to exchange for my daughter's "disobedient" life.
This is also my deepest understanding, a mother who has gone through many detours in education and regretted it in the end.
So, if you have a daughter, please tell her that you don’t have to be too educated, you can have your own personality and sharpness.
You don’t have to compromise everything, you should live a comfortable and happy life.
Because you are free, and we will love you unconditionally forever.
