Modern people pay more attention to psychological conditions. Under the tremendous pressure of work and life, the proportion of emotional problems has increased. Unheard of anxiety and depression have begun to appear in life, and even develop in the direction of younger age.
Read some books on psychology, not only useful, but also necessary. I recommended "The Courage to Be Disgusted" a few days ago, and today I recommend another easy-to-read psychology book-"Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist". I recommend this book to several good friends and it is worth a visit. read.
PART1
"Mr. Toad Going to See a Psychologist" was written by Robert Dadebo, a senior British psychologist, in order to let ordinary readers understand the profound psychological theories and understand what psychological counseling is all about. , I deliberately selected the animal images from the classic fairy tale " Liulin Fengsheng", and asked them to interpret a standard template for psychological counseling treatment, which is not only informative, but also very interesting to read. This book is the author's experience of many years of psychological counseling work, and it is also a national-level psychological counseling introductory book best-selling in the UK for more than 20 years.
The text of this book is easy to understand, incorporating psychological knowledge into the dialogue and plot. My suggestion is that not only adults can read it, but also recommend it to children. Let us understand ourselves better, understand emotions, and understand psychological counseling.
Next, let's listen to the story of Mr. Toad.
PART2
The story starts with mole .
The weather is very boring, he plans to go out for a walk, recently he often feels that the life with the river rat makes him anxious-this is of course wrong. The river rat is very good to him and introduced him to many friends. He is also very capable... But even so, Mole still feels very uncomfortable, He feels almost unable to be himself, as if he always lives in the shadow of a river rat.
He remembered that he hadn't seen his old friend Toad for a long time, and wanted to visit him. The Rat told him, "Are you careful, forgot you lost your way last time?" Mole said "I'll be careful" on his mouth, but he was very upset. He would rather try his own way , It doesn’t matter if you do it wrong, but you don’t want and Hemo to always control yourself like this .
Hi, did you think of it after reading this?
Yes, the mole and the rat are like the relationship between a child and a parent.
Parents always think that they are right, take care of everything, and don't give their children the chance to try or even make mistakes. On the surface, parents do everything because of love, but they give their children a strong feeling of "cannot be themselves".
Mole came to the manor of Toad. Strangely, the former prosperity manor is now lonely. No one answered the doorbell for a long time,Mole walked around to the sliding door of the back door, and saw Mr. Toad, who was bright and bright towards the sun, dressed in dirty clothes with a sad expression on his face. He cried and said: I am not very good now!
Mole was very worried. The Mr. Toad he remembered was a cheerful fellow. He always dresses brightly and is full of energy. What's wrong with him?
After returning home, the mole talked with the river rat to find a way to help the toad. They read an advertisement from a psychological counselor in the newspaper and decided to persuade Toad to receive psychological counseling. The next day, on the way to the Toad Manor, they met the old badger. He was a good friend of Toad’s father. When he heard about the condition of the Toad, the badger immediately decided to go with them. Tell him he must cheer up.
However, things are not as smooth as they thought.
Friends did their best to take care of him and encourage him, but the past few days have not been effective. Toad is still sad. The three friends decided to take action after discussing it. They called, agreed on a date, put pressure on Toad, and finally sent him to the counselor, Heron.
Toad is very reluctant, but when he thinks of his friends worrying about himself, he reluctantly goes. The heron told Toad, The two parties involved in psychological counseling must be voluntary, which is a cooperative relationship.Toad himself is responsible for the consultation, not others.
It turns out that I am not just here for education, but an active participant? Toad suddenly became interested. This time, he didn't ask anyone's opinion, and decided to continue to receive counseling and treatment. He wanted to get better, but the heron did not give him any guarantee.
Before the second consultation, the life of the toad was particularly difficult.
He was listless and woke up very early, full of sad and sick thoughts in his mind. Especially at night, the anxious thoughts almost crushed him. He forced himself to go out for a walk every day, but even in the sun, everything he saw was like a black and white photo, with no color.
sitting in the consultation room for the second time, the heron asked how did the toad feel? He told Toad that if there was an emotional thermometer that described his feelings from 1 to 10, which number would it be marked on? Toad says it is 1-2 at most. He felt hopeless three months ago and even thought of suicide.
Toad said that he felt that he was a worthless person. He made a mess of life and lived like a joke, not as good as others. He is the "good old friend of the toad" in the mouth of others, and he strives to maintain this image so as to protect the liking of others.
's mood deteriorated after an adventure.He had gone through many dangers, and when he finally escaped, the Rat rescued him. Toad was very grateful to him. When he wanted to tell him the adventure story, River Rat said that he was a "disgusting guy". To please River Rat, Toad had to admit that he was shameless and promised not to do this again in the future. Toad is more afraid of the badger. Toad can’t help shivering every time he sees his majestic eyes, as if seeing his father, it makes him feel very uncomfortable... When he was humiliated, Toad felt extremely embarrassed and Suffering, he had to pretend to be brave and fearless and talk nonsense to cover up his embarrassment.
The more you talk about the toad, the more sad it gets, and the more you talk about it, the more painful it gets. He gradually realized that when faced with the uncomfortable situation of river rats and badgers, he felt like the feeling of being severely scolded by his father when he was a child. It was a "self-child state."
A week later, Toad came for the third consultation. He enjoys the heron's full attention to himself, he has never received such attention from others in his life.
The heron explained what is called "children's self-mode", which is built from the remnants of our childhood and contains all the emotions we experienced when we were young, such as happiness, affection, anger, sadness ,fear. But in the process of growing up, there will be other factors involved, the most important of which is the parents .
Everything the baby does will trigger certain reactions from the parents, and these reactions can have a profound impact on the child. Every baby must learn how to adjust his basic behaviors to deal with his initial state. These earliest experiences have shaped the prototype of his personality.
