Why do children become less adorable as they grow older? It’s like automatically turning on the “Archive Fire Skill” and saying a few more words to the child can instantly increase our blood pressure and qi and blood surging.
Many parents will find that as their children grow up, it is also difficult to communicate with them in addition to becoming more and more difficult to discipline! Is this also the legendary rebellion period coming?
In fact, when you get along with your child, what the child says will reflect the child’s true psychological state in his heart.
If the child often says these two sentences to you, please don’t get me wrong about the child. He is not talking back or rebelling, but he is in big psychological trouble!
"Forget it, anyway..."
"Forget it, you won't agree anyway!"
"Forget it, you will say mine anyway!"
"Forget it, you will say mine anyway!"
"Forget it, I can't learn it anyway!"
Some children, if they keep their mouths closed, they are "Anyway, sentence sentences" . Whenever children say these words that sound like they can "choke to death", they actually reflect the child's inner dissatisfaction .
Let’s break it down. The word “anyway” is like a kind of and the opposite is . The following words are followed by “anyway” are the children’s real appeal.
Anyway you won't agree with → hope Mom agrees with
anyway you will say me → hope You agree with
Anyway I will learn it too I don’t know → Hope You encourage me
You can see that every "sentence sentence" represents some things the child expects to do, but because is afraid of not getting it, afraid of being rejected, and afraid of experiencing disappointment again , so the child’s will start a self-protection mode in his heart , and conceal his expectations by "rejecting first" to resist the other party’s rejection.
If the child often says this to you, then parents should think about it carefully. Does often reject or ignore the needs of their children and often deny their children?
Children who are often denied and rejected will be disappointed more often, and children will know that no matter how hard they struggle under the authority of their parents, it is useless. If they cannot resist, then compromise.
often says "forget it, anyway" the child who talks about it expresses dissatisfaction, but in his heart, a child who has learned to compromise. It is not a kind of reconciliation to himself. is the beginning of another "growth disaster".
They will gradually compromise with others, compromise with difficulties, and compromise with work and life when they grow up. becomes a person without fighting spirit , and the heart is full of anger contradictory .
How do parents deal with it?
already knows that children are "right and wrong", We just need to understand the child's words in the opposite way.
When you understand the child’s true thoughts, you will not be angry by the child’s “spoken words”. Instead, you should soften the child with a positive attitude and let the child know that the mother/dad already understands it.
Let's practice~
want to go out and play, worried that my mother will not agree to:
"Mom, I think... forget it, you won't agree anyway!"
Mom can answer this way:
Mom can answer this way:
"Mom knows, you want to go out to play, right? Before, my mother thought it was a strong wind outside, and you might catch a cold when she went out to play, but she rejected you without explaining the reason to you, so you were unhappy."
"Can you see this way? Let's go to the balcony to see if there is still strong wind. If the wind stops, can we go out to play together?"
It should be noted that actively responding to children is not the child's request, we must agree unconditionally.
It can resolve the child's inner dissatisfaction. It is not that everything goes with the child. Even if it cannot be done, you must tell the reasons for letting him agree with it while seeing and respecting the child's wishes.
"It's all your fault!"
accidentally fell down, blame you for not holding on to him ;
It is not easy to draw, it is blamed for the pen you gave to be difficult to use;
It is not good to say English words, it is blamed for letting you learn it;
......
In short, as long as it is something you cannot do well, it will automatically turn on the blame mode of "Strange the world and strange the air" , and a sentence "It's all your fault" can pick yourself clean.
Why do children blame others when they encounter problems?
Now we are raising children more and more refined, and the conditions for children are getting better and better. Parents are doing their best to let their children grow in a loving environment.
To put it bluntly, it means that children nowadays have whatever they want. You can get a lot of things with just one hand, and it will be easier to lose something.
For example, children always collect problems from others’ faults, which may be due to the fact that the child’s own view of right and wrong is not clear.
So when the problem arises, the child says "it's all your fault" does not necessarily mean shirking responsibility, but The child really thinks this is not his problem. The one with the problem is you , so the child will say "it's all your fault" in anger and aggrieved manner.
is like the saying: The more you do, the greater the responsibility.
If the child often says this, it means that you may have done too much for the child!
Looking around, the child is in an environment where parents are responsible for it. When everything that leaves the mark of the parents is wrong, the responsibility will naturally be collected to the parents, and the child will not think about whether it is his own fault.
How do parents deal with it?
First we must remember one sentence - Never take care of your children in every detail!
People have this mentality. The more a person gives you, over time, you will get used to the other person's efforts, and instead take it as a matter of course, and the same is true for children.
Want to truly resolve the child's "thinking of others" that parents need to do is Let go of .
In daily life, we should try to return some of the things that children can do and their own decision-making power. distinguish the responsibilities . Whoever has the problem is responsible, whoever bears the consequences.
For example, we can't see the toys for the child to clean up. Every time the child can't find the toys, the first thing that comes to mind is to find the mother: "Whoever makes you move my toys, it's all you blamed you, I can't find it!"
When a child has the ability to keep toys by himself, his things can be handed over to the child to handle and clean up by himself, and bear the consequences.
What should I do if the child is unwilling to clean up? In addition to the consequences of the child who can’t find them after he cleans up himself, you can also give the child a time limit by .
If the child does not clean up within this period, the mother will regard it as garbage that the baby doesn't want and will be cleaned up. This is also a consequence that the child needs to bear in order to truly understand the meaning of distinguishing responsibilities, claiming responsibilities, and taking responsibility.
Every child who looks rebellious and verbally rushes through wraps the heart that is both fragile and requires guidance in .
And what we parents need to do is to discover the problems behind children's words in a timely manner, explore the children's real thoughts and feelings .
