"My mother would often look at me for a long time and then say worriedly, what if you can't find a job in the future? I said no, but my mother was still anxious about my study and future. I felt so stressed."
"No matter how hard I try, I can't meet my parents' requirements. I'm too tired. I really don't want to go to school."
The above are the inner words of two junior high school students. They are both under tremendous pressure that is not for their age. The main source of pressure comes from parents.
Why do parents put so much pressure on their children?
Because they pass their anxieties on to their children. They themselves may have stopped growing, or are worried that they cannot adapt to this society, but instead of trying to improve their situation, they place their hopes on their children, and even hope that their children can change the fate of the entire family. This puts tremendous pressure on children. They do not consider the psychological needs of their children at all, but design their children's lives according to their own wishes. The result is that the child's growth is seriously hindered.
So, how do parents pass their anxiety to their children?
(1) Focus all your energy on your children
Some parents spend all their spare time with their children in various interest classes and training classes, so that their children's time is so full that they never see their children have any free time. They believe that only by devoting all their time and energy to hard work and improvement can children stand out in the fierce competition in the future.
seems to be anxious about the child's future, but in fact he is passing on his own anxiety to the child. They worry that they are not competitive enough and that they will be eliminated by society, and they are unwilling to work hard to improve themselves. Instead, they expect their children to win the competition for them.
(2) Treat children as tools to show off
Some parents always want to reflect their own value or prove their own success through the success of their children. If children don't live up to their ideals, they feel embarrassed.
This situation is especially common among intellectual parents. The colleagues and friends of these parents are basically highly educated, and they are always showing off their children's report cards or various competition award certificates.
They believe that it is natural for their children to be better than themselves, and they will often educate their children with sincere words: "The learning conditions were so difficult when I was a child, but I was able to achieve very good results. Your current conditions are many times better than mine back then." "It's really not appropriate to not be outstanding."
They live in their own world and constantly move themselves, thinking that this can inspire their children. In fact, they are anxious about whether their children can excel. If children cannot reach their ideal state, they will feel ashamed and find it difficult to face relatives and friends who are also high-achieving.
This actually puts great pressure on children, because children are not tools for them to show off, but an independent person who cannot develop completely in accordance with the requirements of their parents.
(3) Treating children as punching bags
Some parents encounter unsatisfactory things in their work and life. Instead of releasing them through various healthy channels (exercise, reading, listening to music, etc.), they vent all kinds of negative emotions. When it comes to children, children become the parents’ punching bag.
Parents will be furious if a child's test scores decline, he accidentally breaks a bowl, or says the wrong thing. It seems that parents are dissatisfied with their children, but in fact they are venting their anxiety through some minor faults of their children and making excuses for themselves: "I am doing this for the good of my children. No matter how bad other people's children are, I will not Angry. "
Children cannot relax at home. They are always worried and afraid that their every move will anger their parents, and they are always surrounded by anxiety. This nameless anxiety is what parents pass on to their children.
If a child is anxious for a long time, he cannot concentrate on learning because a lot of energy is consumed by anxiety. The unsatisfactory performance of the child will anger the parents, once again passing anxiety and anger to the child. This creates a vicious cycle unless parents stop transmitting anxiety.
hopes that anxious parents will shift their attention from their children to themselves, pay more attention to their own hearts, find the source of anxiety, relieve and eliminate anxiety through hard work and self-growth, and avoid passing anxiety to their children, because this is the only way Only in this way can we create a relaxed and happy environment for children to grow up, and enable the whole family to enter a virtuous cycle of health and happiness.
