When sorting out the case consultation yesterday, the record table recorded a passage from a mother: "When my child's grades are good, I was very happy and valuable, but now his grades have declined. He likes to play with his mobile phone at home. I feel that the sky is about to fall, and life feels meaningless."
I think many parents will have such a sense of fear. When becoming a parent, the child becomes the whole of her life, the extension of her life, and the meaning of her existence. However, once the child begins to have a self-awareness, begins to rebel, and begins to break away from your control and plan, parents begin to be anxious and afraid, and they want to use the greatest control to pull the child back, but it is counterproductive, and the child will use confrontation and escape to prove his own sense of existence.
When I looked at my cute little Mobao, a sense of happiness arises naturally. At that moment, I hope that he will grow up like we hope to become a person who is better and stronger than me... But at some point, I realized that my expectation was unconsciously, I already wanted to control her life. I began to reflect on myself, whether our love is completely and trustworthy, and truly allow the child to become himself, not the extension of our lives.
In a family, when a certain aspect of the system is unbalanced, there is a problem with the parent-child relationship, and the husband-wife relationship, or the individual's emotions are out of control, we may need to have a new consciousness, and this family needs to adjust new models and interactive relationships.
And every family member needs to find his or her position. For example, mother is the mother's position, and she is also herself. She can enjoy the feeling of being herself, love herself, allow herself to be in perfection and excellence, allow herself to grow slowly, and allow herself to be truly existing. At that time, that will allow children to become their real selves, not the meaning of their parents' self-existence.
Children come because of you, but they do not exist because of you, but their existence is making us truly ourselves one day, a complete self who loves ourselves. Such a journey is beautiful.
