How to grasp the best time to educate children? Psychologists proposed "spitting at the same time"
Many parents face a confusion when educating their children, that is, how to grasp the best time to educate their children? Especially when their children encounter difficulties or develop psychological problems, some parents become even more anxious and at a loss: if they take less care of themselves, they feel uneasy and seem to have failed to fulfill their parental responsibilities; if they take more care of their children, they will feel uneasy. Resisting resentment will not only not help, but will worsen the parent-child relationship and make the problem more serious. Whether
controls or not, the timing and proportion are really difficult to grasp.
In this regard, Zhang Risheng, a professor, doctoral supervisor, and famous psychologist at the School of Psychology, Beijing Normal University, put forward in the preface to the book "What is the Best Parent" -
"Nowadays, a very important person in raising children is The big problem is the father's absence and the mother's anxiety. The slogan of not letting the children lose at the starting line has created a group of impatient, lazy and careless parents. There is a very interesting word in Zen Buddhism called "spitting" at the same time. The sound of the chick sucking inside the shell is called spitting, and the hen biting the shell to help it come out is called pecking. Only by exerting force at the same time can new life be born. I often use spitting when teaching students psychological counseling. "Peck at the same time" is used to describe the congenial relationship between the psychological counselor and the client... Of course, the parent-child relationship also needs to be "pecking at the same time". In other words, only when the child tries to break through, the parents coincide with each other. Help them at the right time. This is the best time for parents to educate their children. On the contrary, if the child is the one who works hard and the parents stand by and watch, the child's growth will be difficult and long, and the child may even shrink back due to fear of difficulties. If a child is not ready to change, and parents forcefully push for change, not only will it be difficult to achieve results, but it will easily cause interference and harm to the child.
How to grasp the best time to educate children? Psychologists proposed "spitting at the same time"
The cases of adolescent psychological counseling and family education received by Zhengzhou Renhe Psychological Counseling Center in recent years also confirm this truth. The reason why many adolescent children are rebellious, tired of studying, addicted to mobile phones, depressed, anxious and other problems is not because their parents' education is not strong enough, but too hard. Moreover, parents’ educational methods are often based on wishful thinking, without considering the children’s wishes or their ability to bear, which leads to the children’s resentment and rejection. Not only does it fail to achieve the educational effect that the parents want, but it is counterproductive.
The principle of spat and peck at the same time can also be found in our country's traditional educational thought, that is, what Confucius said in " The Analects of Confucius·Shuer": "If you are not angry, you will not be enlightened; if you are not angry, you will not be angry." : When the student tries hard to understand but still can’t figure it out, don’t enlighten him; when the student understands in his heart but can’t express it perfectly, don’t enlighten him. This is also the ideological source of heuristic teaching, one of the most basic and important principles of modern school education.
@Zhengzhou Renhe Psychological Counseling Center How to grasp the best time to educate children? Psychologists propose "spitting at the same time"
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