After ten months, I started painting again ( oil pastels and are not included). Although I only painted a base today, I am still very happy. It feels like I have finally taken a step towards life and am no longer 100% a zombie. It seems that it was probably due to the excitement of traveling in the past two weeks. Although my mood was out of control for a few days, I felt slightly awakened afterwards. Maybe I have been dead for too long, and I feel nothing. Even sadness has become rare.
I was chatting with a friend from psychiatry today. She suggested that I still can’t wean off the medication privately. However, recently I have been taking hormone-regulating medicines and cold medicines continuously, which has caused me to feel sick several times a day. I didn't dare tell her that I had stopped taking the medicine intermittently. Maybe it was because of this that I had auditory hallucinations again.
Recently, I have been contacted by several projects for cooperation. One of them is a brand design concept that is very consistent with mine and is a category that I am particularly interested in. But I still refused. It wasn't because I couldn't deal with money. In fact, I felt that I was already very short of money after not working for such a long time. But I don't want to come out yet. It’s not certain that I may never be able to get out in my lifetime. I hate myself more than I thought. "Look, that person is so annoying, I can't make her happy."
I lamented to a friend some time ago, "I no longer have the determination to move forward."
He said, "The determination to move forward is rare in the world, and you keep doing something. Only then can you strengthen your determination. It cannot be created out of thin air by your sighs. "
Let's draw some messy pictures to appease my inner child. In fact, I think she has won, or maybe I have. I have never grown up, I have always been this child.
The road to self-healing has begun to go uphill, and it will inevitably become more difficult. During this period, you must calm your mind.
