"Being nice to anyone is not as good as being nice to your own children. No matter how nice you are to your brothers and sisters' children, it's all in vain." This is not what I said, it was said by a reader friend.

"Being kind to others is not as good as being kind to your own children. No matter how kind you are to your brothers and sisters' children, it is all in vain."

This is not what I said, it was said by a reader friend. Why

said this is because she has personal experience:

➤➤➤Reader’s story

"I have two brothers, one is 12 years older than me, and the other is 10 years older than me. They were not good at school, so they got married early. I was still very young at that time. After my eldest brother and second brother gave birth to nephews and nieces respectively, I was very happy. I helped take care of them when I got home from school (before I went to college, although my two brothers got married and had children, they were never separated from their parents. (family, a big family living together), my nieces and nephews also have a good relationship with me. Although I am a sister-in-law, in the eyes of my two children, I am like an older sister.

I will give them any gifts they want after I work. I am satisfied. After we got married, my wife and I both worked hard and earned a pretty good income. Therefore, in terms of financial conditions, our family is better than my two brothers’ families. They are all envious of us and say that we are educated people after studying and have a better life. The quality is just different.

My husband and I also care a lot about their children. We buy food and clothing, give them gifts or give them big red envelopes during the New Year and holidays. We often bring our nephews and nieces to experience life during the winter and summer vacations, and spend money to let them experience life. I took various interest classes and received a 10,000 yuan red envelope when I went to college. My two brothers’ careers were not going well and tuition fees became a problem, which was an urgent need for me to pay for.

Our lives have been getting better and better in the past few years. The children are also very motivated, and their academic performance has always been among the best. But I didn’t expect that now that the conditions are better, my brother and sister-in-law are jealous of us. Except for the three of us who go home to visit our parents during the Chinese New Year, they almost don’t come to our house. My nephews and nieces go to college. After graduation, I couldn't even find anyone, and my niece never took the initiative to communicate with me throughout the year. I didn't know their WeChat accounts, and they never took the initiative to add me. In fact, we are not far apart, only about fifty or sixty kilometers away.

Last year, I had a tumor and had surgery. I was hospitalized for a week. During that time, I was very depressed. My brother and sister-in-law just made a phone call and comforted me a few words without any pain. My nephew and niece didn't say a word of greeting at all. My son was afraid. I would die and cry profusely. I also vowed in my diary that I would be admitted to Medical University so that I could better take care of my mother. After I got sick, I had a different understanding of family relationships.

I felt like I was my nephew before. It seems meaningless to invest so much in my niece. Others will not appreciate your favor. I don't want their return, but there should always be emotional interaction, right? At this moment, I realized that my children and brothers Sisters' children are completely different. In their eyes, you are actually an outsider. They don't care whether you are dead or alive.

Therefore, I will let myself go in the future and stop thinking about how I treat them. Let them follow them in the rest of their lives. Living a good life as a small family and educating their children are the most important things. The child of a sibling, to be honest, is just a familiar stranger in the end. (Public allowed)

It seems that this friend was hurt by the indifference of his niece and nephew.

Her story is very common. Many people are very good to the children of their brothers and sisters. They provide money, effort, affection, and love them as their own children, but in the end there seems to be little gain. the expected rewards.

Some people will become accustomed to giving you money and things. Once you don’t give them money to support them in starting a family, buying a house, or starting a business, they will never have any contact with you until they die.

A friend of mine is like this. Her aunt's child made her heartbroken. Because her aunt died early and her uncle did not remarry and live with her son, she has always felt sorry for her aunt's son and cared about him in life. Eight years ago, her uncle had a stroke operation, and the surgery fee was 80,000 yuan. She paid it without saying a word, but the operation failed and her uncle left anyway.

When she was attending the funeral, she thought that she had just bought a new house and was not very well-off. Including the surgery fee, she had already paid 80,000 yuan, so she paid 1,000 yuan for her nephew. However, she felt that she had not paid enough for the new year, and she did not even send him a New Year greeting. There was no phone number or WeChat message. At that time, my nephew was also an adult in his twenties and a college student, but he was not grateful at all.

After she figured it out, she no longer worried about his affairs as before. Later, she heard that her nephew's work and relationship were not going well. Now he is in his thirties and his wife can't be found.

