Text | Ningma Wuyu A sophomore girl in high school asked for help: My mother always wants to control me and educate me. What should I do? It turns out that my mother has always wanted to understand her life from beginning to end, hoping to know what she is doing at every time of

Text | Ningma Wuyu

A high school sophomore girl asked for help: My mother always wants to control me and educate me. What should I do?

It turns out that my mother has always wanted to understand her life from beginning to end, hoping to know what she is doing at every time point every day, and to control her behavior, expressions, choices, and daily routine.

If a girl resists, her mother either blames her or scolds her while crying. If the mother is unhappy, the girl will feel distressed, so she can only endure it. However, he was unable to get rid of his mother's control over him, which was very depressing and painful.

I am very grateful that she can speak her true feelings. I seem to see myself, and I will unconsciously use this method to treat my children. We feel that children are ignorant and do not understand their parents. In fact, children should also be suffering.

We are doing it for the good of our children, but improper communication methods can harm children and cause unnecessary misunderstandings. When children reach adolescence, they are actually most disgusted with their parents doing these four things. If we do all of them, the children will be particularly rebellious.

Distrust of children

When a girl goes out of the room to pour water, her mother will ask seriously, "Come, tell me what you just did, what you did this morning, and what you plan to do tonight?" Knowing the answer is not the end. , we need to get to the bottom of things and know what we are doing at every point in time.

In fact, this is because parents do not trust their children and do not believe that their children can arrange their own affairs in an orderly manner. They think that when their children are in the room, they just play with their mobile phones, sleep, be in a daze, and do things that have nothing to do with learning.

My child is already in his second year of high school and has already learned to make plans independently and knows what he wants. We always want to know about their arrangements, which will make them feel violated, "I am so old, and you treat me like a child, and I have to report to you!"

Children may also engage in dishonest behavior , for example, he will not study all the time, but will also arrange some entertainment time, but he does not want his parents to know because he is afraid of being reprimanded. I had to pretend that I had arranged a lot of study tasks and fill all my time with studying. What plan he actually executed is impossible for us to follow all the way.

Therefore, understanding the child's arrangements and engaging in self-satisfaction ruins the child's mentality. It is better to just grasp the general direction and trust him to arrange his life.

Not satisfied with the child

The girl’s head is a little crooked, resulting in high and low shoulders. When he goes out with his mother, her mother will complain about his shoulder problem. When she is at home, she always corrects her movements. The problem of

is not the fault of the child. It should be a problem that has been formed since childhood. With such a long period of accumulation, it cannot be improved in a short period of time.

Adolescent children are already particularly concerned about personal image issues, and are most afraid of others making irresponsible remarks about their bodies. Mother's deliberate emphasis will make children more anxious and inferior. Children need understanding and help, not correction and blame.

A girl sometimes has a straight face, but her mother is dissatisfied and asks her to smile, be optimistic and cheerful, and be good for her health.

We all want our children to be happy, but children also have emotions, and their ability to regulate emotions is relatively poor. When they encounter some things, they will write it on their faces unabashedly. We want our children to be happy, but we cannot force them to be happy.

When a child's expression is wrong, it is precisely when he needs the most care. We should understand the reason behind it and help the child solve it together. Rather than forcing the child to smile with a sullen face. Even if the problem cannot be solved, the child can be infected by giving him a hug or a smile.

makes the decision for the children

When decorating the house, the girl likes the cold Nordic style, but the mother feels that it is not bright enough and wants the child's room to be gentle and comfortable.

It is said that in the third generation, parents and children live in different living environments, are exposed to different information, and naturally have different preferences. Each style has its own uniqueness. It does not mean that if the color of the room is light, the child will not feel warm and comfortable. Only children who lead their own style will like it and enjoy the environment they live in.

If you force your children to stay in a room that you don't like, you can imagine how bad they will feel. If we like a certain decoration style but are criticized by others, we will not feel good about it.

Children in adolescence are a period when they have a particularly strong sense of autonomy. They want to make their own decisions, and they don’t like their parents to interfere in their own affairs.

’s son took apart a broken computer, glued all the parts to a base plate, put it into a picture frame, and hung it on the bedside. It didn’t look like it would match. But we praised him and thought he was very creative, and he was very happy.

In addition to the room decoration style, we should respect the child's clothes, hairstyle, and personal items, rather than criticizing him from the highest point.

Teaching truth to children

Every time a girl communicates with her mother, her mother will educate her and talk about her studies. She often tells her some unacceptable truths. For example, her mother asks her to memorize English when she wants to take a rest, and she is forbidden to put her mobile phone next to her when doing homework.

Mom’s starting point is good, but the method is wrong.

Children will only rest when they are tired. They no longer have the energy to study. If you force children to study, the effect will not be good.

Doing some memory work before going to bed is really helpful for learning. Because of scientific research, when sleeping, the brain's reaction speed is 20 times that of the day. If you read the text content once before going to bed, it will be repeated 20 times while sleeping, and it will be easier to remember the content after waking up.

You can tell your children this learning method in advance, and let them make plans by themselves, and arrange a period of time for reading or reciting before going to bed. After the children taste the benefits, they will consciously apply this method in the future.

When communicating with children, it is important to give them some suggestions in advance, rather than giving them big reasons when they don't want to communicate.

Regarding the relationship between homework and mobile phones, parents may worry that mobile phones will affect their children's homework. This also reflects the lack of self-discipline of parents, who may be affected by mobile phones while working. But from another perspective, if the child is doing homework even if his mobile phone is placed next to him, wouldn't it be easier to achieve self-discipline?

Reasoning with children and prohibiting their behavior can easily cause confrontation, and the children will deliberately do things we don't like. When you want to correct your child's behavior, don't rush to prohibit it, but express your feelings. "When you are doing homework, put your mobile phone next to me. I am worried that you will be distracted."

Without criticism and accusation, the child will be more It is easy to accept and will not be disgusted. Instead, it will reflect on and avoid some inappropriate behaviors.

is written at the end: When children reach adolescence, it is also a period of particularly intense academic work. We are full of high demands and high expectations for our children. We cannot stand some of their children's behaviors and always want to know more about them and correct them more. This just makes The child is disgusted and rebellious. The four behaviors mentioned above are the most disgusting behaviors for children. I hope parents can take this as a warning and get along well with their children.

I am @宁马武宇

A mother of two boys, with more than 10 years of parenting experience

Accompanying children in reading, English enlightenment, scientific enlightenment

Sharing parenting insights, practical parenting tips

Welcome to follow us, let’s move forward together on the road to parenting