◎A Jane
This is a well-educated girl. She learns everything well in piano, calligraphy, painting, and even street dance. It stands to reason that it should be a child like the little sun-graceful, confident, full of energy, and determined to win.
But she is not. She is timid and restless, and she has great fear in every moment of her interaction with people. She didn't dare to speak in class, and stood shrinking in her seat, crying like a frightened bird. Let the teacher who asked her to answer the question feel guilty, as if she deliberately caused her to make a fool of herself in front of everyone.
In class, she did not dare to chat with her classmates, and she did not even dare to look directly at the people who talked to her face to face. This kind of unfounded cowardice often makes people around you feel inexplicably angry. When the worst boy in the class talks to her, he can ask her in a teaching tone: Can you learn to raise your head? !
Why doesn't she want to raise her head? However, heavy feelings of guilt and social fears pressed on her shoulders one after another, and she really couldn't lift it up.
in her hometown,She has always been the top ten student in the class. Although it is not outstanding, it is not a problem to take an ordinary university. But my mother said that if this grade is in Tianjin, you can get a copy.
So the mother didn't even ask for her opinion, so she quickly applied for a Lanyin account, saying that in the future, her score in Tianjin college entrance examination would be several tenths lower than her hometown.
Because of a twist, she arrived a week later than other classmates. This week, separated her as an outsider.
She thinks that she can’t integrate into this group early, it seems that she can’t integrate into the whole system early, and what she thinks is that she can’t integrate into this group. She has only one person studying, hoping to get a good grade, others may be able to accept herself.
But after the monthly test results, she only ranked fourth from the bottom in the class. The transcripts of the 60 students in the class and the rankings in the class are also handed over. It is obvious that there is no ground to drill if you want to hide it. She was anxious, annoyed, punched on the desk, drew a snicker from the classmates around...
She hates herself even more.
also hates her,And mother. Coming out of the "individual conversation" from the teacher, she was flushed with tears: Why did you pass the test like this? How can you pass the exam like this? I tried my best to get you into this school. Do you think it's easy for me? Why is it not easy to learn? What are you thinking about?
Of course she knows that mothers are not easy. Sending her to Tianjin for school in order to get a Lanyin account, the family almost ran out of all their savings. Because she was not worried about her situation here, her mother had to take the high-speed rail to travel between her hometown and Tianjin every weekend, and her monthly income was used for the rent of the school district room and train tickets, and she was tired and exhausted. .
She looked at her tired and anxious mother. She was distressed and guilty, and she wanted to not let her down. However, the more this happened, the less her consciousness was under her control, and she couldn't even concentrate on the lectures. Many strange and weird thoughts flashed through her mind from time to time—not what she wanted at all, and she controlled it. No more.
However, she did not dare to tell her mother about these sufferings. The mother’s weight has reached its limit. She can’t worry about her mother anymore; it’s not convenient for her to tell her grandmother who is accompanying her to read: Grandma is getting older and has no culture. She doesn’t understand a lot of things. how is it? Grandma couldn't help her in her difficulties.
And next month, she will be replaced by her aunt. She doesn't know what the future "future" will be like. As she wrote in her diary: her days,As turbulent as her heart.
She suffers every day in such days. A few days before the exam, I was even more sincere and fearful as if I was facing a big enemy, my hands and feet were cold and my headache was splitting, and the strange thoughts in my mind buzzed over and over again, like a hornet that exploded. The result of the exam, of course, went from bad to worse, she seemed to have gotten into a gloomy chain, tangled and passive everywhere.
I asked her what is the biggest difficulty she feels in the current situation? She thought and thought, and told me in a voice that was almost inaudible: there is no one who can talk.
I was surprised. I did not expect that a 16-year-old girl who was troubled would be able to dig out the crux of all her problems like a mirror.
Talking about this with a friend, she’s an analogy to any child of the same age who needs to be popular and beautiful: Alternatives-you see that the wheat fields are all in pieces, and they are also growing in clusters and hugging tightly. If a single tree is isolated, each may be damaged or even fatal.
For a child who moves to a new environment,The most important thing, and the only thing needs to remedy, is to seek help from teachers and classmates so that children can find friends. 's blindly shaping and harshness can only make her sink deeper and deeper into this hopeless isolation. And isolation is the biggest torment.
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