Interview time: November 28, 2022
Interview location: Mental Health Center of Changzhou De'an Hospital
Psychological counselor: Zhou Jie
Case summary: Discuss the relationship between perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive disorder and the correct way to open perfectionism
- In the operating room, shadowless light is turned on.
Xiao Ai lay quietly on the operating table, waiting for a new round of perfect transformation. She is a glamorous beauty in the eyes of outsiders, but in her own eyes she has problems everywhere: her face needs to be smaller, her eyes need to be bigger, the bridge of her nose needs to be straighter, her forehead needs to be fuller, her waist needs to be slimmer... She knows that the end of pursuing beauty is to become more beautiful, but she doesn't know where the end of plastic surgery is. ——Interview scene, two parties playing chess. The interviewer asked a question: "What are your shortcomings?" Xiaoyuan said almost without thinking, "I am a perfectionist, and I have very high standards and requirements for doing things...". Nowadays, perfectionism seems to be the best shield for "weakness questions" in interviews. It is generally believed that people who pursue perfection are strict and self-disciplined, more motivated, and better. After joining Xiaoyuan, she was really serious about her work, but she overthinked things before and after, hesitated to move forward, had low work efficiency, and often procrastinated. She was far from the "perfect employee" that everyone imagined. ——Is it wrong to pursue perfection? Perfectionist Perfectionism≠Obsessive-compulsive disorder John Schindlermedicine Sheng Zai expressed his understanding of perfectionism in "Diseases Are Born from the Heart": "Perfectionists are arrogant on the surface, but deep down they are full of inferiority. Because they always focus on shortcomings, rarely see their own advantages, rarely affirm themselves, and rarely affirm the world." Inferiority and conceit are paradoxically intertwined, splitting perfectionists into two parts, one part is fear, fear of making mistakes, showing "imperfection anxiety"; the other part is arrogance, hoping that they can achieve a state of blameless perfection. Patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder desire to control themselves and the outside world through compulsive behaviors in order to avoid the loss of control and pain caused by unfortunate events. The core is control and loss of control. Freud believes that compulsive behavior is to defend against inner dirty and sinful impulses. For example, a bank clerk cannot control the behavior of repeatedly counting money even though he knows it is unnecessary. The superficial reason may be that he is afraid that he will count the wrong money and cause losses to the bank. In fact, he may be defending himself from the sinful idea of taking the money for himself. In the process of counting money, he symbolically took possession of the money and satisfied his desires; at the same time, the pain caused by the compulsive counting of money also punished the sinful thoughts in his mind. Although a large number of visiting cases show that patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder usually have an obvious tendency to pursue perfection, and many perfectionists also display various obsessive behaviors, perfectionism does not equal obsessive-compulsive disorder. Only when these compulsive behaviors cause serious troubles to work and life and are fully generalized and deformed can they reach the level of "disease". People with the following two characteristics are more likely to be affected by obsessive-compulsive disorder: First, excessive pursuit of perfection. They ignore the huge difference between pursuing perfection and achieving perfection. Once they are obsessed with achieving perfection, they will fall into self-restraint and their personality strength will become contradictory. The second is high expectations and mismatched abilities. The pursuit of perfection is not exclusive to the strong, but if the gap between expectations and reality is too large, the balance of the inner world will be broken, and the sense of uncertainty and compulsion will increase. Perfectionist The correct way to open perfectionism The pursuit of perfection is not exclusive to Virgos. From the perspective of Maslow needs theory , people's highest need is the need for self-realization, which is also the best interpretation of the pursuit of perfection.Everyone has the tendency to pursue perfection, but due to factors such as their original family, growth experience, and own development, they will stay at different levels of needs, or they will suffer huge setbacks in the pursuit of perfection and have to pause. "The mountains are high and the scenery is still there. Although you can't reach it, your heart yearns for it." There is nothing wrong with pursuing perfection. However, if you pursue perfection excessively or pursue unrealistic perfection, it may lead to obsessive behavior and adverse effects, such as: 01 Resist original work in order to avoid making mistakes, and only get used to routine, which will lead to loss of creativity over time. New creative ability; 02 Pursue goals and requirements that are too far from one's own abilities, resulting in frequent frustration, low mood, and doubts about self-ability; 03 Think too much before doing things, always want to make a stunning work, always want to wait until everything is ready before starting to act, also think about the details, deviate from the topic, and are unable to implement; 04 After completing a task, I always feel that there are still many areas that need improvement, and I pursue perfection too much, so I start to think over and over again, and I am still unable to submit it, which slows down the progress, even loses timeliness and loses value; Therefore, in the process of pursuing perfection, we can grasp two limitations: When the National Two Sessions will be held in 2022 First, limit the pursuit of perfection within the scope of personal abilities The pursuit of perfection is an attitude, but the standard of perfection varies from person to person. It’s not just Mozart’s music that is the absolute benchmark, the baby’s babbling and tender singing can also make mothers cry with joy; it’s not just the food cooked by Michelin chefs that can be called delicious, the meals carefully cooked by dad can also be called delicious. The pursuit of perfection does not require competing with others. As long as you constantly break through the limitations of your own abilities and do the best within your abilities, you will achieve your own perfection. The second is to limit the pursuit of perfection to oneself The essence of a person is not an abstract object inherent in a single person. In its reality, it is the sum of all social relationships. In complex social relationships, if we apply the pursuit of perfection to others, or require others to pursue perfection with us, it is equivalent to forcibly homogenizing others. No one likes this feeling, and we have no right to do so. In addition, a harmonious relationship itself is also a part of perfection. The pursuit of perfection should be limited to oneself and avoid involving others or relationships. Strive for perfection, but don’t insist on perfection. As discussed in "Fu Lei's Family Letter": Perfection and vividness are always in conflict. There is no perfection in art, and there is no perfection in life. Only for this reason, we need to pursue and practice hard day and night, all our lives. / Zhou Jie / national psychological counselor , psychotherapist, social worker. Graduated from Wenzhou Medical University Applied Psychology in 2012. In 2019, he participated in the Sino-US Xiaoxiang Spiritual and Psychological Summit Forum. He has been engaged in psychological counseling and treatment since 2012, and has rich clinical treatment experience in various emotional and behavioral problems of adolescents and young adults. Main directions: family therapy , humanistic psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, sandbox therapy, group psychotherapy. Specializing in depression , anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, phobia and other neurosis, sleep disorders, personal self-growth experience, emotional marriage, and various emotional and behavioral problems of children and adolescents. END
