Yesterday, the husband came back from the medical treatment and asked me: "Today, Doctor P said to me again: "Xiao Yan, you have to know what we are treating with this medicine. "Doctor
P has said similar things to me more than once. I realized today that he was hinting/hinting me that I was following something wrong?"
I said, "If the doctor said it several times, it should be right, what do you feel about it yourself?"
He said, "I suddenly realized on the way back that before seeing Doctor P today, I felt very bad, but after reading it, although I still felt tired, I was much more energetic."
I said, "From yesterday until you saw the doctor, I felt very bad. I was very nervous and anxious. I was originally weak. Negative emotions made the physical condition worse. The doctor was strong. You are willing to believe that the doctor told you that it was okay and you would relax and calm immediately. It takes time for your body to recover, but the spirit was immediately relieved."
He said, "Does emotions have such a big impact on people? Is emotions have such a big impact on people?"
0 I said, "Yes, when the body is good, the emotions have no obvious impact on the body, but when the body is very weak, it is very sensitive. A little bit of emotions will appear on the body."
He said, "The emotional fluctuations are too big, and it is also bad for the body."
I said, "Of course, especially when the body is bad, the mood fluctuations are too big, and the body is difficult to keep up with the emotions, so it is easy to experience heartbeat, sweating, dizziness and other discomforts. If you have the underlying diseases of the three highs, it will be very dangerous."
He said, "The doctor said that my anxiety is much better, and in addition, I think my emotions are much calmer now."
Me: "If you don't deliberately suppress your emotions, it's really much better than before. If you have emotions, it's better than suppressing them."
He said, "Yes, when I have emotions now, I will realize it. I realize it, and the emotions seem to disappear."
Me: "It's like this, of course, it's best for these people to do this." Some things will not cause you to have a lot of emotions. Of course, it is very difficult. "
He said: "I still feel emotional now, such as when I do nucleic acid, when I see someone jumping in line, when I cross the street, when I see someone grabbing a red light, when I am walking towards me, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tml3
I asked him, "What were you feeling at that time?"
He said, "I just felt very unhappy. "(I know that behind his displeasure is that he feels a sense of morality, does not abide by the rules, does not have a sense of safety, etc.)
I am going to laugh to death, "Then how many unhappy things do you encounter when you go out in one day? Just this little thing."
He said, "I also tell myself that other people's behavior has its rationality, various accidents and inevitability, and all kinds of accidents and inevitability." Sex leads them to do that, so it’s much better now.”
I said, “You are using your own standards to demand others. When others fail to meet your expectations, you will be unhappy. But I thought, why do others meet your standards?”
He said, “This is not my standard, this is the public rule of society.”
I said, “It seems to be a public rule, but everyone has different standards and understanding of public rules. In essence, you are still taking your own standards. Ask others, doing this will only make you unhappy and increase your own negative emotions. "
He said, "Then they don't abide by the rules, so I can't point it out?"
I said, "Where are you? Are you very rules? Are you nobler than others? At least I never think that I am more moral and noble than others. My awareness of public rules is average, and my awareness of safety is even worse.
If I am not good enough, I feel that I am not qualified to judge others.
And those who look noble in public, do you know what he is like in private? ”
He said: “I think I am a person with a more moral and strong sense of rules. Do I have to be a perfect person to be qualified to talk about others? ”
I said, “If you think others are unhappy, others will definitely think that you are unhappy.
If you do not do that well in many aspects, if you talk about others, others will not believe you (some things have aura, and doing something that does not match your aura can be felt by the other party), and will not accept your so-called "good intentions and suggestions", but will instead develop a rebellious mentality and complain about you.
And when you see that others not only do not accept your "good intention", but instead resent you, you will feel dissatisfied and unhappy. Isn't this a loss-making loss? What are the benefits? "
We have all heard a saying: To do XXXX, you must be a person first.
For example, to do good deeds, you must be a person first; to make money, you must be a person first; to be a good employee, you must be a person first; to be a good teacher, you must be a person first; to play a good role, you must be a person first; to play a good piano, you must be a person first...
I once truly believed this sentence, but in the process of practice, I found many contradictions and a lot of doubts. It took several years to figure out how ridiculous this sentence was.
According to my current shallow understanding,
1. Everyone has different definitions and standards for "morality".
2. Don't move, elevate people and things to the level of "morality" that you think.
3. Character and works should be viewed separately.
0. There are many people with bad personal morality in ancient and modern times, but outstanding talents, Mozart, Shang Yang , Li Si , Zhang Juzheng , Cai Jing , etc.
here specifically emphasizes: I do not express that morality itself is not important, nor do I advocate giving up morality. On the contrary, I think that beautiful morality is the ultimate and should be the goal everyone strives to pursue.
For strange and unfamiliar people, you should look at works and be gentle on people.
works will not lie, but character will be disguised. This is like the ancient times when it comes to establishing a eldest or a virtuous person. A clear ruler, and a virtuous person can be disguised.
For half-mature people, you must look at both character and works.
For people close to you, you must look at character and light works.
Especially for children and family, you give rewards because you love your children, not because your children have good exam results.
So, who are strangers, who are classified as semi-acquaintances, and who are classified as close people?
believe that you have your own answer.
