When a child sees something that others have, the child wants it. He obviously has this thing himself, but he just thinks that other people's things are good. Encountering this kind of situation really gives parents a headache.
At this time, parents should not worry. First analyze the reasons, why do children want it?
- Possessiveness is at work
Child Development Psychology talks about: Children before the age of 4 do not yet have a complete concept of item ownership. When you see someone else having this thing, you want to possess it yourself. This is because the child has reached a sensitive period for possession.
What is the possession sensitive period? The possessive sensitive period mainly refers to a period when children have a strong possessive desire for things. On the one hand, they do not want others to touch their own things; on the other hand, they want other people's things when they see them. It usually occurs between 3 and 3 years old. Between 4 years old.
If the child is in this period, parents should pay attention to the child's needs and take the opportunity to teach the child the concept of ownership of items so that he can learn to distinguish between his own and others'.
- Children want attention
Huang Shiming wrote in "Stop Your Inner War": For children, attention equals love, and no attention equals not being loved.
If a child owns an item, the child will feel that everyone will pay attention to him, think he is great, and will praise him. Therefore, in order to attract other people's attention, he also wants to own that item.
Some parents usually don't pay much attention to their children's inner needs and think that it is enough for their children to be well fed and clothed. If a child's inner needs are not met for a long time, he may think that his parents do not love him. In order to attract love, he may ask for other people's things and grab them if they cannot get them.
Knowing the reasons why children want it, parents can do it from the following aspects:
- Bring your own toys when going out
When parents take their children out, they can prepare a bag with their children’s favorite toys, snacks and Water glass.
When a child wants something after seeing someone else's, we can tell him that we have it ourselves, and then take out the child's toys to attract his attention.
If a child wants something from others even though he has it himself, encourage the child to share and exchange the things he likes with others. This will also help the child learn how to get along with other children.
- Let children clarify the concept of ownership of items
Studies have shown that disputes arising from unclear ownership of items are one of the most frequent and intense conflicts among children.
Before the child is 3 years old, because there is no clear ownership of items, it is difficult to distinguish between "yours", "mine" and "his".
So when parents take care of their children, they can tell their children:
This toy belongs to the little brother. Your toy is in our house. Let's play with it for a while and then return it to the little brother, okay?
This water glass is yours, and that water glass is mom's.
This is your little plane. Lend it to your little sister to play with for a while, and then return it to you when she is done playing with it, okay?
Through this kind of connection, children are taught to distinguish the ownership of items, and they will gradually know which things belong to them and which belong to others, and they cannot take other people's things casually.
- Pay more attention to your children
Many parents think that they love their children, but they do not like to express it and do not pay attention to their children's inner needs. They think that their love for their children does not need to be said, and their children can feel it.
But when children are young, they still can’t feel some things and don’t understand them. They think that their parents don’t talk about them because they don’t love themselves.
As parents, we should pay more attention to the inner needs of our children, express more love to our children, and let our children know that their parents love them. Just like what is sung in the song "If you love me, hug me", if you love him, Just give him lots of hugs.
Through these ways of expressing love, children can feel the care of their parents, and they will feel satisfied and at ease in their hearts.
- Divert the child's attention
If the child sees something that someone else wants, you can divert the child's attention and give him something that another child likes so that he no longer pays attention to other people's things.
Of course, this trick cannot be used frequently, but should be used when the child makes unreasonable needs, because if used too much, the child will feel that the parents do not pay attention to his needs and are teasing him.
is like what was written in "I really wish my parents had read this book": I think children, no matter how old they are, should be respected by us. The diversionary tactic feels disingenuous and more manipulative.
Mom, I want that thing too. It seems like a simple sentence, but behind this sentence, what is needed is the attention and proper handling of the parents. Next time you hear this sentence, will you? Less difficult to deal with?
