A visitor asked:
5-year-old child is curious. When asking for answers and answers, his parents use "busy" as an excuse to be perfunctory. The child is lost. What attitude should parents take when facing the child's questions?
Xiao Ming (pseudonym) is 5 years old this year. He often has many questions in his mind. He wants to ask his mother, who often makes things perfunctory to the child because he is busy. The child is in a low mood and no longer communicates with his mother. Now his mother is very anxious and doesn't know what to do. She wants to ask her friends to do something for him. Heart Love Consultant Answer:
When you mentioned that the child asked questions because of curiosity, the mother used "busy" as an excuse and did things perfunctorily. What I particularly want to know is, what exactly is the mother avoiding using "busy" as an excuse? She is not able to answer her child’s questions, so she uses “busy” to cover up her inferiority complex? Or is she not caring about the child at all? Or does the mother vent her negative emotions that she cannot digest onto her child in an indifferent way? Of course there may be other possibilities.
In short, the child's closure and lack of communication with mothers are the mother's attitude towards the child back then. The mother's escape hit the child's self-esteem and curiosity, making him feel that he is not important or not good enough, and turns the inexpressible anger into a silent negative confrontation. In turn, the child’s negative confrontation strengthens the mother’s helplessness and anxiety. To put it bluntly, mothers are the root cause of the problem, and children are actually just manifestations of the symptoms of the problem.
In fact, the current confrontation of the child once again invites mothers to face the problems and responsibilities that they have been avoiding. As long as the mother's problem is solved, she will know how to interact with the child, and the child's confrontation will be alleviated or even eliminated.
So it will be a wise choice for mothers to find a professional psychological counselor for help. I don't think that if I give my mother a trick, her problem can be solved.
From the starting point of the mother's question, we can see that she mainly wants to find a way to deal with the confrontation of her children or hopes that the child will change but ignores her own problems. If she cannot realize that her child’s problems are mainly caused by herself, she is the one who really needs to change. Without reflection and adjustments from yourself, but just wanting a 5-year-old child to take on all the responsibilities of the problem, everything will become unrecognizable.
Curiosity is our nature and the best gift God has given us. is curious, which stimulates our interest and motivation to interact with people or the world outside of ourselves. This is growth. The response from the outside world to us will in turn help us understand ourselves and plan for the future career .
Parents can answer their children's curious questions in a timely manner, which not only allows the children to gain knowledge, but also allows them to gain this experience by themselves: "My questions have increased my knowledge, which is great. In the future, if I don't understand, I will ask a lot of knowledge." You see, you not only open up the child's desire for knowledge and enhance his interest, but also help him to affirm himself and establish his sense of security.
Your child has many questions, which may also be related to the mother's perfunctory behavior. The mother's disagreement caused confusion to the child. His question may be asking you for answers, which is a signal of his asking for help. In addition, because the mother avoids the child's problems, the child feels neglected or ignored, he hopes to attract the mother's attention by asking questions. Unfortunately, mothers are not able to cope with their children's curiosity and attention, nor are they able to establish connections with their children, causing serious psychological trauma to their children.
In fact, behind the child's resistance and closure is his hope to be seen by his mother, valued by his mother, and accepted by his mother. If the mother can give this part to the child, it is still very likely to change for a 5-year-old child.
——Teacher Zhao Huaimin
