How old are your children? Is she still crying? Do you remember what you did when she cried? Or do you remember what your parents did when you cried as a child? I received a case today: the visitor is a father, the mother is a stay-at-home mother, and the baby is 30 months old. T

How old are your children? Is she still crying?

Do you remember what you did when she cried?

Or do you remember what your parents did when you were a child?

received a case today:

The visitor is a father, the mother is a full-time mother, and the baby is 30 months old.

The main problem is that the baby will cry when he doesn't get what he wants, and he will cry even harder while comforting himself by saying "don't cry, don't cry, baby doesn't cry".

Dad wants to solve this problem quickly.

I did not respond directly, but continued to understand some questions. For example, how do you respond when your baby cries? What is the mother's emotional state like? How do dad and mom usually cooperate?

When the baby cries, they will tell the baby: "Can't cry", hoping that the baby can manage his emotions.

Can you now understand why the baby will cry harder while comforting himself by saying "don't cry"?

A child is like a sponge, absorbing all the ideas of his parents, good and bad.

A 30-month-old child can listen to his mother and not cry, but he does not have the ability to manage his emotions, even in elementary school.

How to respond to your child’s crying is important.

From the perspective of brain science , the human brain is divided into three layers of structure: brainstem , limbic system and cerebral neocortex. The brainstem and limbic system are also called the emotional brain, and the cerebral neocortex is also called the rational brain.

The reptilian brain is the most primitive emotional response center. The main response modes are attack, escape, mate, freeze...it has survival significance.

The breast-feeding brain is an evolved emotional brain that produces richer emotional responses, such as happiness, anger, anxiety, jealousy, fear, etc.

The rational brain is the last to evolve and is responsible for rational thinking and decision-making, which is also the part that manages emotions.

The emotional brain stem is not as good as the rational brain.

Personally speaking, the maturity of our cerebral cortex, that is, the rational brain, is about 25 years old.

For a child, it is not physically allowed to manage his emotions.

The best way to deal with children's emotions is to allow them to cry.

Children who are allowed are happy.

Think about when we were not allowed to watch TV or play games as children, or think about when we were not allowed to fall in love during adolescence, what would happen?

We will secretly watch, we will secretly go to Internet cafes, we will secretly fall in love or have a crush on someone.

When a child is not allowed to have emotions and his emotions are not accepted, he will resist.

His resistance is often unexpected, and even he himself is not aware of it. For example, the baby cries harder while comforting himself "Don't cry"...

Some children really stop crying. They have absorbed their parents' ideas, but they may not be able to generate their own values ​​from now on, relying on Survive by other people's thoughts, just like you care so much about other people's thoughts that you cannot live your true self.

Some children bury all their emotions in their hearts, and they will explode when they cannot hide them. Think of those children who seem to be honest but suddenly attack their roommates.

So when your child cries, let him cry for a while.

You can hug him and don't say anything.

You can also gently tell him to cry for a while if he wants to.

When the child calms down, you can guide him to express his thoughts with his mouth and language instead of crying.

Take your time and figure it out, don’t worry.

Permission is a gift, remember to give it to yourself and the people around you.