Label anger is a useful way to manage anger.
Big point
- The first step is to understand your anger. Recognize when you have reached the point where you can no longer think clearly or solve problems.
- Assess your level of anger at any given moment, from 0 to 10.
- Even if your anger will attract you to continue arguing, you will feel more controllable if you remove yourself and calm down and come back.
- Instead of adding fuel to the fire, it is better to pay attention to the emotions and watch it disappear slowly.
If you tend to have a brief fuse or have a strong outburst of anger, it may be easy to judge your reaction. However, there is an important difference between feeling angry and taking action. You can have reason to feel angry, but you can still control how you handle your emotions.
Keeping a distance between the moment your anger is triggered and your anger reaction can sometimes feel very difficult. But this is possible! Here are some tips to help you start controlling your anger.
. Identify your warning signal
The first step is to understand your anger. Recognize when you have reached the point where you can no longer think clearly or solve problems. What signal shows you that you have reached this point? You may feel your heart pounding or your face gets hot. You may start talking loudly or start making big gestures with your hands. You may have mean thoughts about the other person, or know you are losing control, but you continue to escalate. This is the time to leave.
If you have a hard time knowing what your warning signal is, pay special attention to your face, body and thoughts next time you are angry. You can also ask friends or family members who see you angry what signs they have noticed. Determine what your warning sign is so you know when to interrupt an angry train before it leaves the track.
. Rating your anger
Another useful strategy to understand your anger is to evaluate your anger level at a level of 0 to 10 at any given moment. Imagine a thermometer might be useful, with a 0 at the bottom and a 10 at the top. When you get angry, the more you practice paying attention to your warning signs, the more you realize when your anger begins to climb onto the thermometer. Sometimes it may even soar from 4 to 9 or 10. It can be useful to know these changes when they occur.
The rule of thumb is that if you give yourself a rating of 7 or higher, it's time to go to the next step - take a moment! If you are angry about 7, 8, 9, or 10, you are likely to be unable to think clearly, which means you will not be able to communicate in an effective or productive way. It's time to get out and calm down and come back when you're much lower on the angry thermometer.
. Pause
Sometimes the hardest part is walking away. This is also the most important thing. Realize that you have a choice here. Even if your anger will attract you to continue arguing, if you free yourself from this situation, you will feel more control when you calm down and come back. One way to think about this is that your anger is like a ball of fire that destroys anything it passes through. We need to put out the fire before we can do other things. Pause is a great way to start calming the flames.
If you can't leave it, it's useful to see it as an opportunity to learn - what lessons can you learn from this situation and how do you try different approaches next time?
. Choose some calming skills that suit you
Now you have gotten rid of the tension, what should you do now? Avoid intentionally maintaining anger or aggravate anger during the suspension. Instead of adding fuel to the fire, pay attention to your emotions and watch it disappear slowly. It may be difficult at first, but through practice, you will find yourself getting better and better at it.
The next step usually involves some trial and error - you may need to try several different strategies before you can find the one that works best for you. Here are some coping tips you can try:
Visual
Close your eyes and imagine you are in some soothing and peaceful place; maybe a tropical beach, a quiet lake or your favorite resort. Now, bring your attention to your five senses: what you see, hear, smell, taste, feel?
Deep breathing
Deep breathing can effectively calm our fight or flight reactions. Try taking a deep breath for five minutes and focus on your breathing and body sensations. You can also try the 4-7-8 method: inhale and count 4, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale with your mouth for 8 seconds. Do this at least three times.
verbalizes to yourself
can be very powerful to talk to yourself in difficult times. Some examples: "I'm fine, it'll be fine", "This will pass too", "I don't have to act based on this feeling. I can choose how I behave", "Can I develop empathy for myself and others now?
What other phrases may help comfort and comfort yourself when you're tired?
Do something you like
Watching outside, listening to music, taking a bath or hot bath, running, watching your favorite TV show, garden, driving, watching puppy videos or watching funny memes. Choose some fun activities and try during the break.
In our day, there will always be something that makes us angry - someone interrupts you on the road, or your partner makes passively aggressive comments. This is about how you choose to respond. Will you accept these invitations to anger and respond with frustration and aggressiveness? Or will you pass them on to yourself to recognize your emotions and choose different reactions?
Anger may feel like a difficult mood to stop. These tips can be a useful start. Finding a psychotherapist with anger management expertise can also provide you with support and guidance to put these strategies into practice.
