With various changes in the social environment, competition, inverse has appeared in children's lives early. Psychological problems of primary and secondary school students are on the rise, and many children face different degrees of psychological problems, such as:
addicted to online games and hate learning;
repeatedly hit walls in interpersonal communication;
inferiority, depression, and often fall into an anxious state;
spleen Qi is unstable and aggressive;
has poor independence and is overly dependent on parents
…
Data showed that among the children and adolescents under 17 years old in my country, about 30 million people are troubled by various emotional disorders and behavioral problems, and the number of outpatients in children's psychological problems increases at a rate of 10% every year.
It has to be admitted that the mental health problems of adolescents have become an urgent issue that society, schools and families need to pay attention to.
Many parents don’t understand this: children nowadays have no worries about food and clothing, so why do so many psychological problems occur? Which step was wrong?
In fact, for a child with psychological sunshine and healthy material life is often not the main factor. The key lies in the "heart": Is it filled with love, confidence and courage, and whether it has exercised a certain amount of psychological toughness to face the real life.
If a child has never had these strengths in his heart on the road to growth, he can easily feel lonely and despair.
has a sunny mental state. The importance of parents is unspeakable. Parents should try to do the following three things as little as possible.
1
Don't let academic performance
Become the only source of value for children
M·Scott Parker wrote this passage in "The Road No One Walks":
"I am a valuable person" - Recognition of self-worth like this is the basic premise of mental health and the foundation for cultivating self-discipline, which comes directly from the love of parents.
In many families, academic performance has become the only criterion for measuring children and has also become the only source of value for children.
In the CCTV documentary " How do we fight depression ", Zhong Hua is a high school female high school student who is under tremendous academic pressure.
For example, if Zhong Hua got the third place in the exam, the adults would not give praise, but instead asked: "Who is the first place in the exam? Who is the second place?"
If the child got the first place in the exam, the adults would still ask: "Who is the first in the class? Which one do you rank?"
Zhong Hua admitted: 'You can get better' is a goal that can never be achieved, just like I am a donkey, I hung an carrot in front of me, and I was running for this matter desperately. ”
In many families, the only way for children to prove their value is to study. No matter how good they do in other aspects, it is difficult to get praise or response from their parents.
Everyone is happy when they do well in the exam. If they fail, they are all left at home.
A junior high school student asked his mother: "What can I do to make you happy? ”
Mom said: “If you do your studies well, will I be grateful? ”
In the eyes of children:
"My parents are unhappy if I don't study well. Only when I learn well can they love me. I am just a learning tool! ”
Many children regard learning as a task imposed on them by their parents, without a sense of purpose. At the same time, they cannot gain a sense of value from other things in life. Gradually, they cannot get along well with the people around them and do not know how to get along with the world.
Frequently frustrated in learning, and children will fall into self-denial.Many children often have an anxiety about their own meaning, feel that learning and life are meaningless, and have wrong value judgments about themselves. Once these negative consciousnesses occupy the child's heart, they will often accompany them throughout their learning career.
On the road to learning, the more love and support comes from the family, the more children will not become "hollow".
The child with psychological sunshine will also have a sunny family behind him. They understand: "Home is a place that can always tolerate and accept me." No matter what you are like or what difficulties you encounter in your studies, your family can always catch you.
Only when parents who always support, understand and respect themselves will their children be rich in their hearts.
2
Don't use the name "I'm all for your good"
Control children
Parent-child relationship is most likely to fall into html l2 "Control" trap ", this control makes the child feel the most painful.
A 14-year-old boy ran to call the police because he was dissatisfied with his parents installing a camera in his room.
The policeman came to his home, and his father said calmly: How much privacy do you have? Who am I? I can't monitor you? html l2
control a child. The most common reasons for parents to use are "Who am I you", "I am all for your own good", "Will I harm you?"
Its deep meaning is "You must listen to me, I have the right to control and control you", and Most parents do not realize this . 1 How much harm does the impenetrable "care" harm to the child.
However, the more you try to control the child, the more likely you will lose the child in the end.
The famous philosopher Martin Buber once said: "Once you regard the other person as the object and tool to achieve your goal, then, no matter how great your goal seems, you have caused harm to that person. ”
Every child begins to have an independent consciousness when he is very young. If parents interfere in everything, from eating and dressing to going to school to getting married, it becomes a shackle for the children.
As they grow older, their children's self-awareness becomes stronger and stronger, and anxiety and stress also increase exponentially.
One of the most painful things in life is that there is no right to choose.
American clinical neuropsychologist William Stixrud proposed in his book "Self-driven growth":
The ubiquitous control of parents, causing chronic stress to children. As the pressure accumulates, gradually Weak children's ability to cope with and resolve stress.
A happy family is indispensable for a sense of boundaries.
Happy children are also indispensable for letting go and respect from parents.
Only by letting go can children develop a strong inner self through continuous trials and experiences. .
3
Do not destroy the independence of children in the name of love
As adults, we often don’t understand the pain that children bear: “What troubles can children have? ”
In fact, pain and stress occur in every stage of life.
We cannot completely eliminate stress for children, but we can teach them how to get along with stress and improve their psychological toughness.
This psychological toughness is not born to be learned, but is slowly cultivated and trained after birth.
Know a parent and sent their children to summer camps during the summer. The child performed very well. Not only was he strong in independence, he also took the initiative to help the teacher.
Some children are not used to the new environment and are depressed because they miss home. They will take the initiative to comfort them. Even the teachers praise the children as if they are like the little sun.
Many people asked the parent’s parenting experience, and the mother’s answer was very simple: “Maybe because I feel more at ease, let the child try many things by himself. He discovered his own abilities and was more willing to help others.”
In life, the reason why many children are fragile and unable to withstand the blow is related to the parents’ meticulous care.
When the child encounters problems, he will immediately help him and refuse to give the child a chance to be independent, which will make the child lose his independence, self-confidence and responsibility. A child like
is actually very helpless when facing setbacks independently, without the ability to adapt, nor with a strong inner feeling of facing the pain of failure.
Children need practice and exploration to gain their own confidence. In these small things, the child gains experience and lessons, and what he finally brings him is a sense of accomplishment and confidence.
Don’t underestimate this kind of training. It will help children develop the ability to be independent and self-support. Even if their parents are not around, they will try to solve the difficulties encountered in life and study, rather than escaping or being depressed.
Source: Qian Zhiliang, the key is sharing, the copyright belongs to the original author's original source.
