One of the most crying characters in literary works is probably "Lin Daiyu".
In " Dream of Red Mansions ", the fact that Lin Daiyu loves to cry can be seen through the descriptions of her maids Zijuan and Xue Yan:
"Sitting in silence with nothing to do is not frowning. She just sighed and often cried to herself for no apparent reason. She was afraid that she would miss her parents and her hometown and be wronged, so she would use words to comfort her every year. , I’m used to seeing this, and I don’t even think about it anymore.”
She loves to cry too much.
When I first said goodbye to my parents, I cried when I saw my relatives in a foreign land. When I saw Baoyu, I cried. When I heard other people’s stories, I cried when I heard an opera. When Baoyu was ambiguous with another girl, I cried. Baoyu was unwilling to accept it. I still cry when I am alone.
In addition to crying every day, he also has a sad face.
Among all the tears and feelings, Baoyu caused the most emotional fluctuations.
Sister Lin loves to cry so much that everyone thinks: she should be like this.
From a psychological point of view, Lin Daiyu is a typical "emotionally unstable" person.
When a person is emotionally unstable for a long time, he not only consumes his own energy, but also consumes the energy and value of those around him.
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What are the characteristics of emotionally unstable people?
1. Overly sensitive emotions
Any slightest disturbance will cause him to have emotional fluctuations.
often over-interpret other people's words and cannot accept the slightest disparagement and bad evaluation of themselves by others.
When getting along with friends, you will also have various conflicts with each other because of your sensitivity.
2. Changeable emotions
His emotions are like the changeable weather. He was talking and laughing with you one second, but his mood has completely changed the next second.
Anger, anxiety, irritability; depression, depression, sadness.
When you are with the other person, you have to take care of his/her emotions all the time; you will also worry about whether a certain sentence of yours caused the other person's mood to change so much?
3. In close relationships, you have an excessive desire to control
“I don’t want you to think, I want what I feel”
“I don’t want you to think, I I want to think"
"If I don't want you to do it, you don't do it; if I want you to do it, you have to listen to me"
They have a strong desire to control and try to control everything about their partners, including behavior, language, and social interaction. Even the clothes.
4. Do not take care of other people's emotions and refuse to admit their mistakes.
They can feel the impact of their bad emotions on others in their hearts, but they will not give in and always maintain a tough-talking attitude.
"I know I was wrong, but I can't bow my head and admit it."
is excessively self-centered and requires people around him to do things according to his ideas, otherwise he will lose his temper.
What is it like to get along with emotionally unstable people?
If you reason with him, he will talk to you about feelings.
"You are still mean to me, why can't you let me go? You don't love me anymore."
You are mean to him, but he is meaner than you.
When you refuse to communicate with him, he turns into a mosquito, "buzzing" around you.
Regardless of whether it is your mistake or not, he requires you to admit your mistake.
You said: "Why do you ask me to admit my mistakes? Why can't you admit your own mistakes?"
Well, the conflict escalates in an instant, and he will be so angry that you have nothing to say.
When you are with emotionally unstable people, you will have this feeling:
From the initial strong response to protect your own interests; in the middle stage, it becomes helpless and silent; in the later stage, you have no intention to respond, and your mentality Become casual.
"It's up to you, you can say whatever you like, we're already like this anyway."
You are ready to leave the other party at any time, but the other party still wants to squeeze out the last value of you before you leave.
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How to get along with people who are extremely emotionally unstable?
1. "Projection Theory"
Project your own feelings onto the other person; return the hurt you have received to the other person.
I saw a case on the Internet:
The woman is a very emotionally unstable person, angry, extreme, sensitive, suspicious, and even has some domestic violence tendencies.
Then the man installed a camera at home. Every time his wife lost her temper and became hysterical, he would send the video to his wife's family group.
At the beginning, the girls behaved angrily.
But with the emergence of "sense of shame", girls have to restrain their behavior.
Most people cannot look directly at their own terrible appearance.
And when you record all the other person's status and show it bit by bit in front of the other person, he will feel how unbearable he is.
This is how the psychological "sense of shame" arises.
realizes how bad he is, so he awakens his sense of shame.
For girls who suffer from domestic violence, this should be done even more.
records not only make the other party feel ashamed, but also collect evidence to protect themselves.
2, cognitive dissonance theory
"If a dog bites you, will you bite you back?"
This is the best cognitive dissonance theory .
simply means: change attitude, change cognition, change behavior.
When facing close people, our first thought should be to solve the problem, not how to break up with the other person.
Breaking up is an escape and irresponsible behavior.
If you don’t have the experience and ability to deal with this kind of problem, what should you do if you start an intimate relationship again and meet the same partner again? Escape again?
You can give yourself this hint:
"He is my child. When he becomes like this, I should help him change instead of stimulating him to become worse."
Every emotionally unstable person lives in his heart. With an "immature child".
Their excessive mood swings are mainly to get more love and attention from each other.
"I'm going to make more noise so adults can notice me."
But your partner doesn't realize it yet.
First try to change the other person and help the other person, only then can we gain a better intimate relationship.
Leaving is a last resort. If you try all the methods, you can't change the other party.
Moreover, if you realize that your energy and value are about to be exhausted, then stop the loss in time.
3, slow, slow.
slow communication, slow communication.
What is slow communication?
Take a deep breath first, keep yourself calm for 30 seconds, and hint to yourself: "I'm not angry, don't be angry."
Then, try to communicate with the other party.
You have to understand that your stimulation, your anger, and your counterattack may ignite the craziest side of the other person's heart.
So, slow down first and then communicate.
Whether you are a passive recipient of emotions or a person who actively releases anxious emotions, you must learn this method.
What is slow communication?
Lower your voice and slow down your speaking speed to let the other person feel your reason and emotions.
Emotions are contagious.
When you calm down and slow down, the other party will be unconsciously affected by you.
Today’s topic:
Have you ever met someone who is “emotionally unstable”?
(Article picture source network)
