I haven’t finished talking about my experience, but I want to talk about the causes of anxiety disorders and the personality characteristics of people who are prone to anxiety disorders. Of course, this only represents my personal opinion.
Human beings are the most complex creatures. No one has a fixed personality, which means that their personality remains unchanged under a certain definition. The formation of personality has a certain relationship with heredity, and it also has a lot to do with the living environment in childhood during the character formation period. The words and deeds of parents play a vital role.
People prone to anxiety have many things in common. The biggest point is that most people are emotional and sensitive. Emotional people are easily controlled by emotions and often act impulsively without considering the consequences. Rational people know how to control their emotions, weigh the pros and cons and deal with them in a clear and logical manner when encountering problems. Emotional people are more easily moved, have strong sympathy and empathy. Most of these items for anxious people are too strong, leading to a lot of unnecessary internal friction. Therefore, emotional people are more likely to be anxious than rational people.
Let me talk about a few specific characteristics. First, when someone asks you for help, you are more anxious than the other person. You immediately put down your own things and get involved. If you don't do it well, you will be embarrassed or even feel guilty. If this favor really cannot be done for some reason, and you feel sorry for your friend, you will think repeatedly in your mind for a long time whether the other party will be angry, whether it will affect your relationship, etc. You won't feel relieved until you have made sure in your own way that your relationship has not been affected.
In fact, it is possible that the other party does not take it to heart at all, and your random thoughts are of no use except consuming your own energy. It’s also possible that others are just used to asking you for help because you never know how to say no. You are the cheapest and most cost-effective. Over time, you will become the good person in everyone's eyes, and there will be no psychological burden at all when others come to you.
If this is you, I hope you will change yourself from this point on and learn to say no. Before you do things you don’t want to do, things that are beyond your capabilities, or things that consume a lot of energy, think about whether the other person would do that for you if the roles were reversed (of course, this may not necessarily apply to close relationships or to friends who are particularly good to you. Depends on your own situation)
The second characteristic is that when others treat you a little bit, you can exchange for your enthusiasm, thinking that the two of them are inseparable and can go to the battlefield together. Even if the other person has hurt you before, it is not worth the date he throws to you when he turns around. You will find various reasons for him in your heart, and you will also tell others everywhere that that date is so sweet.
If you are like this, if that person is worthy, there may be misunderstandings or last resorts before, even if there is no jujube, you can also let go of the past and move forward and retreat together again. If that person is not worthy, even if he gives you a tree, don't be stubborn anymore, otherwise you will lose more sooner or later. As for whether it is worth it or not, you can refer to the first point. If the roles are reversed, will he care about you as much as you care about him?
The third characteristic is that if others don’t reply to messages or phone calls for a little longer, your mind will be so active that you can make a movie.
If we are friends, then I will make all kinds of speculations, all kinds of introspection, and wonder if I have done something wrong and why did the other person ignore me? The truth may be that the other person is busy with other things.
If we are a couple, the guess would be that the other person doesn’t care about me, how could he not look at his phone for so long, and doesn’t even reply to my calls, or does he dislike me, or something like that.
If you are a parent, you will worry about why you don’t answer the phone, what’s wrong, is there anything wrong, and then keep calling. If you can’t get through, you will immediately put down what you are doing and go straight to your parents’ house to question them. Why don't you pay attention to your phone number? I wonder if I will be worried! Are you tired of
? When you are tired, the other party is tired too! Thinking about the worst in everything, even a small thing can be associated with a particularly serious situation. I am frightened and the people around me are walking on thin ice. Friends are very busy and will not always be angry with you.Your partner loves you very much, don't always doubt it. The probability of bad things happening is not that high. The reason why you know a lot is because the Internet is so developed now that bad things all over the country are known to everyone.
Everyone knows the truth. I know it is difficult to do. It took me a long time to control it a little bit. I have a little method to share with you. Write down the things you are struggling with on paper, and write down the possible results on paper. Choose an outcome that is most acceptable to you, and then start persuading yourself to talk to yourself very objectively and calmly.
For example, between friends,
event: the other party did not respond to your messages and phone calls in time.
Reason: He is angry/He is not angry and busy
Result: Affects your relationship/Does not affect your relationship
First of all, you definitely hope that the result will not affect your relationship, and then use this result to reverse the process. If you send him a message asking him what's wrong and why he doesn't reply, he will easily be affected by your inexplicable questions, which may affect his mood or even his work. Then he is bound to have emotions, which may affect your relationship. In fact, it was nothing, but it was just the opposite! On the other hand, although you are anxious, if you keep waiting patiently, then he will definitely not be so busy when he sees the message and replies to you, and will instead patiently tell you the reason why he did not reply to you.
In the middle, you just need to persuade yourself not to think too much and be patient while waiting. Of course, this step is also the most difficult. This small method written on paper is more effective for me and is more intuitive when facing problems.
Our ability to control our emotions is very poor. If we are in a bad mood, we will easily feel anxious and uncomfortable. There are many causes of anxiety, and you can’t pin all your hopes on drugs and psychological counselors. We also need to discover and pay attention to every little thing in our lives, and pull out those incentives one by one like thorns.
There is another important reason, the influence of the native family. This issue also needs to be understood and treated correctly. I will talk about this topic next time