All babies can only depend on their stronger parents. The only thing they can do is to adapt to them, and the personality formed by this adaptation is the foundation of their adulthood. Therefore, the impact of childhood on a person can be said to be significant.
The heron asked the toad what other initial memories?
He remembers his strict father, he will never meet his father's requirements; he also remembers the quiet mother, obeyed his father before marriage, and obeyed her husband after marriage. When Toad was very young, his mother used to laugh with him, but his mother cares about her husband’s evaluation and look at his face. Later, she also followed Toad’s father’s strict child-rearing view, and put away the motherly side. In Toad’s memory, His mother hugged him so few times...
In these memories, Toad felt anger and extreme anger towards his parents. This kind of anger makes Toad feel very painful. His parents must have worked hard for him so that he can live and eat well. Now that they have passed away, they are angry with them?
He cried loudly, and then apologized to the heron that he didn’t like crying like this. The heron told him that people need to connect with their emotions.Understand yourself, understand your emotions. Although you don't like crying, you don't need to deny your emotions and suppress yourself.
Is it okay to cry? From childhood to adulthood, Toad's father didn't allow him to cry. As long as he cried, his father would get angry and he would immediately stop.
Toad said his father is a stern and upright person, he is always right, and Toad is always wrong. My father played with myself a few times occasionally. Toad was too eager to get his love and attention, and would make mistakes, and his father would leave in a rage; mother, because there was only one child, she paid a lot of attention to toad. He took care of him as a baby, and he will still be the same after he grows up.
Successful and majestic grandfathers, maternal grandfathers, and demanding parents. Toads who grew up in this environment are forced to adjust themselves, obey their requirements, and work hard to please them. They are too difficult to please, and they are always dissatisfied. Toad later began to let his grandiose and stupidity go, trying to get their attention.
Under the hint of the heron, the toad found that he seemed to have lost the emotion of "anger" long ago. His anger is connected with guilt.
When he is angry, he takes a more relaxed way to release, so as not to let the other party notice, such as playful temperament, or stunned and so on.
Toad vaguely felt that he was getting better during the consultation and treatment.But on this day, the arrival of the badger made him fall into pain again.
Badger said in an unquestionable tone that he decided to replace Toad as the director of the elementary school. Toad was very angry. He valued the position of the school director and put in a lot of effort, but he also felt that the badger was more capable. He should be right... After the badger left, he felt that he had no cure.
When he saw the heron again, he told the heron about it. At this time, he had decided: to write a letter of resignation in accordance with the Badger's idea, which would be good for everyone.
The heron and the toad analyzed the behavior of the badger together. He is in a "parental self state". The badger's parents may be strict moralists, so he will act like this span12span .
Toad remembered that he had also encountered teachers and female shop assistants speaking in the manner of his parents before, which made him feel very uncomfortable. They are almost all replicas of "critical parents", criticizing, angry, and harsh.
Does everyone have a "parental self-state"?
Yes, there are toads too, but it works in a different way,"Parental status" is like a judge who constantly accuses others, convicts them, and punishes them logically.
Toad began to look at himself. He did often judge himself. This is exactly what his parents did to him before. Self-criticism is the strongest and the most painful.
Toad gradually woke up, he decided not to resign. The Rat and Mole were also surprised to find that the toad changed a lot. He was better at listening, more peaceful and friendly.
With the advancement of psychological counseling, Toad feels that he is gradually full of strength.
Heron told him that people are generally divided into three states, in addition to "parental self-state" and "child self-state", there is also " adult self-state", in this state we will Act in a rational rather than emotional way. Only in this state can you learn new knowledge about yourself and better understand yourself .
People can find many people to blame for their unhappiness, but in the end, it is themselves who make the choice.
instead of always blaming others,It is better to take responsibility for yourself, then you will know that you have the power to change your situation, and more importantly, you have the power to change yourself.
Toad was full of anger. He told the heron that he had lived in his father’s pickiness since childhood. Later he inherited the manor and also had a lot of money. Very beautiful boat, even bought a caravan... In the end, these didn't make him happy, everything turned out to be bad. Tell his story completely, and give Toad a chance to review his past comprehensively and objectively. He is neither a saint nor a heinous sinner. This is the life of an ordinary Toad.
Each person's early experience is essentially different, so everyone does not see the same world. Childhood is so powerful that it shapes everyone's unique view of the world.
But we can change. Everything depends on the "life coordinates". In the end, we will turn our lives into a "self-fulfilling prophecy", and we will work hard to ensure that our world is the same as expected.
After active and regular consultation, toad finally clarified his thoughts gradually. He found that when he faced herons and badgers, although he still had the feeling of facing his father, he never did No longer humbly and kneel, you can speak out your ideas boldly, and you can solve problems sensibly.
Before the last meeting, Toad had already felt his changes very clearly.He actively arranged social activities, and now he plans to make a new plan to fight and win.
PART3
This sad experience of Mr. Toad describes a psychological consultation through a storytelling program. It is interspersed with a lot of psychological knowledge, and more importantly, it reveals the significant impact of childhood on our lives.
There is a saying that some people need a lifetime to heal their childhood.
The state of childhood, the way parents treat their children, has many effects that will show up in adulthood.
But this does not mean that the scars caused by the original family and parents cannot be healed. When we gradually understand ourselves, face our true self, and make peace with our emotions, we will have the courage and strength to change ourselves. Live the life of the moment.
Mr. Toad walked into the consultation room with the help of friends, and finally completed the journey on his own. He plunged into the torrent of life more bravely and happily, and became the master of life. I hope everyone will have it too. With such courage and strength, you have a beautiful and splendid life.
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