I am a rural child. It does not mean that I was born in the countryside, but that I was born and grew up in the countryside. Three years ago, the county seat was my city. Now, I live in the city and occasionally go back to the county seat. The county seat is still a place that I cannot reach, and the square in the county seat is still a treasure that is out of my reach.
The square in the county seat is the only square in the county, and it is larger than the activity squares in all the villages I have been to. None of my villages have event squares. The square in the county has no name. When everyone mentions it, they will say, I am going to the auditorium. This means going to the square, and it also means going to turn around or meet someone when you have nothing to do. At the northernmost and highest point of the square is an auditorium. My initial impression of the square was that it was very solemn, solemn and lively.
Childhood knows that there are all kinds of snacks there, teenagers know that there are all kinds of entertainment, and young people know that there are all kinds of relaxation. Now I know it doesn't belong to me.
1. Childhood
When I was still in school, one summer, I don’t know whether it was to celebrate Children’s Day or some other ceremony. Many children in the village and I took a big car to the county seat. Later I learned that it was called a bus. At that time, there was no limit on the number of passengers. We had two children to one seat, or even five children to two seats. I didn't feel crowded at that time. Everyone was curious and sat on the floor. The driver at that time didn't care, unlike today where no one is playing on the bus at all.
I stopped in the middle and picked up children from other villages until I reached the square. That was my first time in such a big place. I couldn't react in my head, I just knew to follow the teacher and don't get lost. There was a big table in front of the square, and there were many people sitting there. At that time, I thought they were teachers, but now I understand that they are called leaders. Those sitting took turns speaking, and the teacher who led us made us applaud. There was singing and dancing in the middle. When I feel numb, I am no longer afraid.
During the break, several of us children ignored the teacher’s ban and went outside the team. When I came over, I saw various stalls around the square. There are cyan sour apricots, white cloud-like marshmallows, mottled tea eggs, and golden fried cakes. There are also many toys that I have never seen before. We had no money, so several of us dug through our pockets and spent a few cents each to collect three yuan to buy a frog that would jump after being wound up. The frog was snatched back and forth between the hands of several of us. It broke before we returned to the village.
Having no money in my pocket, I firmly remembered that the county seat is the square. It’s a place with lots and lots of good stuff. Later, I followed my father on a tractor ride to the county town in the morning to buy things for the fields and passed by the square. The square was very empty, with no people and no stalls.
I suspected that my eyes were wrong, and I also suspected that my memory was wrong.
2. Teenage
After finishing elementary school, I stopped going to school and drove with the adults. At that time, many children were apprentices when they were not in school. A few of us who were learning to drive would drive the coal truck out to play at night when we were not ready to drive but were ready to drive. At that time, driving records were not checked, so the eldest apprentice drove the car and pulled the younger apprentice out. The place where
arrived was the square of the county seat. Only then did I understand the role of the square, and I realized that the square is the busiest place at night. Later, people in the county learned to dance square dance. There are dances at night and in the morning. The square was also lively in the morning, although not as lively as at night.
At that time, I wished I could have more opportunities to play in the square. Four or five of us boys were arm-in-arm and wandering noisily in the square. Everyone has money in their pockets when they get out of the car and can eat all kinds of food. We no longer buy toys, but I still like to walk slowly along one toy stall after another and look carefully. Many times, I fantasize about how my little self would play with that toy.
We made loud noises in the square, trying to attract the attention of the exquisitely dressed girls in the square. Those girls all live near the square and are very laid-back. He would hold marshmallows or ice cream in his hands and eat them in small bites gracefully. Unlike us, one marshmallow can be eaten in several mouthfuls.
We will also play slot machines to satisfy our adventurous spirit. There is a companion who always plays and plays a lot. He even follows the boss to the back of the store to play. Later, he couldn't get the money back to his family and still owed money. Later, he was nowhere to be seen. Our apprenticeship wages are very low, but most children still give most of the money to their families and only spend a small part themselves. From then on, we were warned by our families not to play in the square.
Because the square does not belong to us, we will lose ourselves in the square.
3. Youth
After a few years, I was able to drive independently and I got married. My family is not well-off and I don’t have a house or a car, so I can only rent a house in the county town. My wages are high, but the car owners don't get many jobs. If I can keep driving for a month, I can get 10,000 yuan. But most of the time I can only pay about ten days a month, which is between 2,000 and 4,000 yuan.
I rented a bungalow in the county town with my wife. The building was expensive and inconvenient for me to park my big car. Most of the bungalows are occupied by the landlord, that is, the north house. Most tenants live in the south building, with a few in the west and east rooms.
was young at that time and thought that he would make a lot of money and just play when he was not driving. I learned how to play poker and how to visit night markets in summer evenings. I would take my wife shopping from almost dusk until midnight. We first watched the elderly people dancing in the square, then watched the children playing with toys, and then watched the men eating barbecue. We also bought some to eat. Then I would sit on the steps in front of the square auditorium, thinking about buying a building next to the square when I got rich. Only then can we feel integrated into the county.
We came back late. The landlord had already gone to bed, but the sound of opening the door would probably disturb the whole family. During lunch break, I would hear the landlord and other visitors sitting in the doorway saying that after all, they came from the village and had never seen the world. A small and shabby square attracted them so much that they couldn't sleep and wandered around all night. I don’t know what to go shopping for.
My wife and I were lying on the kang in the small room next to the gate. It sounded very uncomfortable. It turns out that integrating into the square does not mean integrating into the county. After all, we are people from the village. We live the same life as the people in the county town, but we are not from the county town!
4. Now
Last year we moved from the county seat to the city. Because there are no more jobs in the county. The city squares are larger and more beautiful, and the items on the stalls are more exquisite. Standing in the square, I won't meet anyone I know. I don’t know my neighbors here when I rent a house, but I only know a dozen colleagues and people from nearby stores here at work. There are not many fellow villagers in the city, and there is no time to go there.
The city square does not belong to me.
It wasn’t until I got married that I left the countryside in a psychological sense, but until now, I still haven’t left the countryside in an economic sense. I don't have my own house in the city. The scary thing is that I also lost my house in the countryside. If I don’t have a house in the county, I can’t be considered a county citizen. That square doesn't belong to me either.