Another netizen said that she had raised her niece, grandson, and daughter-in-law for a year. When they came to the city to look for jobs, she took care of their food and accommodation, and never asked them to buy vegetables or do any housework. As a result, the nephew told his mother that she didn't talk to him much when she came back from get off work, and the niece-in-law was also dissatisfied with her, which led to her brother-in-law and sister-in-law being very dissatisfied with her. She said, "I am a teacher, and I have so many students. I am really tired at the end of the day, so I don't want to talk more. Besides, I really don't have much to talk about with them. Oh, I wish I had understood it earlier."

There are actually many questions about this Everyone knows this very well, why do your siblings’ children treat you in such an attitude? There are several reasons:

1. Their parents themselves are not grateful people, so they usually do not pay attention to the education of gratitude to their children, resulting in their children not knowing how to give back.

2. Your life is better than theirs. In a family, it is often "the capable work more". Whoever has greater ability will bear more. It seems to be a conventional psychology. The money and materials you pay, Or the giving of love, they take everything for granted, a typical weak person's rational mentality.

3. The psychological desire for reward is at work. If you treat your siblings' children well, you will also expect your brothers and sisters to treat your children well. Everyone has expectations in their hearts, that is, they hope that the other party will give you the same good things. However, everyone’s financial strength is different and they have different ways of handling things. Once you feel that the contribution and the reward are not equal, you will feel uncomfortable and feel that it is not worth it. .

4. The one who pays tends to think highly of himself. Because you are good to them and you are an elder. After some people have done all kinds of good things, it is easy for some people to assume the role of an elder and point out young people's studies, work, emotions, marriage and parenting styles, hoping that they will listen to you. But it often means that if you say it superficially, it won't work, and if you say it deeply, it won't be pleasing.

You must know that many young people nowadays are more individualistic. Sometimes they don’t even listen to their own parents, but they will listen to you? At this time, you will feel uncomfortable and feel that they do not respect you. When some people are frustrated and disappointed, they can’t help but complain to others:

I am so good to them, but they are so rude to me and indifferent to them. Okay, my conscience has been eaten by a dog... But ask yourself, no matter how nice you are to others, it is unlikely that other people's parents will be nice to them.

5. Many children born in this era have never experienced hardship. They don’t understand what the affection between relatives really means?

In addition to the popular concept of "cutting off relatives", which means other relatives besides their parents, many young people have not been included in their living space at all. Many people are under various pressures and even want to escape. The living space of the seven aunts and eight aunts just want to live their lives cleanly and simply.

This trend will only become more and more obvious in the future, and indifference to family ties will become a commonplace phenomenon. Elderly relatives must be fully mentally prepared.

So, how should children of siblings be treated?

First of all, if you want to be good to them, then first recognize this practical problem. How can you treat them well?

relies on money, and you need to have sufficient financial support.If you don’t have money, you just treat people verbally and emotionally. Once the other person asks you for help when they encounter something, and you can’t come up with money to support it, the other person will be unhappy:

”Be good to me all the time. , What’s so good about me? If you ask for money, you won’t be able to buy me a house or a car. It turns out that it’s all hypocritical. Who cares? "

If you have enough money and you are willing, then everything will be fine. Not a problem.

But after all, the vast majority of people have limited abilities. Everyone lives a good life and focuses on taking care of themselves, their spouse, their parents and their children. The same is true for others. In this way, getting along with brothers and sisters will not be tiring! If you have that intention, then just do it in moderation according to your own strength and ability.

If it is good for the children of brothers and sisters, it must be given appropriately when one's own abilities, feelings, mentality, and financial resources can bear it. One word is: act within your capabilities.

Another thing is that if you are good to your brothers and sisters' children, you must be willing to "donate" them voluntarily. As for whether they can repay you in the future? Can I support you? There is no legal obligation to do this. There is no requirement that he must "give something back" to you, and you cannot morally kidnap him. To put it bluntly, even if it is your own child, you have a legal obligation to support him and you are doing your best to raise him up. They may not necessarily treat you well in the future, let alone the children of your brothers and sisters?

It’s up to you to weigh whether this kind of risky investment is big or not. Therefore, if you are kind to your brothers and sisters' children, treat them as a contribution to your relatives. Don't think about repaying them. It won't feel uncomfortable if you think about it this way.

Furthermore, children of brothers and sisters have people (parents) they need to repay. If they want to repay too much, they do not have the ability.

So, whose children are loved by whose parents.

Everyone wants to open it.